Give feedback for a newbie author pls. Roast it if you want.

[JellyFish000]

Hello, this is my first ever novel. I'm not a native speaker so I don't have high expectation. Tell me what you think. Much love.

Cultivation Starting With Treasure Gathering Bowl

After an unfortunate death, Xitu is reincarnated into a cultivation world. He screams in joy. He’s got all the perfect MC traits: dead parents, trash talent, and being neglected by his clan. But… where’s his golden finger? No system? No mysterious grandpa in a ring? No ancient bloodline...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Tsuru]

Spoil the cheat (and effect).
The meta is now to JP-spoil stuff everything to bait readers.
Dont give this bullcrap "Lets discover together the epic adventures of -MC-" in a grandpa kind of story telling.


People kept mocking on the JP titles having 1km long wording. But the truth is, it works.
Pretty sure Danmachi would have a harder time be popular if it didnt spoil : Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?
as title.
Even chinese novels now do this tactic.
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I am not asking you to rewrite the title, but plz rewrite the very end of the summary.
There is nothing to gain to "hide" what does the "treasure gathering bowl".

 

[JellyFish000]

Thank you for your feedback, I'll think about it seriously

 

[miyamiwu]

As much as I hate seeing spoilers in summaries, I gotta agree with @Tsuru that it does work in some cases. I just checked your story, and your main selling point really does seem to be the cheat. It won’t be a spoiler in your case, but instead a regular premise. Mention it in your summary and tease its effects, so that potential readers will have something to be curious about. Like, how is MC’s cheat different from other similar stories? What makes his cheat unique? Your title mentions a treasure gathering bowl, and the first thing that popped into my mind is an actual bowl which he has to cook in to activate the cheat. If that’s the case, readers looking for a slow, cooking novel will be drawn to your story. If not, then they’d just be going in with false expectations. Or, is the bowl perhaps related to crafting? Then that’s one thing you could mention in your summary.

 

[Tsuru]

As much as I hate seeing spoilers in summaries, I gotta agree with @Tsuru that it does work in some cases. I just checked your story, and your main selling point really does seem to be the cheat. It won’t be a spoiler in your case, but instead a regular premise. Mention it in your summary and tease its effects, so that potential readers will have something to be curious about. Like, how is MC’s cheat different from other similar stories? What makes his cheat unique? Your title mentions a treasure gathering bowl, and the first thing that popped into my mind is an actual bowl which he has to cook in to activate the cheat.

If that’s the case, readers looking for a slow, cooking novel will be drawn to your story.
If not, then they’d just be going in with false expectations.
Or, is the bowl perhaps related to crafting? Then that’s one thing you could mention in your summary.

?

 

[JellyFish000]

I have fixed the final line to tease it a bit. What about the actual story, do you guys have any feedback?