I just realized about writing a fighting scene

[Fox-Trot-9]

Okay, first of all, there's two many POVs/too much head-hopping; second, it's very talky; third, the progression of it feels very static.

1. I don't know who's perspective this fight scene is in, so I don't know who to root for. I'm thinking it's Raijin, b/c he's the one that's left standing (in space, I'm assuming) in the end, but since the scene delves into other people's thoughts, I'm left wondering which side I should root for: Raijin or the 15 other people trying to take him down. If it's Raijin's POV, focus on Raijin's perspective of the fight; if they're all ganging up on him, show him dodging attacks and throwing his own, show more action beats of him struggling to stay on his toes for the first part of the fight. That way, when he stops time and punches a hole through the space-time-wall thing, it will show a turning point in the fight and make things more interesting at the result of it.

2. If Raijin can talk so much while in the heat of battle, you might want to assimilate it into action beats in the scene, not just attack-naming and stuff exploding like a starship battle. I mean, think about it. If he's got 15 opponents all throwing planet-destroying attacks at him all at once instead of one at a time like in a movie, and if they can move at those kinds of speeds, Raijin would be reacting to their attacks, like dodging/escaping, not thinking or wondering about stuff. He would be dodging like mad, trying to put distance between himself and his 15 opponents. I mean, I'm not sure he has the luxury much talking/thinking under a 15-man handicapped fight at those kinds of speeds with that kind of firepower all aimed at him, till he stops time. Only then can I imagine him with enough time to catch his own breath before continuing.

3. B/c of the head-hopping and talky nature of the scene, it feels very static. Very dramatic things are happening in the scene, but the way it's written robs it of any momentum in the scene. There is progression, but it's all at one speed, and it feels too fast. There's no variation to the rhythm/flow of it. There's a way to fix this, though; it's called bullet time or time dilation. This means slowing down the action at key moments of the scene to make it dramatic. Like, think of it like painting a picture. You don't have to paint every every blade of grass in a front lawn to show how beautiful a front lawn is; in the same way, you don’t have to show everything in a fight scene; this is the beauty of slowing down the action; you can spotlight the most dramatic parts of the fight scene to give it a more nuanced/dynamic feel to it; that way, you’ll be able to make your fight scene more memorable, less generic. Anyway, hope this helps! And good luck on your writing!

 

[Verdant]

I just realized something off about how I write fighting scenes, I feel like I've been writing it incorrectly this whole time... Can you give some tips about how to make the reader imagine what the fight supposed to look like?

When writing a fighting scene, try to add purpose, a startup/setting the scene, and a good aftermath. This works best for more important fights.
As far as tips for making the reader imagine what the fight is supposed to look like, you could just describe it; blow-by-blow. Something like

“Today was a hazy, frigid day, mist stuck to the streets like gum. John summoned his battle axe as soon as Jane emerged ahead, mist followed behind her like a trail. Her golden shoes clicked with each step. On this day, would be the day where John defeated a Rank 5 Assassin.
[Okay this part is like Blow-by-Blow]
John raised his axe to the sky, then swung down with the force of a iron weight—smashing Jane’s body into the pavement. She was unconscious for sure, barely moved as John walked ahead of her body. John thought One Rank 5 Assassin down, I’ll destroy five more.”

This was a really generic, amateurish, and goofy example but I think fights structured similar to this engages the reader more. More than just “John punched Jane, Jane kicked john.”

Now looking around the thread, this advice is more intermediate. You need to above all else establish Point of View (1st person or 3rd person, if you have no main
protagonist then do an equal job of describing what each character thinks and does in a fight for 3rd person.), Tense (Present or Past), setting (where the battle takes place), and Tone (Gritty and realistic or Stylish and cartoony). Try to form at least some prior connection between the characters fighting like a mention or whatever. The reader will be very confuse if some random character is suddenly named and begins fighting for zero reason.

Additionally, if the characters don’t actually say what it is they’re doing, then don’t describe the exact name of their super cool attacks. It honestly would work best if a character described their technique using descriptive imagery, and ESPECIALLY show the reactions of their target. Something like terrifying surprise or a cocky grin as they immediately blocked the attack. At some point, you could just give the names.

 

[Aiyoki]

But if there are more people, the names are necessary?

Correct. Otherwise you run the risk of confusing the reader when there are more than two characters exchanging dialogue.

The difficulty here though then becomes changing things up with each new paragraph to avoid having things sound redundant. Something more expressive than constantly using "he said" or "she said" would be necessary to keep your readers invested in the scene.

 

[Zagaroth]

Hmm, as you seem to want an example of a fight with more people, let me give you a slightly edited excerpt of one of my earlier fights that I think came out rather well.

For context: This is a dungeon delve, the weakest member of the party is a three-tail kitsune, this level is library-themed, and the dungeon fully expects all attacks being used here to be non-lethal, though not painless. It will pull its punches if needed, it's on good terms with the party in question.

Spoiler: battle scene

The addition of the foliage made Biblios harder to keep track of, and in this case he started off completely hidden, hanging on a branch with several different growths breaking the line of sight. Once the entire group had made their way inside, he simply let go to start dropping in near silence. Casey the cassowary’s head snapped in his direction, giving the group a brief warning, but that was only enough to brace themselves before his falling form had a clear shot, and a giant cone of bound & wrapped reams of paper slammed into them. Bound tight like that, these 10-pound bricks were only slightly softer than being hit by solid chunks of wood and left trip hazards scattered across the floor.

Biblios's dramatic entrance certainly caught their attention, and his rapid descent had forced him to land on the ground despite unfurling his wings as soon as he blasted them with his breath weapon. Their front liners moved to engage immediately, intending to try and pin the dragon construct to the ground. Paltira called out, “You two, take his wings!” Xarlug and Casey followed his orders, which freed the monk to focus on the dragon’s head. A dangerous spot to be sure, but if there was any place where he could strike hard enough to interrupt its focus, it would be there.

Biblios’s papery design may make him look frail, but paper was simply a form of wood. And the multiple layers that made up his wing made it hard to cut through in a single strike, especially when they weren’t at full tension. The book dragon lashed out at his attackers, which gave the spell casters time to begin their assault. Akahana decided to change where they were taking risks as well, “Feel free to use lightning and acid!” That still left fire as forbidden, but that was a wise move in a room filled with books and scrolls.

Takehiko and Orchid spread out to find angles where they could blast Biblios with bolts of lightning, while Shizoku gleefully broke out her supplies for acid bombs. The previous spell limitations on this floor had somewhat unbalanced their spell and chemical reserves, and they were happy to use resources they had more of. Akahana decided to stick with support for the moment and started working on a wind barrier that could help deflect the dragon’s breath weapon.

Then a pot of black ink smashed into the side of Takehiko’s head, leaving a few glass shards embedded but more importantly, splashing ink across his face and temporarily blinding him. “Shit! Where did that come from?!” The purple-haired five-tail swore as he wiped at the ink while deliberately stumbling about, making him a harder target to hit until he could actively defend himself again.

Okay, re-reading it made me itch to edit it, I can see some places where I can improve it. But later, there is a process in place for my revision. Anyway, analyzing my own pattern: The dramatic attacks I go into more detail about (blast of paper reams, pot of ink), while the attacks with less drama attached are left vague (lightning bolts from the mages, the dragon lashing out with claws and fangs at his melee attackers, etc).

Everyone has an idea in their head about things like lightning bolts and dragon attacks. Those can be auto-filled, there's no drama unless the results are dramatic.

But no one is expecting a breath weapon like that, or a pot of ink to be hurled in the middle of a battle. Those need attention.

And I mix names and descriptors enough that identities should be clear without anything being overused.

I'm sure there are better written scenes out there, but if you are having trouble, then maybe this scene and my breakdown of what I was doing with it may help you figure out what you need for your scenes.