Help please?

[OAG007]

I’ve started posting my books here on Scribble Hub and would really appreciate some honest feedback on the chapters I’ve uploaded so far. I’m looking for straightforward impressions what works, what doesn’t, what catches your attention, and what loses it.

If you have a few minutes to read through a chapter or two, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time.

Torian(Book 1)

The village burned. The boy survived. And the fire that should have killed him… chose him instead. ⸻ Torian was only thirteen when his world ended in flame. Alone among the ashes, he discovers a living ember buried in the ruins—a fragment of the First Flame, a power older than...

www.scribblehub.com

Dren Mako(Book 1)

Dren Mako scavenger from the dead world Khar-Tor bonds with the sentient warship Sable Vow and gains surgical lightning powers. Stranded on a vast, magic planet, he fights titans and monsters, is dragged into a canyon-city (Coalglass), and becomes its knife: dismantling an oppressive...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[servo]

I read Torian, and I feel the balance between dialogue and exposition could use some work.
Chapter 2 felt like an extension of Chapter 1 — nothing much happens, so it loses momentum.
Chapter 3 finally picks up, but by that time the reader’s already starting to lose interest.
My suggestion: consider merging parts of Chapters 2 and 3 so the story keeps its pacing tight and hooks readers earlier.

 

[OAG007]

I changed up chapter 2 while leaving chapter 3 the same by trying to go more into the first few nights he’s all alone in the wilderness before he meets skarn