Feedback pls

[Yuin]

So the reason why I’m writing novels time to time is to train my English and improve my writing for exams lol… So I decided to publish some of my practice essays I wrote in my free time and want some feedback! (Disclaimer: it‘s academic essay, not a narrative story) I also play a lot of games and study literature a bit so pls share with me your thoughts!
The Meaning Of All Things

I’ll continue to give feedbacks like…in the next 2 weeks. Pls bear with me

 

[SeaJay]

It's good.
Your hook is nice, but your transitions could do better.
Things like:

Which means you no longer interact with anything you’ve ever known. You’re reduced to nothing. Nothing in the sense that you have ceased to exist. Basically, your cognitive ability disappears and so does your consciousness.

Then why are humans so scared of dying? If what I just described sounds so peaceful, I don’t think that’s really a threat. In fact, people who’ve lived through hardship might say death is merciful. Because memories are what shape us.

feel a little clunky and strange to me, almost like you're blending a narrative and an essay.
Other than that, a 100/100 from me!

Edit: According to ChatGPT, you're mixing formal and informal tones (the former for academic papers, the latter for stories) and that's causing the confusion. You sound too casual at times, and it really conflicts with the otherwise academic tone. So I guess that explains it.