Cool story btw, a lot going on just getting dumped into the chapter I went in on, but I've got a weakness for desert-based science fiction.
As for the dialogue, yeah, it was a touch hard at times, though rather than the contents, I'd say it has more to do with too much formality and the flow.
“Halina, right? Hello. Saw, what happened outside?” Kit asked, waving a finger at the shut window. “That’s a common occurrence here.”
“I am aware.” The insufferable girl nodded, not frightened in the least. “Good day to you, Lady Mayor. Sand reapers’ mating season occurs roughly every six months near Ecological Habitat 647…”
“Just Peachy,” Kit interrupted.
“Excuse me?” Halina blinked.
“Call it Just Peachy. If Captain Ivar is around, call it Ecological Habitat 647.” She waved a finger in a circle. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Don’t play coy with me, Halina,” Kit asked. “I read your file. Fourth student in your group, earned a silver medal for the first responder duty. Congratulations, by the way.”
“Thank you, Lady Mayor.”
“Call me Kit. That husband of yours…”
“We are not married.”
“Then you will be, just a matter of time.”
Just going to take this bit as an example.
There's only two people speaking here, and after that's been established, you really don't need to add so many interruptions to the flow of the dialogue. Some are necessary to show the reader what's happening, but too many in rapid fire totally kill the vibe.
I'd also caution against having the characters 'say' another character's name.
When you think about two people having a conversation, at least in English, they don't tend to constantly refer to one another or use honorifics. There may be an initial greeting where names are exchanged, but after that, it comes off as immersion-breaking outside of specifically formal situations one might find in a military environment.
And, on that note, at least when talking about how people converse, try throwing in a bit of purposefully incorrect grammar. A bit of slang goes a long way to develop a character's voice, even going so far as to avoid being too on the nose about things.
Ex: "We are not married." (This feels too formal for how a regular person might speak)
Going for: "We're not married." again adds a bit of life into the character and avoids them sounding like a robot.
Cool stuff either way and I hope this helps!
