Feedback on my Synopsis?

[Cookiez_N_Potionz]

"Fate loves playing games."

16 year-old Ariya HollowBright & 15 year-old Daphne Jonas are star-crossed lovers. One is reluctant while the other is reckless.

Ariya only loved her family's bakery & archery, until Daphne moves into town. For the past 5 months unfamiliar dreams have plagued Daphne without explanation and meeting Ariya wasn't in her love horoscope.

When the truth is revealed about their past Ariya & Daphne must participate in a game, the 12 Labors Of Hercules.

Can they claim victory or will they be torn apart for all eternity?


(Genres: Survival Game, Greek Mythology, Action, Modern Fantasy, GL)

 

[Lookbehindyou]

A quote without a speaker? Or just a common idiom?

HollowBright? Is that a gamer tag? Why both capped? Or is it a middle name and a last name merged?

Star crossed as in they met or they are fated or they are dating already?

I can't comment on the horoscope thing... Idk about that kinda stuff.

Ok the 12 labors cool. Idk how Hercules the solo legend and gl mix but it seems interesting.

Very dramatic last sentence. Nothing wrong just seems a bit disjointed overall.

Just my thoughts. Good luck with your story.

 

[Cookiez_N_Potionz]

That quote is from an unknown narrator.

I wanted to do that trend where you give a main character an over-the-top name.

Star-crossed means they are fated to be together but something is stopping them. There's reincarnation.

Horoscope is a character hobby.

12 Labors Of Hercules is a Greek Tale.

Is it too dramatic?
Anything else I should add or change?

 

[FRWriter]

I like it...

Pretty good synopsis, though I think you could refine it.

I would slightly reword and expand this part:

Ariya only loved her family's bakery & archery, until Daphne moves into town. For the past 5 months unfamiliar dreams have plagued Daphne without explanation and meeting Ariya wasn't in her love horoscope.

This sounds a little hasty and disjointed.

Maybe refine it a little more, but this is already serviceable, I guess.

On a personal level, it's kinda interesting, though calling a 16 and 15-year-old star-crossed lovers? A little thick IMO.