Writing I just wrote the chapter 2. did i become better?

[Deleted member 195328]

Few day's ago i wrote chapter 1 and is was horrible so i watched some video's and i just wanted to ask the community about what they are thinking please give me feedback and advice's.

The Adventures of Aldric - Chapter 2: Grilin City | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[MasterY001]

Your writing style improved from Chapter 1, hands down, but it still needs work. If you separate the dialogue from narration and use smaller text blocks, it'll be more readable. Also, for fuck's sake, lose the censorship.

My main concern is with your lack of concrete exposition or world-building. It's difficult for me to imagine your world. And your plot is a little formulaic, relying on sudden, random developments.

Still, the story has potential, and you did earn yourself one new reader. Keep working on it.

 

[Deleted member 195328]

Your writing style improved from Chapter 1, hands down, but it still needs work. If you separate the dialogue from narration and use smaller text blocks, it'll be more readable. Also, for fuck's sake, lose the censorship.

My main concern is with your lack of concrete exposition or world-building. It's difficult for me to imagine your world. And your plot is a little formulaic, relying on sudden, random developments.

Still, the story has potential, and you did earn yourself one new reader. Keep working on it.

Thanks man, I will try to do my best, can you give some detailed advice, to say the truth I am not good writing that part of describing the world, whenever I start to write is like I have no place to start. And thanks again man I appreciate it.

 

[MasterY001]

Thanks man, I will try to do my best, can you give some detailed advice, to say the truth I am not good writing that part of describing the world, whenever I start to write is like I have no place to start. And thanks again man I appreciate it.

Well, I would try to give a little background when new locations or people are revealed. Pretend you're a tour guide being asked questions like:

"Where did that come from?"
"What happened in this place?"
"Who is that and why are they important?"

Explain or hint at how things are connected in your world. Still, don't be too wordy about it. Exposition should set the stage, not be the story.

 

[okashihime]

Thanks man, I will try to do my best, can you give some detailed advice, to say the truth I am not good writing that part of describing the world, whenever I start to write is like I have no place to start. And thanks again man I appreciate it.

Heya.

Here is some advice from my own writing process:
Before I start a new scene, I try to visualize the place in my mind.

Here's an example, when I started, I used to just write down everything that came to mind, then use the whole part to describe the scene I wanted:


It's a room. The walls are white, there's a couch, there is a table, there's a tv. I can see a piano in one corner and a fire place in another. The floor is stone. The window had a broken glass. (etc, etc)

Then it's not standard details:

There's a pile of dirty dishes by the table. Besides that, papers, and books and a a remote control. One of the couches has a rip in the leather, another is covered in a green fabric, etc.

After that, comes other esoteric details, mostly concerning senses:
How does the room smells like? Is it cold? Is it dark or bright? How does it makes me feel?


After all that is done, it's picking what is important to the scene in question and adding it to the description:


"James walked inside the living room. It smelled of old beer and rotten food. The white walls were splashed with red, and the broken window open, letting wind blow inside. An cold couch near the window, the fabric ribbed and crumbling with age."

(For this example, I was thinking on a suspense/mystery where the MC is looking for clues, in my head the clue is hidden inside the ripped fabric in the couch)

"Shit," he muttered.

Without any other option, he poked the dirty plates, moved the books aside. No clue. He went to the TV and looked behind. Nothing there as well. He got on all fours and looked beneath the couch. Nothing. Where the hell had Kirk hidden the thing? The note only said living room.

 

[Deleted member 195328]

Heya.

Here is some advice from my own writing process:
Before I start a new scene, I try to visualize the place in my mind.

Here's an example, when I started, I used to just write down everything that came to mind, then use the whole part to describe the scene I wanted:


It's a room. The walls are being, there's a couch, there is a table, there's a tv. I can see a piano in one corner and a fire place in another. The floor is stone. The window had a broken glass. (etc, etc)

Then it's not standard details:

There's a pile of dirty dishes by the table. Besides that, papers, and books and a a remote control. One of the couches has a rip in the leather, another is covered in a green fabric, etc.

After that, comes other esoteric details, mostly concerning senses:
How does the room smells like? Is it cold? Is it dark or bright? How does it makes me feel?


After all that is done, it's picking what is important to the scene in question and adding it to the description:


"James walked inside the living room. It smelled of old beer and rotten food. The white walls were splashed with red, and the broken window open, letting wind blow inside. An cold couch near the window, the fabric ribbed and crumbling with age."

(For this example, I was thinking on a suspense/mystery where the MC is looking for clues, in my head the clue is hidden inside the ripped fabric in the couch)

"Shit," he muttered.

Without any other option, he poked the dirty plates, moved the books aside. No clue. He went to the TV and looked behind. Nothing there as well. He got on all fours and looked beneath the couch. Nothing. Where the hell had Kirk hidden the thing? The note only said living room.

thanks, i appreciate it and i will try your technique, it seems very good.