Feedback on my stories?

Cool stories?

  • Nah.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • hmmm, I don't know.

    Votes: 1 100.0%
  • Yeah, sure why not?

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • It's good.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • YES!

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    1

Swordyelz

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2026
Messages
11
Points
3
Hi, I'm a new writer. i haven't posted my stories yet (maybe later). but I like some opinion and criticism from you all (if you're willing to) regarding my stories! Thanks! (sorry for my broken grammar.)
Hope you like it!

Content warning (strong language.)

Synopsis:

The year is 2157, and the world is a scorched map of its former self. Honestly? Good riddance.
Vika and Yodoka are two scavenger girls born in the ironically named "Hopeless War." A conflict they entirely wanted to forget, but one that left them with a lot of problems to dodge.
They are total opposites: one is a reckless chaos-gremlin raised by her dad, while the other is a quiet, chronically tired survivor raised by her mom.

Stuck together in a massive, lumbering scavenger truck, their only chaperone is Xea, an enigmatic (and occasionally passive-aggressive) AI. Together, this makeshift "family" is cruising the wasteland, chasing a rumor of a pristine, cozy "home" that probably doesn't even exist.
The journey is simple: Travel to Sector NA, across the Bering Bridge, down to District A, and keep your eyes open for anything. Easy, on paper.

But as the miles pile up and the rations dwindle, the girls realize the outside world isn't the real threat. The true test of survival is dealing with each other. Between morbidly near-death experiences and bickering over the music, Vika and Yodoka are forced to confront the secrets they've been hiding from one another.

It’s a story about the irony of life, moral erosion, impossible choices, finding the punchline in the apocalypse, and discovering that "home" might just be the people you share the front seat with. Will they ever make it to their destination? Maybe.

The road is long. But either way, one thing’s for sure that they’re not sure about a damn thing.

Volume 1: How to start
Epigraph.
[File audio opened... Source: Unknown. Playing...]

“What’s the point of having life when the life itself is just pointless and full of paradoxes? To find a meaning? To find something? Am I a ghost or just being too hard from what I should have become? How many times do humans break things? I hate you. Why me? Why you? How many times should I live to die?”

Chapter 1: Morning breakfast.
[Sector NA, Outside District E-57: Truck's cargo | 06:15 AM | 2157]


An alarm blared. It had been snoozed for fifteen minutes and now rang even louder in protest—until a hand slammed down to silence it.

"Blyat." Vika let out a long groan in Russian. "Fucking morning." She stretched her limbs like a lazy cat, joints popping.

The sunrise leaked through the dusty truck windows, reflecting off the grime on the floor. Inside, the 25-meter-square cargo hold smelled faintly of yesterday's fruit perfume mixed with sweat. It was calm, save for the steady tick-tick-tick of an old clock mounted on the wall.

Vika crawled onto the sofa in front of her, slumped against the frame and felt drained. After spitting a stray strand of hair from her mouth, she blinked until the world stopped blurring. She wiped the crust from her normal left eye, then buffed the smudge off the lens of her basic prosthetic right.

Half-asleep, Vika dragged herself into the bathroom beside her. A 3-meter-square room, large enough to fit a bathtub and a toilet. The door slid open to the right. She turned on the shower and splashed the cold water over her face and dried off with her shirt.

She went to the corner cabinet by the mirror, grabbed a comb and facial cleanser. She untangled her short, messy black hair while humming a low tune. Afterward, she worked moisturizer into the scars on her face and arms, lingering on the jagged mark in her right eye.

She should've died that day during the wolf incident. But life wanted her to suffer and now she had to deal with a lot of nightmare. All she could do was to hope it would fade. Maybe one day, it would be gone with all the nightmares.

"Good luck." She grinned a bit at the mirror, though the heavy bags under her eyes remained.

She left the bathroom, made her way to the hidden storage room in the back, the one where her sister usually did her ‘scientist work’. She walked past the kitchen section and pressed a mechanism on the wall. The door slid upward, revealing a well-placed workspace lit only by filtered sunlight.

The atmosphere inside was different from the open room outside. It was dark, tight, and somehow felt safe. Notes, wires, a toolbox, and even a plate were on the floor. But the boxes, gun racks, and scavenged things were placed neatly around the room.

She flicked on the lights at the workbench. She took her bionic eye from its charging seal and held it. Sitting down, she began her daily ritual: the swap.

With practiced movements, she eased the basic prosthetic from her right socket, wiped it with a tissue, and placed it in the drawer labeled ‘Eye A’. Then she pressed the bionic eye into place. A soft click signaled the connection. She blinked a few times, though her vision remained tethered only to the left. The bionic eye needed to be activated only when necessary, since it had a night vision system that could kill her if she left it on for 24 hours non-stop.

Back in the kitchen section. It was really just a mini-fridge, a stove, a washing machine, and a sink crammed into a 5.6-meter-square open room. Vika chugged water straight from the tap. She tossed a pan onto the stove, splashed in artificial oil, and pulled out canned rice and frozen bacon from the fridge.

Bacon, rice, and… wait. Where did that bitch go? She glanced around the cramped space. No luck. Of course.

She kicked the fridge shut, tossed the canned rice into the heater, and walked back into the "bedroom"—essentially just a multi-purpose free space.

After tossing a pillow onto the sofa and quickly folding the bedding, she reached up on her tiptoes to pull open a ceiling compartment labeled Things. With a firm tug, the panel glided open, revealing a clever, hidden compartment tucked into the roof’s hollow.

She stowed the linens inside, pulled out a folding table in one fluid motion, and set it up by the windows, dragging the sofa over to complete the room.

Through the window, she could see the quiet district in the distance—people walking, minding their business, a few police patrols rolling by.

Her mind drifted to her sister. Where is she?

She blinked and caught herself. Why would I care about that girl?

A moment later, the kitchen door slid open with a soft hiss. Yodoka climbed in, her drones hovering behind her carrying grocery bags, while she carried only her personal bag. Still in her pajamas—an oversized shirt and the arm sleeve she always wore to hide her burned skin. Her dyed grey-black hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, held by her mother's flower pin. Her brown eyes were empty.

Without a word, she set her bags down. The drones placed groceries on the counter before powering down into her bag. Yodoka pulled out a knife and a chopboard, moving with quiet efficiency.

"Morning, cold-face," Vika said, dropping bacon into the sizzling pan. The aroma escaped to the vents. "So, where you going today?"

Yodoka said nothing. She began chopping tofu with deliberate, rhythmic strokes.

What's the matter with this bitch?

"I said MORNING. Blyat." Vika rolled her eyes.

"I know," Yodoka muttered, slamming the knife a little too hard.

"Whoa, whoa—chill, sis."

"Kono gaki, I'm trying to enjoy some silence here. What's wrong with you anyway?" Yodoka muttered.

"What?" Vika's face fell. "I'm trying NICE here, you little bitch!"

Yodoka whirled around, her expression a sarcastic mask of mock cheer. "Then gooood morning, my lonely sister."

"Oh, I am doing just fineeee, lovely sister!" Vika threw the sarcasm right back. "You could have just said it earlier! Not even a week in here, and you are acting like caged monkey!"

"Funny, the monkey is talking."

"Say again!?"

Before round two could explode, a loud blast erupted from the truck's horn, making both girls freeze.

After a deadly quiet stare-off, they returned to cooking as if nothing had happened. Vika stirred the pan more quickly and cranked the heat to 200 °C. Yodoka chopped the tofu even harder, as if she were cutting a board rather than tofu.

[08:48 AM]

They sat across from each other at the cramped fold-out table. Breakfast was a tragic spread: overcooked bacon, raw tofu, and stiff rice.

Vika closed her eyes and clasped her hands. Yodoka followed suit, though more slowly. Vika led the prayer as she always did—a habit from her dad, back when prayers still meant something.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, thank you for the meal we have. Bless us with this meal. Forgive our sins, and forgive those who persecuted us, especially my rude sister—"

"Tch," Yodoka muttered.

"—In the name of Jesus. Amen."

They opened their eyes. Vika grabbed her fork. Yodoka picked up her chopsticks.

"Itadakimasu," Yodoka said quietly in Japanese, placing a piece of bacon in her mouth.

Meanwhile, Vika had already devoured her food like a goblin and was reaching for another strip. Yodoka reached for some tofu, her perfectly straight back in stark contrast to Vika's ‘shrimp-like’ slouch.

Later, when Vika tried to snag another piece, Yodoka pinned Vika's fork to the table with her own. Vika yanked back with all her force, but Yodoka had already locked it down hard.

"What now?" Vika's voice was groggy and uninterested.

"I need it too. You still have more on your plate," Yodoka said, still chewing.

"Nu," Vika said flatly in Russian. "I worked hard yesterday. So I deserve more."

Yodoka shoved the fork away. "Mama said share."

"You should eat tofu. Not bacon, you fucking diabetic! That is what Mama would say!"

"It's type 2, bitch!" Yodoka slammed her chopsticks to the table.

"Ohh, scary~" Vika put up a mock show of terror. "Yet, ironically, it doesn't make any difference to you."

"You don't even know what diabetes type IS!"

"Spare me the details, Smiley! You don't even care what you eat."

"Because I've got an insulin motor!"

"Few nanobots inside won't change a thing! You don't have a proper implant because we're fucking poor! Now shut up and eat your tofu!"

"You shut up, half cyborg!"

"It's nothing personal, you glued bones!"

"At least I don't hide my scar with a cheap moisturizer!"

"WHAT?! Have a mirror, arm-sleever! burned skin! Keeping a cold stupid face to hide the feelings, when it’s clearly DUMB—"

Suddenly, a deafening, 100-decibel screech blasted through the truck's speakers. Both sisters recoiled, clutching their ears. It kept going for nearly three seconds until it died down.

<That makes 142 times since I started living with you two,> a voice announced from the speaker, synthetic and weary. <VIKA! Are you experiencing gluttony again?>

Xea's voice echoed through the cargo hold.

"I'm hungry! It's not a sin!" Vika slammed her fork onto the table.

<And so is your sister! You two aren't animals—even animals share their food! If animals saw you fight over a piece of bacon, THEY'D EVOLVE JUST TO PUNCH YOU! Can't you have ONE normal breakfast and PUT THE BACON BACK!>

Vika grumbled, pretended to return the bacon… then shoved both pieces into her mouth with godlike speed.

Yodoka stared in disbelief. Her soul left her body.

<VIKA!?> Xea barked.

"Shut up, AI!" Vika shouted between chews.

<I swear to God,> Xea muttered. <I never agreed to be your replacement parent, and now I know why yours are dead.>

"So what?! You freaking cheap code!" Vika yelled at the ceiling speaker—a beat-up box held together with glue and nails.

"Manners, wild bear!"

"WILD BEAR?!" Vika stood up, chair scraping violently as it hit the bathroom wall. "Suka blyat! You started it first! SUSHI EATER!"

"Me?" Yodoka feigned a wounded pout. "Oh please, we know your whole personality is daddy issues!"

"FUCK YOU. JAPAN!"

"FUCK YOU. RUSSIAN!"

Their voices escalated into feral screaming until—

<ENOUGH!> Xea's voice boomed through the cargo, making the floorboards rattle. Silence covered the space again. <You're making my processing system lag—with your stupid volley mock!>

<We're on a JOURNEY, not a CONTEST!>

Another silence fell.

<If we don’t make it to any district nearby tonight, we're dead! So eat, and stop complaining!>

Then slowly, Vika sat down and continued to eat, muttering. Yodoka adjusted her posture and resumed eating.

[09:36 AM]

After a "normal" breakfast, Vika sat in the driver's seat while Yodoka ran diagnostics beside her. The engine hummed to life.

<All systems online,> Xea reported. <Fuel at 46%. We can make it to about 500 KM.>

"Did I ask?" Vika said, checking the rearview monitor.

<Sadly, I'm not talking to you.>

Vika's face went red, and she quickly looked outside to check the rearview mirrors.

"I'll check the back." Yodoka got up, tried to hold the laughter that escaped.

She opened the partition and bent down inside the cargo hold. Vika glanced back, checking whatever she was doing there.

Slow and steady, Yodoka surveyed each section, making sure everything was locked in place. She finally vanished into her workbench room. Vika tapped the seat, still looking in the same direction.

"Oi. Oka," Vika called.

No response.

"OKA!"

Yodoka emerged, quickly shoving whatever she was holding into her bag. "Y-yeah?"

"What's that?"

"Nothing, just my book." Yodoka took off her mother's flower pin, and her long hair fell slow-mo like it was dramatic.

She walked back and climbed into the passenger seat without a word, her face neutral.

Vika frowned. The hell was that?

Xea's voice came through, quieter this time. <Status check. Is everything alright back there?>

"Everything's fine," Yodoka said flatly.

Vika glanced at her sister. Something about the way she said it felt... off. Or she might be having another episode of mood swings.

<Great. We move then. We're already behind schedule.>

Vika put the truck in gear. As they rolled out, she caught one last glimpse of Yodoka in the mirror.

Her sister was staring out the window, her fingers wrapped tightly around her mother's flower pin.

End of Chapter 1.
 

FRWriter

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 3, 2024
Messages
542
Points
108
Hi, I'm a new writer. i haven't posted my stories yet (maybe later). but I like some opinion and criticism from you all (if you're willing to) regarding my stories! Thanks! (sorry for my broken grammar.)

Your story does not contain a single mistake. The grammar, spelling, and punctuation are perfect... yet the single paragraph you use as an introduction contains multiple mistakes and is barely readable. Still gave it a read and the plot is fairly interesting... but as it's obviously at least partially AI-written, I did not really enjoy it. Especially the first third of the story feels drastically different than the rest. This feels like it was written by two or three authors....
 

Swordyelz

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2026
Messages
11
Points
3
Your story does not contain a single mistake. The grammar, spelling, and punctuation are perfect... yet the single paragraph you use as an introduction contains multiple mistakes and is barely readable. Still gave it a read and the plot is fairly interesting... but as it's obviously at least partially AI-written, I did not really enjoy it. Especially the first third of the story feels drastically different than the rest. This feels like it was written by two or three authors....
To be honest, yes. I use AI to fixing my grammar (since I'm not a native English) But that's all! I'm not let AI generated my stories. I used it for fixing some prose and giving me some advice. And the rest is I do it on my own! Does it feel distinct though?

But, thanks for the comments!
Your story does not contain a single mistake. The grammar, spelling, and punctuation are perfect... yet the single paragraph you use as an introduction contains multiple mistakes and is barely readable. Still gave it a read and the plot is fairly interesting... but as it's obviously at least partially AI-written, I did not really enjoy it. Especially the first third of the story feels drastically different than the rest. This feels like it was written by two or three authors....
Oh, I'm just realized. I was a bit confused about a single paragraph, you pointed at! Do you mean the Epigraph? I made it intentionally to make it a bit confusing! Well, to make it a context of corrupted recording. I didn't plan to fixing that one though so... Sorry.
 
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Dec

The Evil Mage
Joined
Nov 4, 2022
Messages
619
Points
133
I use AI to fixing my grammar
Don't use AI for this. It will always add or change context.
It's much better to have mistakes than produce soulless slop that is exactly the same as every single one of all other authors who do the same.
Readers will pick on it quickly, and most end up ditching it.

For grammar, just use dictionaries that have been a part of all proper writing software for decades now.
 

Swordyelz

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2026
Messages
11
Points
3
Don't use AI for this. It will always add or change context.
It's much better to have mistakes than produce soulless slop that is exactly the same as every single one of all other authors who do the same.
Readers will pick on it quickly, and most end up ditching it.

For grammar, just use dictionaries that have been a part of all proper writing software for decades now.
Oh. okay. Thanks. I'll revised it!
I use AI for fixing grammar to due lot application are error. like Grammarly or Quillbot. They giving more error than fixing.

Any recommendation what app should I use? or I just use pure instinct? :blob_teary:
 

Dec

The Evil Mage
Joined
Nov 4, 2022
Messages
619
Points
133
Any recommendation what app should I use?
Google Docs, MS Word, Libre Office, Obsidian... Whatever you want/prefer, as long as it has built-in error highlighting, as it is very useful when finding typos.

If you really need help with grammar, you can use ProWritingAid or Grammarly for highlighting only, but do not follow them blindly and never accept any sort of rewrite.
If you want to learn the language (and as a writer, you need to), you cannot rely on tools to do the job for you.
 

Swordyelz

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2026
Messages
11
Points
3
Google Docs, MS Word, Libre Office, Obsidian... Whatever you want/prefer, as long as it has built-in error highlighting, as it is very useful when finding typos.

If you really need help with grammar, you can use ProWritingAid or Grammarly for highlighting only, but do not follow them blindly and never accept any sort of rewrite.
If you want to learn the language (and as a writer, you need to), you cannot rely on tools to do the job for you.
bet.
and thanks for the advice!
 

FRWriter

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 3, 2024
Messages
542
Points
108
To be honest, yes. I use AI to fixing my grammar (since I'm not a native English) But that's all! I'm not let AI generated my stories. I used it for fixing some prose and giving me some advice. And the rest is I do it on my own! Does it feel distinct though?

But, thanks for the comments!

Oh, I'm just realized. I was a bit confused about a single paragraph, you pointed at! Do you mean the Epigraph? I made it intentionally to make it a bit confusing! Well, to make it a context of corrupted recording. I didn't plan to fixing that one though so... Sorry.

It does more than fix your grammar. It sounds artificial, and it uses words you probably couldn't even define. It's not "fixing" but "rewriting" your story.

I can pretty much guarantee that you wrote your chapter, but the AI used it as the general "outline" of a plot and rewrote every part and replaced a majority of your own words.

Take a good look at your own story... even someone who can't actually read will notice something curious. Just look at the Paragraph length.

1773348709959.png


This is COMPLETELY different. As I said, it not only LOOKS but also reads completely different, like two or more people worked on it.

If you want to use AI, prompt it: "NEVER REPLACE WORDS, ONLY CORRECT GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION."

The paragraph I meant was your introduction, where you wrote "I" small.
Hi, I'm a new writer. i haven't posted my stories yet (maybe later). but I like some opinion and criticism from you all (if you're willing to) regarding my stories! Thanks! (sorry for my broken grammar.)
Hope you like it!
This one.
 
Last edited:

Swordyelz

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2026
Messages
11
Points
3
It does more than fix your grammar. It sounds artificial, and it uses words you probably couldn't even define. It's not "fixing" but "rewriting" your story.

The paragraph I meant was your introduction, where you wrote "I" small.

This one.
Okay, okay. I'll rewrite it again and thanks to clarify!
 

Swordyelz

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2026
Messages
11
Points
3
It does more than fix your grammar. It sounds artificial, and it uses words you probably couldn't even define. It's not "fixing" but "rewriting" your story.

I can pretty much guarantee that you wrote your chapter, but the AI used it as the general "outline" of a plot and rewrote every part and replaced a majority of your own words.

Take a good look at your own story... even someone who can't actually read will notice something curious. Just look at the Paragraph length.

View attachment 47463

This is COMPLETELY different. As I said, it not only LOOKS but also reads completely different, like two or more people worked on it.

If you want to use AI, prompt it: "NEVER REPLACE WORDS, ONLY CORRECT GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION."

The paragraph I meant was your introduction, where you wrote "I" small.

This one.
Hey can you check my prologue? Does it feel artificial? I wrote this myself. This is my revised manuscript before I revised the grammar with the AI (so there's another original manuscript). I'm only using a Grammarly and other app here to fix some grammar and rephrase some word.
I didn't used my Prologue because I think it would be a tonal shift from Prologue to Chapter 1. That's why I abandon it.

Prologue​

[File 'Project 2100' opened. Audio playing…]

"Welcome, everyone! You're listening to the official audio-visual guide, created with pride by the C.S.U.—the Crossover Scientists Union. In this session, we're going to explore the incredible rise of our latest technologies and delve into the fascinating history of how we built this amazing world. Put on your headphones and get ready for an unforgettable journey through the City of the Future!#&?—"

[Playback terminated.]

[Sector AS, District L-57: Home | 02:00 AM | 2147]

[Click]


Someone cut the audio off.

The bedroom door flew open, slamming against the wall hard enough to rattle the floorboards.

"OKA!" Seri's voice cracked through the darkness in sharp Japanese. "Kono kozome!"

She stormed into the room, her silhouette sharp and menacing against the hallway light.

"What time is it?!"

Eight-year-old Yodoka kept her eyes fixed on her book, though her hands trembled against the duvet.

"B-but Mama… I can't sleep without reading my books." Her voice was small.

"Books, books, books!" Seri slammed her palm against the wooden dresser, making the girl jump. She jabbed a shaky finger toward Yodoka's face.

"Holiday doesn't mean you skip sleep! It means rest! Not more studying! Look at your eyes!"

"That's happening because people who read will significantly drop their blink rate to 66%, resulting in dry eyes. It's called ocular injection, a result of Astheno—"

Seri raised her hand, the gesture cutting through the air like a blade.

She took a long breath. Her lips twisted into a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"This is the seventh time I've asked you nicely to go to sleep. But if you keep doing this…"

"Mama's always bluffing."

"What?"

"Wait, wait! I—I was a 'regrettable' girl. But I need just a little time to study. A little more. Just one more audio! About the first quantum AI!"

"Oka, that project is impossible for you. Why on earth do you need it?"

"To make a replica of the same model."

"You want to make a quantum AI?!"

"Yes!" Yodoka's head bobbed eagerly.

Seri pinched her temples. Ugh!

"You said 'one more' an hour ago. Until I had to get out of bed at two in the morning to find you enchanting a formula. Have I ever slapped you?"

Yodoka shrank back, huddling into her pillows. "Ohhh, kowai yo…" she whispered in Japanese, playing at terror, though a hint of her usual cheekiness remained.

A heavy silence settled over the room. The way Yodoka teased her—as if the threat were hollow—made Seri pause.

Did she learn this from Vika?

Her irritation spiked. She took a deep breath and nodded.

"You're dead, girl."

"MAMA—"

Once again, Seri raised her hand, silencing any further argument.

With a defeated sigh, Yodoka pulled the blanket over her head and wrapped herself in a protective cocoon.

Seri let out a long, shuddering breath. She leaned down, patted Yodoka's head, and kissed her forehead.

"Love you."

Yodoka closed her tired, red eyes. "Goodnight."

Seri stood and stretched her spine. For a moment she looked around Yodoka's bed. Books, a plate, a toolbox—everything was a mess.

This is what happens when you let your daughter touch your books.

Seri turned toward the other side of the room. She walked toward eleven-year-old Vika's bed, intending to offer her eldest the same peace. But as she drew closer, she realized the shadow under the blankets was wrong—too flat and still.

"Night light. On."

The lamp began to glow. Seri's heart did a slow, painful roll in her chest. The bed was empty, the sheets cold. She dropped to her knees to check under the frame, her breath hitching.

"Vika wa doko!?" she cried in Japanese.

Yodoka mumbled from her bed. "She said she was training with Papa."

"Huh?" Seri whipped her head around. "Papa is sleeping, Oka." She paused as the realization set in, and her face turned ghostly pale. "Unless…"

Seri sprinted to the backyard, but it was empty. Her breath grew short, and frustrated tears welled in her eyes.

No, no, no! Vika, Vika!

She ran toward the training grounds, only to find Vika there: a dark figure against the moonlight, her heavy steel practice rod moving in a steady cadence.

Blinking back her tears, Seri marched forward and pinched Vika's ear without hesitation.

"Vika! You dare lie to your sister? Are you insane?!" Seri's voice cracked, hovering between a sob and a scream. "What if I came out here, and you were gone? What then?!"

Vika squirmed, and the heavy steel rod clattered to the dirt.

"I—I was just training…"

"AT TWO IN THE MORNING?!"

"Th-they said that to have strong bones, you have to overcome the limits of your body!"

"Limits? You want to see my anger limit?" Seri twisted her grip. Vika let out a squeak like a mouse being crushed by a boot.

"Onshirazu no gaki me! Ittai dore hodo shinpai shiteita ka wakatte iru no ka!?"

"I—I didn't know! The translation!"

"It means go to sleep before you die!" Seri snapped, releasing her ear.

"Da! Da! Ya poydu spat'!" Vika muttered in Russian, rubbing her bright red ear.

"And don't answer me in your father's language. Go. Now."

Vika walked away without saying anything, her head down. But Seri caught a faint word that slipped into her ears.

"Freaking Japanese."

Seri's hand curled into a fist by reflex. "E!?"

Vika, who heard the shout, immediately changed her walk into a run toward home.

"COME BACK HERE!"

Seri's eyes darted to the heavy steel rod. She flicked her finger; the rod flew automatically into her hand. She twisted a mechanical button, and the rod transformed into a lightweight spear.

TAKE THIS!!!

She hurled the rod high into the night sky. It hovered for a moment before falling with bullet-like speed—

BAM!

—and landed far away on the roof of the house.

Vika, who had been running, abruptly stopped. She began to laugh, pointing at the failed throw.

"You trying to hit a mosquito?! NICE AIM, MAMA!"

"FYODOR!!! YOUR CHILD IS A MESS!"

Vika danced with victory as she walked backward to the door. She stuck her tongue out before vanishing into the house.

Seri sighed heavily. She looked to the sky above.

What would happen if they didn't have me?

End of Prologue.
 

TheKillingAlice

Schinken
Joined
Aug 12, 2023
Messages
385
Points
103
Don't use AI for this. It will always add or change context.
It's much better to have mistakes than produce soulless slop that is exactly the same as every single one of all other authors who do the same.
Readers will pick on it quickly, and most end up ditching it.

For grammar, just use dictionaries that have been a part of all proper writing software for decades now.
That depends. Because "AI" doesn't exist. The same algorithm your "writing software" uses is implemented in "AI", just with different levels of knowledge and different levels of changing range.
When I first started writing actual stories in English I also used DeepL for it to check my writing (because grammar) and to use it as a thesaurus. Why would I let it change any of my words beyond my will? I can see my text on the left; the corrected version on the right. What I don't wish to change, I won't let it change; if I feel like something should have a different way to phrase it, I can use it as a type of Thesaurus, just more intuitive, by checking alternatives. I stopped using it and when I checked back a while ago, you couldn't use it properly without paying for it anymore, so I kept it at that.

But still, in general, it does not, in fact, always add or change context. It will only do it if you use the wrong tool or let it happen. If your English is too bad to tell if anything has changed drastically, in other words, it added or changed context, maybe you should not write your story in English or have someone you either pay or trust translate it.
It does more than fix your grammar. It sounds artificial, and it uses words you probably couldn't even define. It's not "fixing" but "rewriting" your story.

I can pretty much guarantee that you wrote your chapter, but the AI used it as the general "outline" of a plot and rewrote every part and replaced a majority of your own words.

Take a good look at your own story... even someone who can't actually read will notice something curious. Just look at the Paragraph length.

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This is COMPLETELY different. As I said, it not only LOOKS but also reads completely different, like two or more people worked on it.

If you want to use AI, prompt it: "NEVER REPLACE WORDS, ONLY CORRECT GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION."

The paragraph I meant was your introduction, where you wrote "I" small.

This one.
To be honest, I only read a bit into it, because I'm technically working (Homeoffice, and there's a literal conference going on next to me, but as long as I'm not called upon, I can afford not to care - still, half my brain is focused on listening in), but from the picture, which I can't actually enlarge (therefore, I can't read what the lines say that you've marked in particular), it does seem as if the "difference in paragraph length", if you mean what I think you mean, is simply due to setting the text? Like, am I AI because I set my text properly, which may result in varying paragraph lengths? I'm confused.
In your other comment, you also state that the text had not a single mistake. I get you would make a difference between a lot of mistakes and just a few, but I found two, while barely concentrating, within the first 20 lines.
And you will see me making mistakes in random comments like this, but I will barely have any in actually revised story chapters (you will also see a difference between chapters that were proof read by me and those that I just churned out, because that happens sometimes).
I get that the author has already said they used AI to correct, which probably checks out, but I don't see the rest of the claims, especially since you aren't even right.
Of course, since I haven't actually read most of the chapter, I can't say anything about the tonal difference. That might still be true. I just thought the rest should be something to challenge.
 
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