Feedback thread from me.

[Slays_The_Crusader]

I'm doing my own feedback thread now, mainly cause I wanna read and review more stuff around here.
You don't gotta interact any of my stuff in return, but it would be appreciated if you did.
I'll read the first few chapters of your book and tell you what I think of it.

My qualifications:
I can read.
Pretty much nothing else.

What I will do:
Read the first few chapters of your book.
Tell you what I think of it, not in a "How well would this sell" way, but in a "How much I liked reading it way,"
I'll give you whatever feedback I can, though maybe take it with a bit of a grain of salt considering by only writing knowledge comes from YouTube videos and the fact that I got an B in 10th grade English.

 

[dummycake]

would you read lesbian smut?

 

[Slays_The_Crusader]

would you read lesbian smut?

Hell yeah brother.

 

[dummycake]

Hell yeah brother.

LMAO
here it is my friend

The Princess Doesn’t Know How To Bully Me, So I Bullied Her [ONESHOT]

There's this classmate, a blonde girl, who is the Princess of our kingdom, and she tries to bully me every day. The problem is that she doesn't know how to; she's the most innocent little princess. Her bullying consists of childish spell pranks that kids learn when they're 8. So, I...

www.scribblehub.com

it's an oneshot though

 

[RyujiSakamata]

do want to try mine?

 

[Ge-O-Fey]

Hellossu!
Wanna try my story? I would appreciate it.
Here it is: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/812971/infinity-seed/
Thanks for reading!

 

[Slays_The_Crusader]

LMAO
here it is my friend

The Princess Doesn’t Know How To Bully Me, So I Bullied Her [ONESHOT]

There's this classmate, a blonde girl, who is the Princess of our kingdom, and she tries to bully me every day. The problem is that she doesn't know how to; she's the most innocent little princess. Her bullying consists of childish spell pranks that kids learn when they're 8. So, I...

www.scribblehub.com

it's an oneshot though

Pretty good tbh, though my main issue is with the grammar.
It's best to say "[Insert character here] said" after the character is done talking, at least for me it's way easier to read.
Also, when a character is done talking, press enter to make a new line, it makes the story way easier to read.
Eg.
"I like apples" Johnson said.
"Why?" Asked Beatrice.

instead of

"I like apples" Johnson said. "Why?" Said Beatrice.

Other than that, pretty good Lesbian smut oneshot. I also liked how you sprinkled in worldbuilding in the form of a teach explaining stuff, really helps your story feel like it's in its own world.

 

[dummycake]

Pretty good tbh, though my main issue is with the grammar.
It's best to say "[Insert character here] said" after the character is done talking, at least for me it's way easier to read.
Also, when a character is done talking, press enter to make a new line, it makes the story way easier to read.
Eg.
"I like apples" Johnson said.
"Why?" Asked Beatrice.

instead of

"I like apples" Johnson said. "Why?" Said Beatrice.

Other than that, pretty good Lesbian smut oneshot. I also liked how you sprinkled in worldbuilding in the form of a teach explaining stuff, really helps your story feel like it's in its own world.

thank you :)
the thing about starting a paragraph, funnily enough, it's what I struggle with the most lol

 

[Slays_The_Crusader]

do want to try mine?

Read the first two chapters of the Dark Lord's Bride book, pretty good honestly.
You do a good job at establishing Sachi's character, her life before becoming part of the book, and just how bad the book is itself.
Might honestly read it more, it looks like a fun book so far.

 

[T.K._Paradox]

Might as well throw my hat into the ring.

The Occult Files Of Michael Bloom

A story following the adventures of an eccentric detective as he takes on cults, mystical beings, and the social elite.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[RyujiSakamata]

Read the first two chapters of the Dark Lord's Bride book, pretty good honestly.
You do a good job at establishing Sachi's character, her life before becoming part of the book, and just how bad the book is itself.
Might honestly read it more, it looks like a fun book so far.

Thank you

Spoiler

i love you

very much

 

[Raymann]

fact that I got an B in 10th grade English.

no shame in that. I failed twice.

Have my novel for review.

 

[AdOtherwise]

I'm doing my own feedback thread now, mainly cause I wanna read and review more stuff around here.
You don't gotta interact any of my stuff in return, but it would be appreciated if you did.
I'll read the first few chapters of your book and tell you what I think of it.

My qualifications:
I can read.
Pretty much nothing else.

What I will do:
Read the first few chapters of your book.
Tell you what I think of it, not in a "How well would this sell" way, but in a "How much I liked reading it way,"
I'll give you whatever feedback I can, though maybe take it with a bit of a grain of salt considering by only writing knowledge comes from YouTube videos and the fact that I got an B in 10th grade English.

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into the fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[TheKillingAlice]

the fact that I got an B in 10th grade English.

I mean, probably better than I would have done, who knows.

Anyway, I will just be that person that doesn't show shame and puts down two stories at once. But one of them is new, so it barely counts. It's basically the back of milk carton in length. Nothing major.

Of Crows and Butterflies [LitRPG]

He was the King, the big Brother. He was the first among all others. And one day, he decided to vanish. This is the story of Milton, who died an old man, just to be reborn as Isaac Layer and start anew, setting out for another quiet life in the...

www.scribblehub.com

The Crazy Daughter of the Duke’s Family

Celia had fought creatures called 'Visitors' for as long as she could remember. Together with Pan, a Visitor of Special Grade himself, her single goal was to survive. Yet after dying an unexpected death one day, she woke up and found herself as that one inconsequential, short lived villainess...

www.scribblehub.com

Would at least be cool if you chose to give your opinion on them.

 

[Yellowleaf]

Here please my friend.

Will the worthless salaryman find his worth in another world?

'Aren't you fed up' 'Going to same place every day, eating the same food' My heart asked me. Even though I worked so hard I could only get a mediocre job. I wish I could leave all this, already. I have no wife or girlfriend. And my parents only care...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[ManwX]

yoooo. I would be so glad if you could look into this series. Im sure you might like it.

Journey to Eden Prime: The Last World of Humanity

Growing up, most kids chased dreams, Alex chased wrenches. Thrown into the world of starship mechanics at a very early age by his grizzled mentor, his childhood hummed with the clang of tools and the rhythm of engines. Yet, within this gilded cage, a yearning echoed. He felt trapped, taught...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Redadam04]

Kudos to your selfless service that you provide for the fellow authors.

 

[SummerSweetTea]

I see you have a few already posted here for your viewing pleasure but if you are interested, I'm always willing to hear some opinions.

Gemstone Princess: The Rise of Amalia

Gemstone Princess: The Rise of Amalia is a magical adventure that takes Amalia from the non-magical world of Elca to the magical Lita. When a dark curse crosses the boundaries between worlds and impacts Amalia's village, she learns that the curse is looking for her. The only way to stop...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[fantasyretreat]

Would love a feedback on my story too.

---

 

[Slays_The_Crusader]

Sure, would love to hear your thoughts on The Desolate Blade.

Pretty good overall, First Chapter (P.0) does a pretty good job at establishing the dark tone, and the world that your book takes place in.
Some things feel just a tad over described, though that's just a personal taste of mine.
Not personally a fan of dark fantasy books, but someone who's into that sort of thing should have a good time with your book.