How's my synopsis? Tips please

[TheTaintedOne]

Here's the synopsis for my epic fantasy novel. I have tried to establish the core character conflict in this character-driven synopsis with cta in the end. The title for the story is 'The Dragon's Blood'.

Spoiler: Synopsis

"How much are you willing to sacrifice to reclaim what was never truly yours?"

For centuries, the realm of mortals has sheltered safely behind a sacred pact. Forged when darkness reigned supreme and enslaved all of mankind.

Now the pact lies shattered.

Broken by the very souls who foolishly believed they could control what their ancestors had rightfully feared. From the forbidden lands, a nightmare awakens: a witch who whispers deadly promises of power beyond mortal reach.

The age of war is coming.

In the northern wilds, young Einar fights a war within himself. His crimson eyes mark him as the witch's spawn, a demon cursed from birth. Whispers follow his every step, but being an outcast is the least of his torments.

Each night, dreams consume him. He relives an ancient warrior's death, fights with skills that are not his, and longs for a woman he's never met. The warrior's memories bleed into his waking hours, claiming his thoughts, his actions, his very identity until he fears the face in the mirror is no longer his own.

But when Einar finally uncovers the truth behind these haunting echoes...

What choice will he make?

Can he reclaim his stolen life?

Or will he be pulled toward a destiny where only death awaits?

With the help from last thread I was able to fix few issues and created the new one.

Any tips would be much appreciated, from world-level conflict to side plot conflict. Note that for Einar (Mc), this is a core conflict that would throw him into the world and major conflicts for which some can even say... his destiny.

The Dragons Blood

'How much are you willing to sacrifice to reclaim what was never truly yours?' For centuries, the realm of mortals has sheltered safely behind a secret pact, forged when darkness reigned supreme and enslaved all of mankind. Now the pact lies shattered, broken by the very souls who foolishly...

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[SeaJay]

Synopsis
"How much are you willing to sacrifice to reclaim what was never truly yours?"
For centuries, the world of men has sheltered safely behind a secret pact forged when darkness ruled and enslaved men. Now the pact lies shattered, broken by the very men who foolishly believed they could control what their ancestors had rightfully feared. From the forbidden lands, a nightmare awakens: a witch who whispers deadly promises of power beyond mortal reach. The age of war is coming.
In the northern wilds, young Einar fights a war within himself. His crimson eyes mark him as the witch's spawn, a demon cursed from birth. Whispers follow his every step, but being an outcast is the least of his torments.
Each night, dreams consume him. He relives an ancient warrior's death, fights with skills that are not his, and longs for a woman he's never met. The warrior's memories bleed into his waking hours, claiming his thoughts, his actions, his very identity until he fears the face in the mirror is no longer his own.
But when Einar finally discovers the truth behind these haunting memories, Can he reclaim his stolen life, or will he be pulled toward a destiny where only death awaits?
No harem. Slow burn. Tragedy. Rich history. Immersive world-building. Hard magic system. Religious conflict. Gore.
Expectations:
If you're looking for fast progression, low stakes, or an overpowered protagonist typical of many LitRPG stories, this may not be the right fit for you, and I appreciate you taking the time to check it out regardless.
However, if you're drawn to slow-burn narratives with raw emotions and high stakes, where the protagonist feels genuinely human in a world that doesn't revolve around them, then you've found what you're looking for. I encourage you to read a few chapters to see if this story resonates with you.
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Most definitely I would break up the synopsis to make it easier to read. The words are phrased beautifully, but I can't make it past the second sentence without having to stop because it's just so dense. Break it up into smaller paragraphs, single lines, that kind of thing.
Other than that, maybe rephrase a few things or switch some things around. And maybe you don't need so much information - the readers usually aren't that dumb - but it's a personal choice.
But the synopsis is amazing otherwise! I actually want to read it - but only after re-reading the synopsis.

 

[TheTaintedOne]

Most definitely I would break up the synopsis to make it easier to read. The words are phrased beautifully, but I can't make it past the second sentence without having to stop because it's just so dense. Break it up into smaller paragraphs, single lines, that kind of thing.
Other than that, maybe rephrase a few things or switch some things around. And maybe you don't need so much information - the readers usually aren't that dumb - but it's a personal choice.
But the synopsis is amazing otherwise! I actually want to read it - but only after re-reading the synopsis.

Thank you for the tip. I would break it to create tension with small sentences.

Most definitely I would break up the synopsis to make it easier to read. The words are phrased beautifully, but I can't make it past the second sentence without having to stop because it's just so dense. Break it up into smaller paragraphs, single lines, that kind of thing.
Other than that, maybe rephrase a few things or switch some things around. And maybe you don't need so much information - the readers usually aren't that dumb - but it's a personal choice.
But the synopsis is amazing otherwise! I actually want to read it - but only after re-reading the synopsis.

Hey!

I have tried breaking the synopsis into small sections or sentences to create tension while ending it with better question. And used some strong words like 'reigned supreme' 'mortals' 'souls' 'uncovers'.

Please let me know if it feels better...

Spoiler: New Synopsis

"How much are you willing to sacrifice to reclaim what was never truly yours?"

For centuries, the realm of mortals has sheltered safely behind a sacred pact.

Forged when darkness reigned supreme and enslaved all of mankind.

Now the pact lies shattered.

Broken by the very souls who foolishly believed they could control what their ancestors had rightfully feared.

From the forbidden lands, a nightmare awakens: a witch who whispers deadly promises of power beyond mortal reach.

The age of war is coming.

In the northern wilds, young Einar fights a war within his own soul.

His crimson eyes mark him as the witch's spawn, a demon cursed from birth. Whispers follow his every step...

But being an outcast is the least of his torments.

Each night, dreams consume him. He relives an ancient warrior's death, fights with skills that are not his, and longs for a woman he's never met.

The warrior's memories bleed into his waking hours, claiming his thoughts, his actions, his very identity until he fears the face in the mirror is no longer his own.

But when Einar finally uncovers the truth behind these haunting echoes...

What choice will he make?

Can he reclaim his stolen life?

Or will he be pulled toward a destiny where only death awaits?

Spoiler: Another version

"How much are you willing to sacrifice to reclaim what was never truly yours?"

For centuries, the realm of mortals has sheltered safely behind a sacred pact. Forged when darkness reigned supreme and enslaved all of mankind.

Now the pact lies shattered.

Broken by the very souls who foolishly believed they could control what their ancestors had rightfully feared. From the forbidden lands, a nightmare awakens: a witch who whispers deadly promises of power beyond mortal reach.

The age of war is coming.

In the northern wilds, young Einar fights a war within himself. His crimson eyes mark him as the witch's spawn, a demon cursed from birth. Whispers follow his every step, but being an outcast is the least of his torments.

Each night, dreams consume him. He relives an ancient warrior's death, fights with skills that are not his, and longs for a woman he's never met. The warrior's memories bleed into his waking hours, claiming his thoughts, his actions, his very identity until he fears the face in the mirror is no longer his own.

But when Einar finally uncovers the truth behind these haunting echoes...

What choice will he make?

Can he reclaim his stolen life?

Or will he be pulled toward a destiny where only death awaits?

 

[SeaJay]

Hey!

I have tried breaking the synopsis into small sections or sentences to create tension while ending it with better question. And used some strong words like 'reigned supreme' 'mortals' 'souls' 'uncovers'.

Please let me know if it feels better...

It's hard to strike that balance, huh? Your wording edits definitely work though, and the synopsis already feels much better!
Personally, I'm jealous! My own synopsis is barely two sentences, but yours took up entire paragraphs!
For your synopsis, I would go for:

Spoiler: My Version

"How much are you willing to sacrifice to reclaim what was never truly yours?"

For centuries, the realm of mortals has sheltered safely behind a sacred pact, forged when darkness reigned supreme and enslaved all of mankind.

Now the pact lies shattered, broken by the very souls who foolishly believed they could control what their ancestors had rightfully feared.

And from the forbidden lands, a nightmare awakens: a witch who whispers deadly promises of power beyond mortal reach.

The age of war is coming.

In the northern wilds, young Einar fights a war within his own soul. His crimson eyes mark him as the witch's spawn, a demon cursed from birth. Whispers follow his every step, but being an outcast is the least of his torments.

Each night, dreams consume him. He relives an ancient warrior's death, fights with skills that are not his, and longs for a woman he's never met.
The warrior's memories bleed into his waking hours, claiming his thoughts, his actions, his very identity until he fears the face in the mirror is no longer his own.

But when Einar finally uncovers the truth behind these haunting echoes...

What choice will he make?

Can he reclaim his stolen life?

Or will he be pulled toward a destiny where only death awaits?

Or something similar. All I did was combine a few sentences that had similar ideas, move other similar groupings into paragraphs, just that kind of little tweaks. I would also recommend slightly tweaking the wording of the first 3-4 sentences for a better flow, like the 'And' I put before "From the forbidden lands...".
But the synopsis is great regardless!

 

[TheTaintedOne]

It's hard to strike that balance, huh? Your wording edits definitely work though, and the synopsis already feels much better!
Personally, I'm jealous! My own synopsis is barely two sentences, but yours took up entire paragraphs!
For your synopsis, I would go for:

Spoiler: My Version

"How much are you willing to sacrifice to reclaim what was never truly yours?"

For centuries, the realm of mortals has sheltered safely behind a sacred pact, forged when darkness reigned supreme and enslaved all of mankind.

Now the pact lies shattered, broken by the very souls who foolishly believed they could control what their ancestors had rightfully feared.

And from the forbidden lands, a nightmare awakens: a witch who whispers deadly promises of power beyond mortal reach.

The age of war is coming.

In the northern wilds, young Einar fights a war within his own soul. His crimson eyes mark him as the witch's spawn, a demon cursed from birth. Whispers follow his every step, but being an outcast is the least of his torments.

Each night, dreams consume him. He relives an ancient warrior's death, fights with skills that are not his, and longs for a woman he's never met.
The warrior's memories bleed into his waking hours, claiming his thoughts, his actions, his very identity until he fears the face in the mirror is no longer his own.

But when Einar finally uncovers the truth behind these haunting echoes...

What choice will he make?

Can he reclaim his stolen life?

Or will he be pulled toward a destiny where only death awaits?

Or something similar. All I did was combine a few sentences that had similar ideas, move other similar groupings into paragraphs, just that kind of little tweaks. I would also recommend slightly tweaking the wording of the first 3-4 sentences for a better flow, like the 'And' I put before "From the forbidden lands...".
But the synopsis is great regardless!

I see

Looks like I overdid a little bit. You added the first 2 lines with a comma to keep the flow.

Thanks for helping me. I truly get it now, why people say that writing a whole book is easier than writing a proper synopsis.

For why I wrote a little bigger is coz of two hooks that have been used, one is for world level hook and another was character driven... then there is a call to action that I have used for raising stakes.
Hope this will help you... got a little tip from other writers in the forum.

 

[SeaJay]

Thanks for the advice!

 

[melchi]

Personally, it comes across as really vague. "Something that is never truly yours" = could be anything

A lot of the stuff is a bit specific for a synopsis. It goes into world building. The purpose of a synopsis is to tell a potential reader why they should read the story. Proposing really vague questions tells me as a reader that it is a story that is going to be vague. Which makes me think it could be one of those isekai stories where there are 50k words before they even go to another world or something that is incredibly slow.

The best synopsis are short, snappy and answer the question: "Why should I give this story a try?"