hello, I'd like some feedback :)

THEELECTRICSLAYER

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2025
Messages
8
Points
3
This is my book, it's literally what I always daydream about everyday, but in a novel, I'm still new to this, this is the first book that I ever published online(most of the time it's only local), I use chatgpt and deepseek to ask how creative every single chapter is, and I use Grammarly to help me make the book, my first language is not english, but arabic, so i'd like to know if the book is good.

THE ELECTRIC SLAYER
 

SeaJay

Active member
Joined
Jun 24, 2024
Messages
71
Points
33
This is my book, it's literally what I always daydream about everyday, but in a novel, I'm still new to this, this is the first book that I ever published online(most of the time it's only local), I use chatgpt and deepseek to ask how creative every single chapter is, and I use Grammarly to help me make the book, my first language is not english, but arabic, so i'd like to know if the book is good.

THE ELECTRIC SLAYER
Okay, there are a multitude of problems. The premise is just fine, but it will be challenging for someone just starting out in writing English. You have the passion and enough knowledge of tools to bring it to life. And you at least have a basic grasp of English, which is more than some of the things I see on here.

Honestly, your work reads like some of my old writings back in elementary school. But this means you still have a lot of room to improve, which is a good thing!
Here are some things I found in your writing:

1. You want to introduce your character, yes, but not like that. "My name is Ethan. I'm 15." or "Ethan, 15, [insert stuff]" are common ways to do it.

2. And your first sentences need to set the pace - brimming with narrative tension, beautiful prose, fascinating hooks, characters, all that stuff. Set in some mystery and show what the book will be about. The first sentences are the most important (second to the title and synopsis and marketing) and usually determine whether or not the reader wants to continue.

3. And after fixing that, try using tone and mood and more sensory details. If your character Ethan, say, goes to a mountain (just go along with me please), then what does he see? How does the wind feel? The temperature? What does he smell? Take in all the small details, even the ones you won't include, and use them to help describe everything. That is the basis of prose and good writing.

Other than that, just keep reading and writing. That's the best advice I can give - read and write A LOT.
 

THEELECTRICSLAYER

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2025
Messages
8
Points
3
And you used chatgpt to write your entire synopsis.
yep, my original synposis wasn't very eye catching
Okay, there are a multitude of problems. The premise is just fine, but it will be challenging for someone just starting out in writing English. You have the passion and enough knowledge of tools to bring it to life. And you at least have a basic grasp of English, which is more than some of the things I see on here.

Honestly, your work reads like some of my old writings back in elementary school. But this means you still have a lot of room to improve, which is a good thing!
Here are some things I found in your writing:

1. You want to introduce your character, yes, but not like that. "My name is Ethan. I'm 15." or "Ethan, 15, [insert stuff]" are common ways to do it.

2. And your first sentences need to set the pace - brimming with narrative tension, beautiful prose, fascinating hooks, characters, all that stuff. Set in some mystery and show what the book will be about. The first sentences are the most important (second to the title and synopsis and marketing) and usually determine whether or not the reader wants to continue.

3. And after fixing that, try using tone and mood and more sensory details. If your character Ethan, say, goes to a mountain (just go along with me please), then what does he see? How does the wind feel? The temperature? What does he smell? Take in all the small details, even the ones you won't include, and use them to help describe everything. That is the basis of prose and good writing.

Other than that, just keep reading and writing. That's the best advice I can give - read and write A LOT.
i just changed it to see more meta, and about the details, I will add that style to future chapters, thanks for the advice!
 
Top