I need some feedback back for my first time writing angst (First Chapter)
- Thread starter Polinsesi
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Wretch
Undead men tell tales
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- May 17, 2019
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Yeah, the first chapter is all knives, I'd say you're doing fine with the angst. (×_×) Like, I really sympathize with his wife, wow what a good woman. I kind of don't like where I think this is going, MC PLEASE don't cheat on your wife! My heart will break. I noticed this is tagged tragedy and, whelp, I'm already crying. _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_ Whyyyyyyy????????? (ಥ﹏ಥ) Ugh, I need a moment.
As for your story itself, your first chapter is okay but it doesn't give any context for the man who just shows up on the doorstep. When we read the synopsis it gives away some of the backstory and we as readers are really expecting something like a tragic parting to happen immediately. Don't get me wrong, I like what you've done so far, but it's a little abrupt and we cant sympathize with MC yet. You will probably address this in the next chapter so what I'm saying might be superfluous. But I had to get it out there.
Your grammar and punctuation aren't bad, but you should probably take a spell checker to the first chapter. And keep an eye on your tenses, as in the second paragraph you put "waked" instead of "woke". Waked is past-tense and you're writing in present-tense, so it would be woke.
In any case continue on, and good luck. Writing is a hard undertaking... I should also be writing. __φ(◎◎ヘ)
As for your story itself, your first chapter is okay but it doesn't give any context for the man who just shows up on the doorstep. When we read the synopsis it gives away some of the backstory and we as readers are really expecting something like a tragic parting to happen immediately. Don't get me wrong, I like what you've done so far, but it's a little abrupt and we cant sympathize with MC yet. You will probably address this in the next chapter so what I'm saying might be superfluous. But I had to get it out there.
Your grammar and punctuation aren't bad, but you should probably take a spell checker to the first chapter. And keep an eye on your tenses, as in the second paragraph you put "waked" instead of "woke". Waked is past-tense and you're writing in present-tense, so it would be woke.
In any case continue on, and good luck. Writing is a hard undertaking... I should also be writing. __φ(◎◎ヘ)
Polinsesi
Active member
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- Sep 24, 2019
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Right... I wrote everything in the present tense then changed it very quickly to the past tense before publishing it :')
I "waked"... It must sting the eye quite well.
Thanks for reminding me to take notice of that and not forgetting to develop well that part because it is a very important one. I'm very new to it and so excited. x) I feel like I'm on the other side. You too can join me here and I'll read your text when you'll post it and give you my opinion as well.
Thank you I'm really grateful, it was really useful for me. :3
I "waked"... It must sting the eye quite well.
Thanks for reminding me to take notice of that and not forgetting to develop well that part because it is a very important one. I'm very new to it and so excited. x) I feel like I'm on the other side. You too can join me here and I'll read your text when you'll post it and give you my opinion as well.
Thank you I'm really grateful, it was really useful for me. :3