BigHoodieBoy
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2021
- Messages
- 157
- Points
- 83
I don’t know if my story is good I want to know if it is so please review
- Thread starter BigHoodieBoy
- Start date
KoyukiMegumi
Kitty
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2021
- Messages
- 1,201
- Points
- 153
Okay, your first chapter doesn't sit well with me. Not only is it incredibly short, (I think told you that before) but I feel like I missed this?
Please never put suicide and have a better life afterward. Remember, suicide is the end product of a massive depression. It isn't because, fuck this life type of thing. It results from a untreated disease. Although you have a warning on top, it doesn't change the fact that this is a kind of glorifying the idea of if I kill myself, maybe my next life will be better. There isn't anything to prove there is next life, it is just the end for many.
It shouldn't be glossed over like, I leaped and died and now I am going to become a king. Someone told me isekais were already being blamed for suicide and this is a kind of nail on the head for it? I don't know, but it sounds like it to me.
You may not mean it this way, but there are impressionable minds out there, and can read that and be like maybe for me? So, I would suggest deleting that part alone, and just starting a cliffhanger sequence where Mc is being reborn/transported to a new world.
The warning you have, I would put a link to sites to lead people for help. It is nice you care, but the extra mile could save a life. And since you are diving into a sensitive topic, you should go the extra mile.
Please never put suicide and have a better life afterward. Remember, suicide is the end product of a massive depression. It isn't because, fuck this life type of thing. It results from a untreated disease. Although you have a warning on top, it doesn't change the fact that this is a kind of glorifying the idea of if I kill myself, maybe my next life will be better. There isn't anything to prove there is next life, it is just the end for many.
It shouldn't be glossed over like, I leaped and died and now I am going to become a king. Someone told me isekais were already being blamed for suicide and this is a kind of nail on the head for it? I don't know, but it sounds like it to me.
You may not mean it this way, but there are impressionable minds out there, and can read that and be like maybe for me? So, I would suggest deleting that part alone, and just starting a cliffhanger sequence where Mc is being reborn/transported to a new world.
The warning you have, I would put a link to sites to lead people for help. It is nice you care, but the extra mile could save a life. And since you are diving into a sensitive topic, you should go the extra mile.