Feedback request — Legendary Arthur (livestreaming King Arthur + pop culture chaos)

[ArthurLendario]

Hey folks! ?

I'm looking for honest feedback on my story, *Legendary Arthur: Streaming Across the Realms*. No holding back—I genuinely want to know what's working and what's not. I writing the book 2.

**The Premise:**
What if King Arthur... was a livestreamer?

Arthur is the King of Camelot, but he's also streaming his entire legendary life to his "Squad" using a magical recording crystal. Think medieval fantasy meets Twitch culture—complete with dragon selfies, chaotic battles, pop culture references, and Arthur's complete lack of self-preservation instincts.

It's written in **Live-Lit format**: the narration simulates a real-time livestream with colloquial, fast-paced, interactive language—exactly how Arthur would talk to his digital audience.

**What I'm most excited about:**
The characters. Each one has their own distinct voice, style, and visual identity. They're original, unpredictable, and I'm obsessed with their backstories (which unfold gradually). As the story progresses, you'll meet:

- **Morgana** (yes, THAT Morgana—but not how you'd expect)
- **Lenora** (anti-heroine vampire shadow hunter who eventually joins the hero team)
- **Camila** ("The Living Weapon"—tragic, powerful anti-heroine)
- **Valerius** (the main villain with serious style)
- **Lancelot** (the REAL one this time, not his cousin Lancelittle ?)
- And more chaos agents...

The story starts with Arthur being Arthur (reckless, funny, chaotic), but it evolves into something bigger—more action, more humor, more badass moments, and deeper character interactions.

**What I'd really like to know:**

**Does the concept hook you?** (Livestreaming King Arthur—too weird or just weird enough?)

**Do the characters feel real and worth rooting for?** (Especially Arthur—is he likable despite being chaotic?)

**Does the pacing hold your interest or drag in spots?** (The early chapters are setup, but I promise it ramps up fast)

**Is the Live-Lit format working?** (The "streaming" narrative style—love it or find it distracting?)

**Are the pop culture references landing or overdone?**

**What's your favorite moment so far?** (If you have one!)

**What's NOT working for you?** (Seriously—be brutal. I want to improve.)

**If possible:**
Point out one scene that clicked for you and one that felt slow or confusing. I'll happily return the favor and check out your work too!

The story has **heavy doses of:**
- LitRPG/progression elements (Excalibur is OP and Arthur loves it)
- Comedy (Arthur's commentary is... unhinged)
- Action (dragons, orcs, mutants, magic battles)
- Pop culture Easter eggs (movies, memes, modern slang in a medieval world)
- Found family dynamics (the Squad grows over time)

**Current status:**
10 chapters posted (updating weekly with 2 chapters). The story is complete at 65+ chapters, so no worries about abandonment—I'm in this for the long haul.

If you give it a shot, thank you! If you leave feedback, you're a legend. If you do both, I'll probably name a character after you in Book 2. ?

? **Read here:** Legendary Arthur Streaming Across the Realms

Thanks for your time, and I'm looking forward to hearing your honest thoughts!

**— ArthurLendario** ??

P.S. — If you drop feedback, leave your story link too. I'll read and reciprocate!

 

[ArthurLendario]

Guys, Feel free to share your thoughts! Help me with feedback

 

[L1aei]

Wait... WAIT! Is this the locked Camelot thread I missed out on reborn?

 

[Eldoria]

Well, I've bookmarked your fiction. I'll give you feedback once I've read it. However, you probably won't see my feedback anytime soon. I don't want to make false promises.

 

[ArthurLendario]

Wait... WAIT! Is this the locked Camelot thread I missed out on reborn?

If you missed it before, now’s the right time. Camelot is back, Legendary Arthur, and it’s not behaving.”

Well, I've bookmarked your fiction. I'll give you feedback once I've read it. However, you probably won't see my feedback anytime soon. I don't want to make false promises.

That’s completely fair and I appreciate the honesty. Thanks for bookmarking it, and take your time. I’ll be here.”

 

[Eldoria]

Guys, Feel free to share your thoughts! Help me with feedback

Well, I've read 8 full chapters to gauge immersion as a causal reader.

My overall impression is that your chapters feel less immersive or flat even though you use the first POV (which is supposed to make the reader feel like the MC through the "I am" narrator). Why?

Because you use the first POV more like a meta-commentary and exposition tool to explain the plot, characters, and worldbuilding.

For example, your narrative introduces the party members through the MC by saying, "He's named X, has personality a, b, c, and has role Y."

This is not good. The reader is simply 'lectured' instead of being shown how eccentric these characters are. As a result, the reader will easily forget these characters in the next line.

Another example, your narrative provides exposition about a place, its function, and a brief history. Again, this is light-telling through the MC's meta-commentary.

A lively narrative should show how alive the world is, making the reader feel the roughness of the gravel in that place, the damp smell of the place, etc.

If you want your narrative to be more lively and more immersive, then you need to re-position your MC as an active subject living in his world.

Minimize meta commentary and expository explanations related to character, plot, and worldbuilding.

Let your MC breathe, feel, act, and live in their world.

Narrate the MC's experience of slaying a dragon. How does the MC feel when swinging the sword? How does the MC feel when being chased by the dragon? How does the MC mentally react when fighting the dragon?

Narrate these scenes sensorially, involving all five senses, physiological, and emotional. This way, the reader might feel the tension the MC feels.

This is about narrating an immersive scene using the first POV.

Furthermore, your narrative tends to be vague in some scenes. The problem?

You don't provide enough space and time context in the scene and don't provide enough spatial clues about the characters' positions in the scene.

For example, you immediately mention seeing a dragon flying above the field (if I remember correctly). This is an abstract narrative.

Readers are confused about interpreting this narrative. What kind of field? Where is the field? What is the condition of the field? Dry ground? Wet ground? Where is the MC standing? Where are the MC's colleagues?

Without space and time context and spatial clues, the narrative is perceived as vague. Readers are just imagining white space in their heads or filling it with random imagination. The solution?

Provide context of time and space along with spatial clues regarding the MC's position.

I'm standing in the field. My friends are following me. The dragon is flying above the field.

This is an abstract narrative. Readers need to guess the relative positions of the MC, his friends, and the dragon in the field.

I'm standing in the middle of a gravel field. Lys and Luu are standing on my right and left. The sunlight is fading. I look up. My black eyes reflect the shadow of the black dragon blocking the sun.

This is a concrete narrative. Readers can visualize this scene in 3D in their perception. Narrate a more cinematic scene as if the reader could see an action movie.

Well, that's a little feedback from me. I hope it helps (or maybe not).

Regards.

Critical Note:
My assessment may be biased. I'm just giving honest feedback as a causal reader.

**Does the concept hook you?** (Livestreaming King Arthur—too weird or just weird enough?)

This story's premise is actually quite fresh. It has the potential to reach a wide audience due to its lighthearted and humorous theme. Unfortunately, the storytelling is lacking. No matter how good the premise, it doesn't mean if readers won't feel engaged.

**Do the characters feel real and worth rooting for?** (Especially Arthur—is he likable despite being chaotic?)

Arthur's character is quite funny and entertaining but the other characters are more like random NPCs whose names I don't even remember due to the less than impressive story execution.

**Does the pacing hold your interest or drag in spots?** (The early chapters are setup, but I promise it ramps up fast)

Are you seriously asking me? Honestly, the pacing is a mess. The flow of the scenes feels random and confusing.

 

[Eldoria]

**Is the Live-Lit format working?** (The "streaming" narrative style—love it or find it distracting?)

It doesn't work. Your narrative is more like meta-commentary, not like a live stream. I suggest you study cinematic narrative. Treat your scenes like a movie. Manage scene blocks, transitions, narrative camera angles, and character movement. Imagine writing the narrative like a director producing a movie.

**Are the pop culture references landing or overdone?**

Quite right. The live stream was quite entertaining if I ignored the bad storytelling, and I might have enjoyed the live stream.

**What's your favorite moment so far?** (If you have one!)

Hmm... the moment when Arthur was chased by the Orc was quite funny.

**What's NOT working for you?** (Seriously—be brutal. I want to improve.)

Well, I already gave feedback at the beginning of my answer. If you stop treating the MC as meta-commentary or an exposition tool and treat MC as a living human being in his world, your narrative will become immersive.