Hello! I am a beginner writer, and I would like feedback and advice on my book.

[FallenMoon3]

This is my first book, so I tried to write something simpler. If anyone could point out my mistakes so that I can improve, I would be grateful.

Tale of the Creation of the Heavens

 

[Nolff]

You got plenty of chaps released already...? Seems nice. Let me take a look.
Just recently read your first chap. Check the comment there.