I.D. Tech New Book Need Feedback (Sci Fi Crime Drama)

[xX_Dave_Xx]

So anyways I'm new to this site so I just posted my book and it has to get reviewed... The first 2 chapters are coming to this site.

Frankly I'm tired of waiting so I'll just post the link to where I have the most chapters posted.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40309/id-tech

So anyways looking to get feedback. If this is something you'd continue reading. I have a high view count on the first chapter and it gets lower and lower as chapters are released.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

So anyways I'm new to this site so I just posted my book and it has to get reviewed... The first 2 chapters are coming to this site.

Frankly I'm tired of waiting so I'll just post the link to where I have the most chapters posted.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40309/id-tech

So anyways looking to get feedback. If this is something you'd continue reading. I have a high view count on the first chapter and it gets lower and lower as chapters are released.

That sounds interesting than other popular story tropes have seen or heard of on some of online platforms. Will bookmark to perhaps read later on.

 

[xX_Dave_Xx]

That sounds interesting than other popular story tropes have seen or heard of on some of online platforms. Will bookmark to perhaps read later on.

Cool. Thanks man.

 

[Sylverius]

So anyways I'm new to this site so I just posted my book and it has to get reviewed... The first 2 chapters are coming to this site.

Frankly I'm tired of waiting so I'll just post the link to where I have the most chapters posted.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40309/id-tech

So anyways looking to get feedback. If this is something you'd continue reading. I have a high view count on the first chapter and it gets lower and lower as chapters are released.

Lately I've been seeing interesting stories such as angel's dirge, a quest, and now this. I've just read chapter 1, I'll give more feedback once I've reached the latest but I have to say, you got me hooked.

 

[xX_Dave_Xx]

Lately I've been seeing interesting stories such as angel's dirge, a quest, and now this. I've just read chapter 1, I'll give more feedback once I've reached the latest but I have to say, you got me hooked.

Awesome man glad to hear it. :) Stuff like this inspires me to write more.

 

[TheTrinary]

I'd mostly call it fine.

I think your biggest hurdle are your stylistic choices. Of which, I saw three.

1) Some really minor stuff within the writing and prose. Not worth mentioning but a small cleanup wouldn't hurt.
2) The choice to tell your story in third person present is odd. Normally people use first person present or third person past. Other choices are possible and some people get real weird with it successfully. In your case, I'm not sure why you are telling your story in this way. It doesn't seem to be an artistic choice.
3) And the biggest issue which is a problem in my opinion is the constant flashing back and flashing forward. It's epileptic.

On the plus side, it's an interesting premise and a genre that you normally don't see on sites like this. If you could clean up the way its written, I think it could be fantastic.

 

[xX_Dave_Xx]

I'd mostly call it fine.

I think your biggest hurdle are your stylistic choices. Of which, I saw three.

1) Some really minor stuff within the writing and prose. Not worth mentioning but a small cleanup wouldn't hurt.
2) The choice to tell your story in third person present is odd. Normally people use first person present or third person past. Other choices are possible and some people get real weird with it successfully. In your case, I'm not sure why you are telling your story in this way. It doesn't seem to be an artistic choice.
3) And the biggest issue which is a problem in my opinion is the constant flashing back and flashing forward. It's epileptic.

On the plus side, it's an interesting premise and a genre that you normally don't see on sites like this. If you could clean up the way its written, I think it could be fantastic.

Thanks for the feedback. I mostly have experience writing in third person. As for the flashbacks and stuff I kind of see what you are saying. There's quite a few of them.... But they do tie into the story.