TheUnseen912
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- Aug 10, 2025
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Hi, pls I would really appreciate HONEST feedback on the pacing, hook potential and originality of this novel which I plan to upload soon. It is a Dark Supernova Fantasy, very anime styled and pacing.
Any other advice or opinion is highly welcomed and would be appreciated.
I would appreciate non filtered feedback to help me tighten the novel and increase its performance. I just thought I'll come here first..?
Title: DARK HIERARCHY.
Genre: Urban Fantasy, Action.
INTRO:
"You're too weak. Pathetic, even for a child. Just wander around until you die."...
The words still echo in my head.
Weak?
No. I'll reach the top… and I'll make him eat those words.
My name used to be Xelian — the world's greatest assassin. I'd climbed every ladder, broken every rival, and still found no trace of the man who once saved me… and cursed me. Without him, victory felt hollow. Death was the only thrill left.
I didn't expect Death to have its own rules — or a hierarchy.
And when I died, I had no choice but to defy them.
Now they call me Dark Silver. Not human. Not alive. Not even a reaper but a Leacher, a false reaper as I was always reminded— made from a mistake that cost another reaper his life. That alone put a bounty on my head.
Any sane person would hide, I was told to...
But— where's the thrill in that?...
Instead, I walk straight into the most elite reaper academy in the realm — Light Slumber Prestige — and treat it like my hunting ground.
Here's my rule:
Occupy a position, and you're on my list.
Get praised by someone in power? You're on my list.
Look me in the eye? Definitely on my list.
The "Premiums" — spoiled college elites — hate me. The leading Reaper organisation, Dark Light, wants me erased. I want the same thing they do… only my way involves burning the entire system down with me.
Because somewhere at the top of this rotten hierarchy… he's waiting.
And when I find him, the real fun begins.
✓ Detailed visual godlike battles.
✓ Psychological manipulations and power struggles.
✓ School life ruled by social labels and hierarchy.
✓ Emotional breakthroughs.
✓ And of course heavy character development and intense world building.
{Also does this the last bit make it look AI generated?}
Any other advice or opinion is highly welcomed and would be appreciated.
I would appreciate non filtered feedback to help me tighten the novel and increase its performance. I just thought I'll come here first..?
Title: DARK HIERARCHY.
Genre: Urban Fantasy, Action.
INTRO:
"You're too weak. Pathetic, even for a child. Just wander around until you die."...
The words still echo in my head.
Weak?
No. I'll reach the top… and I'll make him eat those words.
My name used to be Xelian — the world's greatest assassin. I'd climbed every ladder, broken every rival, and still found no trace of the man who once saved me… and cursed me. Without him, victory felt hollow. Death was the only thrill left.
I didn't expect Death to have its own rules — or a hierarchy.
And when I died, I had no choice but to defy them.
Now they call me Dark Silver. Not human. Not alive. Not even a reaper but a Leacher, a false reaper as I was always reminded— made from a mistake that cost another reaper his life. That alone put a bounty on my head.
Any sane person would hide, I was told to...
But— where's the thrill in that?...
Instead, I walk straight into the most elite reaper academy in the realm — Light Slumber Prestige — and treat it like my hunting ground.
Here's my rule:
Occupy a position, and you're on my list.
Get praised by someone in power? You're on my list.
Look me in the eye? Definitely on my list.
The "Premiums" — spoiled college elites — hate me. The leading Reaper organisation, Dark Light, wants me erased. I want the same thing they do… only my way involves burning the entire system down with me.
Because somewhere at the top of this rotten hierarchy… he's waiting.
And when I find him, the real fun begins.
✓ Detailed visual godlike battles.
✓ Psychological manipulations and power struggles.
✓ School life ruled by social labels and hierarchy.
✓ Emotional breakthroughs.
✓ And of course heavy character development and intense world building.
{Also does this the last bit make it look AI generated?}