Feedback on first chapter of my BL novel, plz

[StoneInky]

I'm struggling so much with the first chapter of this novel, and I need help.
It's a dark BL (Boys Love) novel, so only review if you're into that. No smut or even a kiss yet, but I've got stuff planned.

I just want your first impressions of this novel, along with your thoughts on chapter 1, since that's the only chapter I've published. I'm still editing chapter 2 and 3, and still writing the rest. Chapter 2 and 3 are included in a google doc link below.

All manner of criticism is welcome. Thank you,

Best Friend Obsession

Do you know the best friend of the male lead in Boys Love novels? The second male lead who tries to help the protagonist escape, only to watch as he falls into the obsessive male lead’s clutches. If my life were such a novel, that would be me. And...

www.scribblehub.com

The Obsessive Male Lead's Best Friend 3

Synopsis Do you know the cliche best friend of the male lead in Boys Love novels? The gentle second male lead who tries to help the protagonist escape, but loses his crush to the obsessive male lead’s clutches. If I had a role in such a novel, said best friend would basically be me. And as it tu...

docs.google.com

 

[7ydy]

so i like the premise, but i'll tell you what it's missing for this to actually work. the narrator has to be a fucking freak. he has to want this boy so fucking bad that he will literally do *anything*. the reason i'd read this is to see this nice sweet doctor go completely yandere about this guy. i know they're best friends and stuff, but make the narrator *horny* even though he's acting nice and polite. give us a glimpse behind his mask.

i'd also like you to end the first chapter with the narrator jerking off to the idea that his best friend would carry him like that. put the smut in chapter 1 or don't bother, imho. if you're too shy to write guys being sexy, get off the tag.

 

[StoneInky]

so i like the premise, but i'll tell you what it's missing for this to actually work. the narrator has to be a fucking freak. he has to want this boy so fucking bad that he will literally do *anything*. the reason i'd read this is to see this nice sweet doctor go completely yandere about this guy. i know they're best friends and stuff, but make the narrator *horny* even though he's acting nice and polite. give us a glimpse behind his mask.

i'd also like you to end the first chapter with the narrator jerking off to the idea that his best friend would carry him like that. put the smut in chapter 1 or don't bother, imho. if you're too shy to write guys being sexy, get off the tag.

Oh, um, wow. Lol.

I'd actually planned for the yandere thing to come in later, along with the smutty stuff. Right now, the MC hasn't yet realized he even has a crush, and I'm focusing on that aspect, (which is not easy) so I didn't even consider adding smutt to the beginning of the book.

I think I miswrote my blurb, and gave you the wrong expectations. I'll go to edit it.

Thanks for the review, it was a big help. I'll consider the jacking out scene. XD