The recap feels redundant as it just happened in the previous chapter.The last memory I can recall is carrying out a mission from a linker to steal data from this building, then getting caught and interrogated by a man in a black suit, injected in the neck, and then an odd state of unconsciousness.
The sentence feels wrong. "Like" doesn't belong here. Why? He isn't tied up. Let me elaborate. "Like" could have been if the protagonist was tied up but could have easily broken free. Does that make sense, or am I talking bogus? Anyway, let me try my rotten teeth on it:I realized one thing It seemed like they hadn't tied me up anymore.
Capitalization. It should be: "there" .there were no more ropes or belts binding my wrists and ankles.
Too many likes in a row. On a post I would've mind it, in a story, no so much. Treat it as a game, think of how you can vary words in the sentences. To give an example:I looked down at the clothes I was wearing, and they looked like medical attire.
The guy in the previous chapter was in a black lab coat.They were decked out in white lab coats, their faces obscured by masks and digital glasses that appeared to display various data on their lenses.
This came as unintentionally funny. As if the MC is an idiot and can't comprehend regular speech. I know it was not the intent; it just reads that way to me.These people were just chatting, their voices a bit soft. It was a bit of a challenge to understand. I had no idea if it was some kind of technical code or if it was a language I didn't know.
But one thing was clear—they were talking about me.
"Easy now... You're not quite back to normal yet. Go back to bed," one of them said.
Cold? You mean ice or maybe rime? I would understand bluish color or something... But cold? Can't visualize it.I looked at them. Their faces were covered in cold, and they didn't even seem to consider me human.
The MC was the one who said that. But it reads as a dialogue between two people going back and forth.The scientists stopped in their tracks.
"I'm done letting you screw with my life…!"
"Try to stop me, and I swear—I'll bring this whole place down. You included."
They seemed a bit taken aback by my warning.
I collapsed to the floor. It felt like my energy wasn't fully back yet.
I swung the metal equipment, sending it flying through the air and crashing into the glass instrument rack behind them.
Crashh…!
Metal shards and glass fragments flew everywhere, creating a loud enough explosion to shake the floor.
They were totally frozen in place.
I took the opportunity and ran out of the room.
Hey there!You mean this chapter, right? https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1617950-undead-proxs/chapter/1626202/ ? Sure, let's go.
Keep in mind that I am the worst author around here and my stories are boring trash, so take my every word with a bag of salt.
First problem, the length. It is over 4,000 words. The readers around here prefer 2,000 words per chapter, based on my observations.
Though you asked us about the latest chapter, I couldn't help but check the previous one.
The recap feels redundant as it just happened in the previous chapter.
The sentence feels wrong. "Like" doesn't belong here. Why? He isn't tied up. Let me elaborate. "Like" could have been if the protagonist was tied up but could have easily broken free. Does that make sense, or am I talking bogus? Anyway, let me try my rotten teeth on it:
" I realized one thing. It appeared like they hadn't tied me up anymore."
Not my finest job, but I am a moron. Eh, still view it as a bit better.
Capitalization. It should be: "there" .
Too many likes in a row. On a post I would've mind it, in a story, no so much. Treat it as a game, think of how you can vary words in the sentences. To give an example:
I looked down at the clothes I was wearing, and they resembled medical attire.
Also, maybe "robe" instead of "attire"?
The guy in the previous chapter was in a black lab coat.
This came as unintentionally funny. As if the MC is an idiot and can't comprehend regular speech. I know it was not the intent; it just reads that way to me.
Cold? You mean ice or maybe rime? I would understand bluish color or something... But cold? Can't visualize it.
The MC was the one who said that. But it reads as a dialogue between two people going back and forth.
That. Makes that:
Unplausable.
The story reads as if you are retelling us, the readers, a show that you just watched. It doesn't give enough details; some scenes are blurry and not thought out well enough. It could use a second draft. My recommendation is to sit down, read the story from the position of a total outsider, and correct plot holes.
1200 - 2500 is typical. Up to 5000 is "permissible" but it should be kept around 3K or shorter if at all possible (and rarely drop below 1500 without a very good reason)Regarding your comments about the chapter length in my work being, in your opinion, not great, I'll definitely keep that in mind. All your input is super valuable to me, regardless of how you see your own work. The fact that you took the time to read and give feedback means a lot to me.
Also keep in mind Rookieqw says this every time and then gives mostly good advice and is far from the worst author around. MAYBE the worst who posts regularly in this specific area, but far from the worst ever.You mean this chapter, right? https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1617950-undead-proxs/chapter/1626202/ ? Sure, let's go.
Keep in mind that I am the worst author around here and my stories are boring trash, so take my every word with a bag of salt.
This is common in webnovels (and something PocketFM has gotten upset with me for doing too often - got into the habit by listening to their stuff and then they tell me "Oh, by the way, this is wrong" ... go figure! :D)The recap feels redundant as it just happened in the previous chapter.
The original is fine but yours is definitely better.The sentence feels wrong. "Like" doesn't belong here. Why? He isn't tied up. Let me elaborate. "Like" could have been if the protagonist was tied up but could have easily broken free. Does that make sense, or am I talking bogus? Anyway, let me try my rotten teeth on it:
" I realized one thing. It appeared like they hadn't tied me up anymore."