Here is the basic outline of my story. Thoughts and criticisms?

[Verdant]

(Note: This is a shorten version of key details from my outline)

Aperol Sprtiz title​

Gist
Theme: Perseverance, exploration, friendship
Genre: Sci-fi fantasy, litrpg, action, lgbtqia+, 1st person
Setting: Portunus (Ocean exo-planet), 2086
Tone & Pace: Fluid, dark, bubbly, moderate pace
Conflict: Life-killing robots, corrupt government, adjusting to new planet
Synopsis: After humans left an inhabitable and polluted Earth, they start anew with magic-like powers and face new challenges like life-killing robots on an aquatic exo-planet.


Combat system
Generally speaking, Bellus members and other superhumans fight using a weapon. Ranging from bare fists, to swords, to guns.
It should be noted that in relation to the story, Bellus group up to form battle groups, depending on their sector.

A power called elemental powers are used to grant the user(s) access to magical powers such as fire or poison. These powers combine with weapons to form techniques.
The classe system is a rpg-like class structure that puts each Bellus (and robot or other human) into a set of specialize stats and abilities. More powerful combatants use more powerful classe’s

Shield’s act as the first health bar for combatants. Once it goes down, raw health is used and when that goes to zero, death incurs.
Shields have scouting features alongside other features like communication between allies and others.
Power is non-linear/expanding yet a power ceiling exits (no blowing up entire cities or whatever).


Setting
Portunus is a Dwarf planet located in the Goldielocks zone in the Astra system. It’s an Oceanworld (planet) with 90% water coverage and 10% landmass. 2000 miles in size with a 360 rotation (day-night cycle). 90% is deep blue (ocean), 6% is brown (rock), 4% is gray (sand).

The oceans are vast, deep, blue, with mild temperature oceans covering most of the surface. Landmasses include one main land mass with a few nearby islands and archipelagos making up 10% of the surface. There’s also some sandy and rocky terrain.
Portunus serves as the main planet/setting and is an exoplanet 10 light years away from Earth.
Also robots exist and are the reason behind the lack of life.

Human and earthling settlers live inside a city called Caeruleus, the Ocean City. The city has a futuristic, sleek design using materials from the planet, such as durable alloys and synthesized composites. Buildings are a mix of above-water and underwater structures.

Additionally, The planet’s surface has a common creation of nanomachines. These nanomachines are microscopic self-replicating robots that assemble themselves into different robot types, often larger and more complex.
Their function is believed to be the ominous force designed to destroy any life (or any complex life).

 

[Deleted member 19066]

That's is a collection of information and lore.

But what is the story about?

Who is it about, what happens and how does it end?

 

[Verdant]

The story synopsis is more like the synopsis of arc 1.. Beyind that, I uh think I know what the story is about.. I didn’t want to put my later arcs (or essentially mega chapters) in which is why my story seems extremely short and vague. I probably won’t give that detail out until I’m serializing since only 60% of the outline for the story is done.


The story is told from the perspective of Umbra, more specifically, Azzurra. Umbra is apart of Bellus, the primary (and only) military corporation of the story. The most dangerous and thankless jobs are carried out by Umbra, a moderate sized group consisting of 13 members. These members were hand-picked, especially since they pretty much are the outcasts of society or have no where else to go back to (like family).
Illustrating this, the Umbra are like the Scouts from Attack on Titan. Umbra also are cool in that they all have the same color scheme and similar outfits (Black> orange> white)


Onto the protagonist herself; Azzurra Carozza, she’s a 22 year old (bisexual) woman. She has tan skin with short, curly blue hair and orange eyes. If you know mbti and enneagram she’s an Estp 8w7 Social (872). For those that do not, she’s a cunning and resourceful gal who loves helping others out, though her short-sightedness and deceitful personality is her nemesis.

Her combat style imitates that of the theif or assassin class in rpgs. She fights with a yo-yo and utilizes the element of electricity to aid in her battles. May have some slight abandonment issues..

 

[Zinless]

This might just be me, but I feel simplifying how you present your lore would do wonders. Try not to use jargon/terms too much, it turns off a lot of potential readers.

Use a more descriptive or at least simpler way to describe your setting. People will have a hard time imagining a scene based solely on names or terms they don't know yet.

As Omni said, we don't actually know what the story will be about yet, all we know is the setting and the protagonist's appearance and fighting style. We don't know what she's fighting for, what she's struggling with, etc. Thus, I couldn't give you any criticism on how the premise would perform, because there isn't one yet.

 

[Verdant]

This might just be me, but I feel simplifying how you present your lore would do wonders. Try not to use jargon/terms too much, it turns off a lot of potential readers.

Use a more descriptive or at least simpler way to describe your setting. People will have a hard time imagining a scene based solely on names or terms they don't know yet.

As Omni said, we don't actually know what the story will be about yet, all we know is the setting and the protagonist's appearance and fighting style. We don't know what she's fighting for, what she's struggling with, etc. Thus, I couldn't give you any criticism on how the premise would perform, because there isn't one yet.

Sci-fi always has too much jargon I will admit I definitely didn't explain most of my terms in this thread so I apologize for that. I’m a native english speaker so italian and latin words aren’t that hard for me to understand or get an idea of what it’s saying. However, for most people they probably won’t actually know what any of these terms mean.

I also admit I suck a lot at worldbuilding in general and giving actual motivations to my characters lol. Both tend to be surface level and vague, which are things both commenters have pointed out (alongside Chatgpt). I give a lot of my info in bullet points which doesn’t transfer well when it comes to directly sending information to others (since these things make a lot more sense to me than to others).

I’m hoping that once I begin to go in detail and write the script of my chapters, a lot of these accurate critiques will get addressed and somewhat fixed.

Thanks for the feedback!