I Need Your opinion

[Dr-Jovalix]

Hello, ladies and gentlemen

Allow me to introduce myself: I am Dr. Jovalix, a writer who started publishing not too long ago. My first work is Void Walker: Rise of the Shadow Thief, a series that is still ongoing and that I am developing with all my dedication and passion.

I warmly invite you to take a look at my manuscript and share your invaluable feedback. Your opinion will be essential in helping me continue the story and make it even more captivating. If you have any questions or curiosities, please don’t hesitate to message me—I will get back to you as soon as possible!

Below is a brief description of the plot:

Plot

Duck-Hwan, a seasoned gamer, is mysteriously transported to the world of Orvhalis after reaching the final level of an online game. Now trapped in the body of his character, a low-ranking thief named Doruuk, he must survive in a realm ruled by ruthless rulers, where any mistake could cost him his life. With limited and few abilities, Doruuk discovers that to change his fate, he must battle monsters, uncover ancient secrets, and collect rare artifacts known as Luminar, capable of granting extraordinary powers. However, in a dark and dangerous world, only those who walk in the shadows can hope to rise above.

Below you’ll find the direct link to the manuscript’s page.

LINK ---> VOID WALKER: Rise of the Shadow Thief | Scribble Hub

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and thank you in advance for your time.

Best regards,

Dr. Jovalix

 

[TheIcMan]

 

[StoneInky]

First impression of the novel? The synopsis sounds generic, and you used too many metaphors, but I still can tell what to expect, so it's not too bad.

Then I started reading, and I immediately got put off by Chapter One.

Do I really need to know that this protagonist lives next town to his parents and visits them once a week? Do I really need to know that he lives in an apartment with a kitchen and gaming setup? It breaks the flow of the novel. Actually, why not just start with "Are you sure you want to proceed? This decision is irreversible." for the first chapter? Everything before that is background exposition. Instead you can explain everything after he wakes up in the game or whatever. But keep it simple this time.

Also, what kind of name is Duck-Hwan? From the words 'military service', I assume he's South Korean. I also happen to be South Korean, and I tell you with complete honestly that not only is his name weird, you didn't give him a surname, and the surname 'Duck' doesn't exist. You might wanna think that over.

I personally hate system novels, so I'll end my review here. It's not a bad story, but you might wanna focus on a stronger first chapter. Show, not tell, and all that. Good luck.

 

[Dr-Jovalix]

First impression of the novel? The synopsis sounds generic, and you used too many metaphors, but I still can tell what to expect, so it's not too bad.

Then I started reading, and I immediately got put off by Chapter One.

Do I really need to know that this protagonist lives next town to his parents and visits them once a week? Do I really need to know that he lives in an apartment with a kitchen and gaming setup? It breaks the flow of the novel. Actually, why not just start with "Are you sure you want to proceed? This decision is irreversible." for the first chapter? Everything before that is background exposition. Instead you can explain everything after he wakes up in the game or whatever. But keep it simple this time.

Also, what kind of name is Duck-Hwan? From the words 'military service', I assume he's South Korean. I also happen to be South Korean, and I tell you with complete honestly that not only is his name weird, you didn't give him a surname, and the surname 'Duck' doesn't exist. You might wanna think that over.

I personally hate system novels, so I'll end my review here. It's not a bad story, but you might wanna focus on a stronger first chapter. Show, not tell, and all that. Good luck.

Hi, and thank you for taking the time to read my work and leave such an honest review. I truly appreciate your direct and constructive feedback.

I see your point about the synopsis and the first chapter. I want the story to start with a stronger impact, so your suggestion to cut the initial background exposition and begin with the irreversible decision makes a lot of sense. I'll work on making the opening more engaging.

Regarding the protagonist’s name, I didn’t realize it might sound strange to a native Korean speaker. I really appreciate you pointing that out! I’ll do more research to ensure the name is more authentic. If you have any suggestions for a more realistic name, I’d love to hear them.

I understand that system novels aren’t your preference, so I appreciate that you still gave the story a chance. Your insights are incredibly helpful.

If you have the time and are willing to share more thoughts, I’d love to know:
- What other aspects do you think should be changed or improved?
- Is there anything that works well and should stay the same?
- What do you see as the story’s strengths and weaknesses?
- Are there any elements that could be made more immersive or engaging?

If you have the time to respond, I would greatly appreciate it. You can reply here or send me a private message if you prefer. Thanks again!

Best regards,
Dr. Jovalix

 

[7ydy]

"it didnt seem like an ordinary game"

why?