I would like to receive feedback on my first novel ever

[amarylais]

Hello everyone. I'm seeking feedback on my debut novel. It's my first attempt at writing a book, and I would appreciate any constructive criticism or thoughts on how I can improve.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1044182/enchanted-eats-an-elfs-culinary-journey/

Note: English is not my native language, feel free to point out anything that sounds unnatural.

 

[Datal0g]

While I was waiting for the train, I quickly read chapter 1 and actually finished it. This rarely happens - mostly because the formatting on Scribble Hub drives me crazy. I'm generally not a fan of those one-liner/two-liner paragraphs, but since I was reading your first chapter on my phone, it wasn't so noticeable & the moderate amount of dialogue kept all the one-liners to a minimum (I know...there's a lot of personal preference involved).

Other than that, I think it's okay - so I'd keep reading, at least for now. Unfortunately, I can't give you much constructive advice at the moment. But nothing destructive either, and I think that's a very good sign.

 

[amarylais]

While I was waiting for the train, I quickly read chapter 1 and actually finished it. This rarely happens - mostly because the formatting on Scribble Hub drives me crazy. I'm generally not a fan of those one-liner/two-liner paragraphs, but since I was reading your first chapter on my phone, it wasn't so noticeable & the moderate amount of dialogue kept all the one-liners to a minimum (I know...there's a lot of personal preference involved).

Other than that, I think it's okay - so I'd keep reading, at least for now. Unfortunately, I can't give you much constructive advice at the moment. But nothing destructive either, and I think that's a very good sign.

Thank you for taking the time to read it and for sharing your thoughts with me. While I don't expect this to be perfect, I hope it's at least entertaining enough and readable. After all, it wouldn't make sense to keep writing if it were plain boring.

I have this novel posted on RR as well, and the same chapters I posted here are publicly available on my Patreon, in case you prefer any of those formats. Your feedback is truly appreciated!

 

[Datal0g]

Your feedback is truly appreciated!

You're welcome.

I will continue reading it here as I'm done with all three chapters now. In general - I had fun reading it, nice story so far and especially the passive skill catched me - even though I had to think about the naming three times as I think "Enchanted Food" would be a better fit. But again - personal preference. I also had 1-2 other sections, where I thought, that your wording was a little bit complex. But overall - I'm curious, what's next and what you plan to do with this passive skill.

After all, it wouldn't make sense to keep writing if it were plain boring.

I'm definitely biased as I like stories/animes about cooking/cooking skills. Food wars, campfire cooking in another world, reborn as a vending machine

Spoiler

(don't blame me for that, I love trash from time to time)

- I've seen them all. :D

 

[H0LL0W]

I left a review.
Good work for a first novel. Keep it up. :)

 

[amarylais]

I left a review.
Good work for a first novel. Keep it up. :)

Hey, thanks for that awesome review! I totally get what you said there, isekai wasn't really my thing either. But, oddly enough, after spending the past few years translating nothing but isekai, I kinda got inspired to create one that includes the elements I actually do like.

 

[Story_Marc]

Not bad. I can see plenty of room for improvement, but you've got a decent foundation as a writer going here.

 

[amarylais]

Not bad. I can see plenty of room for improvement, but you've got a decent foundation as a writer going here.

Hey! Absolutely, starting with room to grow was expected and only makes it more fun, right? Really appreciate your thoughts, thanks for taking the time!

 

[Deleted member 84247]

A vampire tag? I will add it to my reading list.

 

[Nolff]

A vampire tag? I will add it to my reading list.