Help, I can't get up! (Help in making the fight scene)

[Sylverius]

I've been in a hiatus for about 2 weeks now, I promised my readers that I would post a new chapter on the day after I got my PC again... Which was 6 days ago. I've been having a mental block, making me forget about how to make a fight scene. I'm at 584 words now, but I always felt like something was wrong with my fight scene recently. I'll post all of the 584 words here so you guys can have a bit of context as to what's going on here.

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'Levy's opponent, Zane Agate. An ex-S-rank adventurer who quit adventuring in pursuit of a peaceful life. He never joined another party ever since a huge accident which costed his whole party's life occurred in a dungeon dive. He was the only one able to get out. Even though he's a demon, he has no desire for more knowledge. The reason why he became a teacher was because he was scouted by Merlin and was given huge compensation in order to teach. The price? Enough to live for 300 years. There are 2 reasons as to why he was specifically and personally scouted by Merlin herself. One, his control over magic. And the second, is the fact that he is one of the strongest S-rankers in history.'


Kuro shivered as he read Rai's report about Zane. It wasn't of fear, but of excitement. However, he was still annoyed. It was impossible for them to fight against the teachers seriously, since they were wearing limiters, which was one of the main reasons why they could match against them, in order to not have that much of a gap in power, they were forced to wear a limiter in the form of a necklace.


'Well, as disappointing as it is, I suppose it's reasonable...' Dejected, he looks to Levy.


Levy held her daggers tightly as she stared daggers at Zane, who was sheepishly holding his twin scythes. Though he was timid, he held his guard perfectly, without any gaps in his defense, mainly due to his wind abilities.


They kept waiting for each other to make a move... The one who makes the wrong move loses. Levy has an advantage in terms of speed, but Zane has an advantage in skill, considering the pros and cons of the situation, Levy wanted to observe in order to search for openings she can exploit. Unfortunately, Zane did the same.


They stood there patiently, Levy observes his shivering while Zane observes her blades. As time passed by with seconds that seemed like minutes, time kept moving forward.


Suddenly, Levy charged herself up with lightning. Zane prepared himself and stood his ground, that's when Levy fully charged herself and dashed full speed ahead. Zane then threw his scythe in panic, to which Levy had deflected.


*KLANG*


"-?!"


Immediately after she bounced it off, it burst into a wind sphere and knocked Levy back a bit. Though it was just a bit, it was enough to give Zane enough time to react and counterattack. He immediately directed the scythe to strike down at her, to which she evades. Suddenly, he appears right in front of her and strikes down with his other scythe. As he struck down at her, she disappeared once more.


"Tch, I'll have to finish this quickly." Levy says as she charges up once more.


Zane, without trying to give her more time to charge up, dashes right at her by pulling himself with the scythe's chain. However, he pulled himself in too fast, letting him not have any time to pull himself together. With that, Levy took the chance and struck him with her dagger as swiftly as she could. However, she felt something as she got closer, even Kuro knew about it at first glance. As her dagger was getting closer and closer, she felt as if she was getting slower and slower.


Suddenly, Zane was able to dodge her attack.


"Tch, you're quick for a kid- Ngh!"


Zane held his chest tightly. He was in pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So this is my current situation. There's a reason as to why he held his chest, and I'm not gonna elaborate because spoilers. Also, he wasn't injured, just so you know.

I've rested for 2 weeks, I know how the battle plays out, but I can't seem to put it into words. Any tips?

 

[Aaqil]

Zane then threw his scythe in panic

hmm, panic

"Tch, you're quick for a kid- Ngh!"

and yet a strange sudden change to overbearing ,or arrogant, or someother word i cant recall, point is, his attitude seems to have changed in the few seconds of that clash, or i might be reading it completely wrong, idk

 

[Snusmumriken]

Well first of all tenses - choose either past or present please don't jump back and forth.

second of all if you are writing from a 3rd person limited (from Kuro's POV it seems) describe what Kuro feels. how his heart jumps at certain movements or even run a commentary through Kuro. don't speak to readers directly have Kuro speak on your behalf.

Since spoilers and we don't know how the battle proceeds - can't really draw it for you but I would say figure out major "GASP" moments. Then add in some general activities that could lead from one gasp to the other so to say. then climb into Kuros head and have him talk to your readers about the sequence.

Add in tiny details that bring a bit of realism: they clashed weapons and sparks are flying - have Kuro notice the smell of burnt weapon oils from the grind. Did they CLANG? have him flinch from loud noise. was there a crowd? have them ooh and aah and groan if something happens.

by the way, Kuro was watching this with such rapt attention his eyes are dry without blinking.

 

[Sylverius]

hmm, panic

and yet a strange sudden change to overbearing ,or arrogant, or someother word i cant recall, point is, his attitude seems to have changed in the few seconds of that clash, or i might be reading it completely wrong, idk

I can't tell you because spoiler, but I'm literally pointing it out.

Well first of all tenses - choose either past or present please don't jump back and forth.

Wait, I thought I was writing in present tense?

second of all if you are writing from a 3rd person limited (from Kuro's POV it seems) describe what Kuro feels. how his heart jumps at certain movements or even run a commentary through Kuro. don't speak to readers directly have Kuro speak on your behalf.

Ah, I'm writing in 3rd person (not limited to Kuro's POV).

Since spoilers and we don't know how the battle proceeds - can't really draw it for you but I would say figure out major "GASP" moments.

It's obvious that they would all lose anyways and it's no spoiler. But Kuro's on the other hand, I have some ideas with how I'm going to make that fight. Their only goal there is to surprise the teachers with the original magic made with the help of Kuro in order to let the teachers do a give-and-take teacher-disciple relationship so that they can learn more. Kuro just wants to fight him head-on, but can't since Levy already fought him.

Then add in some general activities that could lead from one gasp to the other so to say. then climb into Kuros head and have him talk to your readers about the sequence.

I do plan on doing that once any of the other 4 show their unique magics. Once they show their unique magic, either Kuro or the person that used it will explain what happened and how they did it. I don't really know how to make a FP perspective, so uhhh can you elaborate?

Add in tiny details that bring a bit of realism: they clashed weapons and sparks are flying

Well, Levy does wield lightning, but I don't know how to put it in there.

have Kuro notice the smell of burnt weapon oils from the grind. Did they CLANG? have him flinch from loud noise

They're far away from the battlefield, and it's covered in a barrier.

was there a crowd? have them ooh and aah and groan if something happens.

There is, but they're all focused ever since Kenny showed his unique magic.

by the way, Kuro was watching this with such rapt attention his eyes are dry without blinking.

Well, it IS isekai, and Kuro WAS used to not blinking when playing (yes, he was modeled after me, and yes, I don't blink that much).

 

[Snusmumriken]

Umm, I was giving you examples. not exact things to write. if you don't like them don't use them.

I don't know any details about what is going on I have no idea about barriers or Kenny since these weren't mentioned in the blurb afaik. I gave you general things on what to consider and how to make it palatable to your readers with the limited information I had.

You don't need to argue with me about the specifics of my examples.

They stood there patiently, Levy observes his shivering while Zane observes her blades. As time passed by with seconds that seemed like minutes, time kept moving forward.

Here is an example of tenses. red is past green is present.

 

[Sylverius]

Umm, I was giving you examples. not exact things to write. if you don't like them don't use them.

I don't know any details about what is going on I have no idea about barriers or Kenny since these weren't mentioned in the blurb afaik. I gave you general things on what to consider and how to make it palatable to your readers with the limited information I had.

You don't need to argue with me about the specifics of my examples.

oh uhhh right. Sorry, my mistake.

Here is an example of tenses. red is past green is present.

Ohhhh now I get it hahaha

 

[hauntedwritings]

Zane held his chest tightly. He was in pain.

I don't know if this is meant to only be a place holder or not as you say you won't elaborate due to spoilers. But in the event that you're not, this is where the problem is, in my opinion.

'He was in pain.' is a classic breaking of the show, don't tell rule. Of course, we always break the rule occacionally. But in this case it helped you get stuck.

Somehow that pain seems significant from how you decide to mention it, but say it's not due to an injury. So, yourself in the character's perspective - show your readers what he's experiencing. What is that pain he's experiencing? How does it feel?

And how does it influence his actions? Since it seems to be significant, it doesn't seem to be something he's going to shake off since the character has to hold its chest. Is it distracting? Confusing? Does it leave an opening? (Which to be fair, it certainly is. You probably wouldn't want to stop and clutch your chest in a real fight - unless you're so badly injured that you think you're dying. For the injured character, by the description, should be well adjusted to dealing with pain due to his experience. In which case, you've already lost, and the fight is over.)

And in any case, does the opponent capitalize on the opening or not?

You may have birthed your characters, but you're not in control of them. The characters tell the story, you're merely voicing it for them.

 

[CypherTails]

I can tell your style of writing action scenes is different from mine but I thought I might as well share mine to see if you get anything out of it.

So basically for me, I found the style that works for me in writing is that text is not a very good tool for describing action because it just doesn't translate well in this medium. (My opinion of course) Like if you read a lot of the successful widely known novels you will notice the actual actions in the fight are simple.


Example 1: (Overlord first fight)

Most of this fight is just the drama of these spell casters realizing they are fighting something close to a god in terms of power. The focus is not that action itself, it is that Ainz is so damn powerful compared to them.

Example 2: (Slime Rimuru kills army)

For this one, the main thing here is not that Rimuru slaughters an entire army. The main focus here is that Rimuru loses one of his companions and this is a significant turning point for the character. Rimuru turns from the friendly slime to Demon Lord Rimuru, which signals the end of his pacifism.


Basically for all the above examples, the focus is not on the action, it is on establishing some other objective for the story. So the authors don't focus on it, they use what I call climatic moments.

Basically its:

Initial tension --> build up --> Climatic moment --> release of tension

So for the examples:

Overlord
1) Before the battle (Intial tension)
2) The spell casters throw their weaker attacks and they do nothing (build up)
3) They send the op angle and Ainz one-shots it (Climatic Moment)
4) Release of tension and wrap up conversations

Rimuru
1) the town is attacked (intital tension)
2) His companion dies and Rimuru snaps (build up)
3) Rimuru slaughters army, kills sentient creatures en masse for the first time and the death of his pacifism (Climatic moment)
4) Release of tension and wrap up convo


So for with this in my mind my process is that I construct the climactic moment first then I decide how do I build up to that epic moment.

If you want a good textbook examples of this type of action scenes you can watch these videos:

Not much action just tension, climatic moment, release and rinse and repeat. If you realize for these videos the action scenes here are quite simple and easy to describe when shifted into a text format as compared to something like in the SAO anime.

I mean if you look at the above scene you going to struggle with putting that kind of action into text, it's so fast and so many things are happening. It's not impossible but definitely difficult and you run the risk of bogging down the whole fight scene in descriptions.

I would say try to use the strength of the medium rather than try to emulate other mediums. The reason I am telling you this is because of this

*KLANG*

Sound effects don't translate well into text. They do very well in visual formats because it sells the weight of the attacks, letting the viewer feel the power behind the attacks. Here's an example of good use of the "klangs"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfaUIIUm0J0

So in summary use the strength of the text medium and don't try to emulate visual formats too heavily. Borrow what you can discard the rest. Text is great for drama, describing emotions, inner monologue, etc... use those discard all the flashy stuff.

Of course, this is all just my opinion hope this helps you. Cheers.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

You don't need advice on how to improve your fight scenes, but you need advice on how to write a fight scene, right? Envision the fight, write an outline, add flavor, and you're good to go.

First, think of how the fight proceeds, the course of action. You can also think of how the fight ends and what purpose this particular fight holds. Then you write a rough outline. You write all the action, the exact movements of the fighters. You do it that way so that readers would be first and foremost able to envision the fight. And lastly, you add flavor: all the fancy words, reactions of bystanders, fighters' thoughts, 'beautiful' phrasing, and other stuff like that.

If you are asking for the critique\review of this exact fight scene. The fight itself lasts barely 300 hundred words. I would say there are two major mistakes. Tense usage as was pointed out earlier, and sentence length.

"However, he was still annoyed. It was impossible for them to fight against the teachers seriously, since they were wearing limiters, which was one of the main reasons why they could match against them, in order to not have that much of a gap in power, they were forced to wear a limiter in the form of a necklace." This sentence is overly long, in my opinion. I think there is no storytelling reason to write such a long sentence. It makes it hard for the reader to understand what happens there.

I can also add usage of identical words. "Levy held her daggers tightly as she stared daggers at Zane, who was sheepishly holding his twin scythes." Held daggers as she stared daggers. I mean, you can change "she stared daggers" into "her gaze was drilling a hole in him" or "she was glaring" something along these lines. It's not a big mistake, and you shouldn't spend all your time on this. But in my opinion, using more unique words\phrases helps with readability a bit.

 

[Sylverius]

Somehow that pain seems significant from how you decide to mention it, but say it's not due to an injury. So, yourself in the character's perspective - show your readers what he's experiencing. What is that pain he's experiencing? How does it feel?

Ohh... Right.

And in any case, does the opponent capitalize on the opening or not?

I've continued writing it after reading everyone's tips and yes, she does.

Example 1: (Overlord first fight)

Example 2: (Slime Rimuru kills army)

A man of isekai culture

Of course, this is all just my opinion hope this helps you. Cheers.

It does help me out greatly, just not in this situation though, but it still helps about the fact that I now have references for the very future.

First, think of how the fight proceeds, the course of action. You can also think of how the fight ends and what purpose this particular fight holds. Then you write a rough outline. You write all the action, the exact movements of the fighters. You do it that way so that readers would be first and foremost able to envision the fight. And lastly, you add flavor: all the fancy words, reactions of bystanders, fighters' thoughts, 'beautiful' phrasing, and other stuff like that.

Huh... Alright, I guess that makes sense.

If you are asking for the critique\review of this exact fight scene. The fight itself lasts barely 300 hundred words. I would say there are two major mistakes. Tense usage as was pointed out earlier, and sentence length.

Ah yes, even my friends pointed it out when I tried asking them, however, just like me, they also don't know how to make a fight scene so I came here.

This sentence is overly long, in my opinion. I think there is no storytelling reason to write such a long sentence. It makes it hard for the reader to understand what happens there.

I did delete that part and changed it into Kuro thinking to himself:

'Well, as exciting as it is, it's impossible to fully fight him due to his limiters...' Dejected, he looks to Levy and her opponent.

How's this one?

I can also add usage of identical words. "Levy held her daggers tightly as she stared daggers at Zane, who was sheepishly holding his twin scythes." Held daggers as she stared daggers. I mean, you can change "she stared daggers" into "her gaze was drilling a hole in him" or "she was glaring" something along these lines. It's not a big mistake, and you shouldn't spend all your time on this. But in my opinion, using more unique words\phrases helps with readability a bit.

You know, after looking back at it and this, I just couldn't help but laugh at how high I am hahaha

 

[Jemini]

I'm not really sure I'm the best person to ask, I take a VERY different approach to writing fight scenes from most that I feel is a little more reflective of real life.

The way I play mine is to have most of the tension building done through logistics, often building the tension before the fight even begins. Then, the fight itself handles more like a sort of anti-climax. In my writing, the people are in front of each other, then BAM!! All of a sudden one person takes the initiative and is wailing on the other, it's a moment of complete chaos for all of maybe 2 or 3 in-world seconds, then the fight is over with out much room for back-and-forth exchanges.

Basically, rather than the drama most people go for, I try to accurately relay the suddenness with which a combat situation can arise in the real world. This is mostly born from the fact I have actually been in fights in the real world, have real martial arts training which I have practiced since I was 7, and have known several people in the police and military. (No military myself, but I've known enough people who have experience with the real s**t on a frequent basis that I've heard stories.)

So, the idea is to use the suddenness of the attacks to build an atmosphere for the world where the reader is tense every time that someone new shows up, and they grow to expect fights to break out completely without warning. Get them used to the idea there won't be all this build-up to show an impending fight scene you get from most series.

 

[Sylverius]

I'm not really sure I'm the best person to ask, I take a VERY different approach to writing fight scenes from most that I feel is a little more reflective of real life.

The way I play mine is to have most of the tension building done through logistics, often building the tension before the fight even begins. Then, the fight itself handles more like a sort of anti-climax. In my writing, the people are in front of each other, then BAM!! All of a sudden one person takes the initiative and is wailing on the other, it's a moment of complete chaos for all of maybe 2 or 3 in-world seconds, then the fight is over with out much room for back-and-forth exchanges.

Basically, rather than the drama most people go for, I try to accurately relay the suddenness with which a combat situation can arise in the real world. This is mostly born from the fact I have actually been in fights in the real world, have real martial arts training which I have practiced since I was 7, and have known several people in the police and military. (No military myself, but I've known enough people who have experience with the real s**t on a frequent basis that I've heard stories.)

So, the idea is to use the suddenness of the attacks to build an atmosphere for the world where the reader is tense every time that someone new shows up, and they grow to expect fights to break out completely without warning. Get them used to the idea there won't be all this build-up to show an impending fight scene you get from most series.

So uhh after reading this, I think I know why people keep saying about making a tension or build-ups and stuff...

Let me tell you context of the current story, right now, they're taking an entrance exam to get admitted to a school where they can learn more ways to harness their abilities and even learn stuff that they don't know about. I did do some tension building by letting them show their powers by letting them do some shenanigans before entering the city and while inside the school.

I have heard that making good ass tensions and letting it all blow up in one fell swoop in a battle, similar to how a guy climaxes while having lube on the palm of his hand.

I hope this clears up the confusion hahaha

 

[Jemini]

Examples of what I call tension are 1. Implying a fight may be possible. 2. Implying that said potential fight does not stack up well for the MC. 3. Putting up some stakes, spell out what the consequences of losing are.

The ways I tend to resolve that tension are. 1. The MC ambushes the potential threat in a sneak attack. 2. They have a head-on fight. 3. They escape from the potential fight. (In the last case, the tension is not instantly released and is actually maintained for a while with the audience left with a feeling something worse may happen, which makes #3 a very good option if implemented well.)

 

[Sylverius]

Examples of what I call tension are 1. Implying a fight may be possible. 2. Implying that said potential fight does not stack up well for the MC. 3. Putting up some stakes, spell out what the consequences of losing are.

The ways I tend to resolve that tension are. 1. The MC ambushes the potential threat in a sneak attack. 2. They have a head-on fight. 3. They escape from the potential fight. (In the last case, the tension is not instantly released and is actually maintained for a while with the audience left with a feeling something worse may happen, which makes #3 a very good option if implemented well.)

Yes! I've been looking for something like this. I forgot the necessary methods for a build-up because of my bad memory, but you actually gave me the steps, thank you!