WinterTimeCrime
Blizzard Don, Alpha Snow Warlord of the Ice Mafia
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
- Messages
- 306
- Points
- 103
Hello fiends. ???
As someone who enjoys horrific and gorifyingly detailed stories, it pains me to say some writers aren't too keen on expressing feelings of despair or human depravity in their work. Reading and writing psychological horror has been my passion for a few years, and I make sure not to hold back when expressing scenes. I strive to deliver chills and disturbingly gruesome pieces to my readers.
If you want a snippet of some of my readers' favorite scenes, I've archived some below:
Don't read those.
Anyways, getting critiqued on gore or psychological thriller/horror scenes can be a demanding task to ask of others, especially if they don't understand the sensory or art being portrayed.
? ? ? That's where I come in! ???
I can provide feedback and reviews on your story based on:
However, this isn't a chapter feedback thread; it is a scene feedback thread. This means that unless the entire story revolves around a specific scene, I won't read it.
There are exceptions. Sometimes, if I don't understand, I'll read a few chapters back to see if previous events enhanced the build-up. I am a fast reader, though, and I use text-to-speech software, so it's not a problem to go back several chapters.
If you want feedback, please copy and paste and fill out this form.
Book Name/Link Embed:
Scene/Chapter to be reviewed:
Explain the scene and what you want to express:
Example:
Book Name/Link Embed: Callixtus
Scene/Chapter to be reviewed: Chapter 4, Hurt
Explain the scene and what you want to express: The main character mourns for her dying mother and then turns vengeful. Even though it's her in-game mother, is her ambition and vindictive thoughts believable based on the previous events?
Example 2:
Book Name/Link Embed: Hollow Love
Scene/Chapter to be reviewed: Chapter 16, Kindling
Explain the scene and what you want to express: Sexual scene involving the duke and his princess bride. I want some feedback on the sensory of the text, and if it's more lovey-dovey, then `PLAP PLAP PLAP GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT!!`
If you're unsure what to inquire, type a sentence or ask a question. I'll follow up if I need additional clarification.
That is all fiends! ??? Right now, I'm accepting the first three fiends. Depending on how well it goes, I'll open it for all! However, even after I select three people, you can post here to secure a spot if I continue to do scene reviews.
P.S. If you don't want to post your work or scene in the thread, feel free to DM me.
As someone who enjoys horrific and gorifyingly detailed stories, it pains me to say some writers aren't too keen on expressing feelings of despair or human depravity in their work. Reading and writing psychological horror has been my passion for a few years, and I make sure not to hold back when expressing scenes. I strive to deliver chills and disturbingly gruesome pieces to my readers.
If you want a snippet of some of my readers' favorite scenes, I've archived some below:
The chains rattled as I writhed in agony. Though the hood of my mouth was dry, saliva dripped down my gaped mouth.
The hooded woman hovered her hand above my stomach. Hieroglyphs and small runes glid from her fingertips, causing a burning sensation to course over my stomach as if I was being cut open. Blood spritzed through the air, and for a moment, all I could see was white.
I leaned up, unable to control my breathing, witnessing the cause of the prickling pain coursing through my back and legs. My stomach was now gouged, spread apart with deep creamy flaps that exposed my grey and pink organs. With each breath, my stringy intestines poked out with a yellowish glob peeking from the middle of my chest.
My eyelids felt heavy. It felt like I needed to sleep.
“No, no! You must stay awake for this procedure to be successful!” The hooded woman said. She dug into her pocket and retrieved a metal syringe.
My left eye felt like it was being pinched. The vision in the eye faded from maroon to ivory, as if a liquid was pumped into my socket.
“What I just gave you is a narcotic… But it doesn’t just numb the pain… It makes you enjoy it!”
My stomach, once tormenting me with an unfathomable grip of pain, eased itself. The relief spread through my legs and up to my breasts like I was receiving several kisses from an appeasing goddess.
My lips curled into a smile as the gash in my stomach widened further.
I wanted to be cut more.
The hooded woman hovered her hand above my stomach. Hieroglyphs and small runes glid from her fingertips, causing a burning sensation to course over my stomach as if I was being cut open. Blood spritzed through the air, and for a moment, all I could see was white.
I leaned up, unable to control my breathing, witnessing the cause of the prickling pain coursing through my back and legs. My stomach was now gouged, spread apart with deep creamy flaps that exposed my grey and pink organs. With each breath, my stringy intestines poked out with a yellowish glob peeking from the middle of my chest.
My eyelids felt heavy. It felt like I needed to sleep.
“No, no! You must stay awake for this procedure to be successful!” The hooded woman said. She dug into her pocket and retrieved a metal syringe.
My left eye felt like it was being pinched. The vision in the eye faded from maroon to ivory, as if a liquid was pumped into my socket.
“What I just gave you is a narcotic… But it doesn’t just numb the pain… It makes you enjoy it!”
My stomach, once tormenting me with an unfathomable grip of pain, eased itself. The relief spread through my legs and up to my breasts like I was receiving several kisses from an appeasing goddess.
My lips curled into a smile as the gash in my stomach widened further.
I wanted to be cut more.
With the room now illuminated, he gazes at Miya a few paces ahead, looking up into the hayloft with crossed arms. Despite the horrendous display, her eyes show no fear or concern.
Pinned across the aisles are several corpses of young children. Their stone-gray skin, now discolored, was bruised with long cuts and lacerations. Their deranged open jaws and appalled facial expressions show the grief they experienced before their deaths. Though some keep their yellow-eye sockets, others are more mushed with green flies and red twitching insects entering and exiting through their nose and mouths. Their open torsos, torn and dismembered, fall to the floor with stringy gray flesh and pinkish-red intestines acting as support lines back to the rest of their bodies.
Miya walks in front of one child's heaps of pinkish innards. White tube-like maggots the size of human thumbs resurface through the mound along with red leaf-shaped flies that buzz around the pile of gump.
Pinned across the aisles are several corpses of young children. Their stone-gray skin, now discolored, was bruised with long cuts and lacerations. Their deranged open jaws and appalled facial expressions show the grief they experienced before their deaths. Though some keep their yellow-eye sockets, others are more mushed with green flies and red twitching insects entering and exiting through their nose and mouths. Their open torsos, torn and dismembered, fall to the floor with stringy gray flesh and pinkish-red intestines acting as support lines back to the rest of their bodies.
Miya walks in front of one child's heaps of pinkish innards. White tube-like maggots the size of human thumbs resurface through the mound along with red leaf-shaped flies that buzz around the pile of gump.
The doors behind us cracked open, causing a crack of light to slide past my feet. Two tall-muscular men with tan skin, body scars, and furred animal ears stepped in, holding the arms and mouth of a short woman beckoning with muffled screams.
One of the beastmen threw her to the ground. She spattered and coughed, clawing at the ground with a wheeze. The second beast-man kicked her onto her back. She punted his shin, and the beast-man growled, striking her face until it was red and swollen. He then picked her up by the chin, and a bulge grew at their seams. Both of them then hunched over her face and backside, tearing her clothes to shreds and loosening their burlap pants.
I turned away. The plops and splorps were muffled by her whines and groans. A few hollow-eyed people dropped their half-eaten meals and sniffed the air, crawling toward them on all fours like strays looking for their next meal.
The man at the table stood from his seat, leaning his back against the chair. 「As you might’ve guessed, Lanier doesn’t get their revenue from merchant trades, but delivering pleasure toys and food to the Beastkin and Rer’tar. 」
A crack resonated through the air, followed by a muffled scream.
「Ahh, when you break their bones, they tighten. How delightful.」 One of the Beastkin groaned as their meat plaps quickened.
I glanced through the corner of my eye. Some of the Rer’tar, or the hollow-eyed people, I assumed, were lapping at the blood seeping from the woman’s vagina as the plops sounded like a butcher tenderizing meat.
「A beautiful symbiotic relationship, really. We humans could learn a thing or two from them.」 The dark-skinned man said.
The lapping of blood, twisting bones, plaps of meat, and muffled cries played like a macabre symphony of the grotesque. My heart raced, and my knees stiffened. I felt my stomach churning, and I coughed to stop myself from gagging.
But then, the orchestra stopped as if the conductor wanted complete silence. Both Beastkin tilted their heads back, eyes rolled back, and lopped tongues filled with pleasure. They stepped back, dropping the unconscious woman to the ground, and then, like a sea of pirana-tasting blood, the Rer’tar collapsed onto her, ripping at her back and face.
Sakiiya slipped her hand down her waist and onto her sheath, her eyes widening as she stepped back.
One of the beastmen threw her to the ground. She spattered and coughed, clawing at the ground with a wheeze. The second beast-man kicked her onto her back. She punted his shin, and the beast-man growled, striking her face until it was red and swollen. He then picked her up by the chin, and a bulge grew at their seams. Both of them then hunched over her face and backside, tearing her clothes to shreds and loosening their burlap pants.
I turned away. The plops and splorps were muffled by her whines and groans. A few hollow-eyed people dropped their half-eaten meals and sniffed the air, crawling toward them on all fours like strays looking for their next meal.
The man at the table stood from his seat, leaning his back against the chair. 「As you might’ve guessed, Lanier doesn’t get their revenue from merchant trades, but delivering pleasure toys and food to the Beastkin and Rer’tar. 」
A crack resonated through the air, followed by a muffled scream.
「Ahh, when you break their bones, they tighten. How delightful.」 One of the Beastkin groaned as their meat plaps quickened.
I glanced through the corner of my eye. Some of the Rer’tar, or the hollow-eyed people, I assumed, were lapping at the blood seeping from the woman’s vagina as the plops sounded like a butcher tenderizing meat.
「A beautiful symbiotic relationship, really. We humans could learn a thing or two from them.」 The dark-skinned man said.
The lapping of blood, twisting bones, plaps of meat, and muffled cries played like a macabre symphony of the grotesque. My heart raced, and my knees stiffened. I felt my stomach churning, and I coughed to stop myself from gagging.
But then, the orchestra stopped as if the conductor wanted complete silence. Both Beastkin tilted their heads back, eyes rolled back, and lopped tongues filled with pleasure. They stepped back, dropping the unconscious woman to the ground, and then, like a sea of pirana-tasting blood, the Rer’tar collapsed onto her, ripping at her back and face.
Sakiiya slipped her hand down her waist and onto her sheath, her eyes widening as she stepped back.
Don't read those.
Anyways, getting critiqued on gore or psychological thriller/horror scenes can be a demanding task to ask of others, especially if they don't understand the sensory or art being portrayed.
? ? ? That's where I come in! ???
I can provide feedback and reviews on your story based on:
- Gore Scenes ??
- Psychological Horror Scenes ??? (such as someone becoming mad or undergoing depression, reviewing its believability)
- Lewd/Sexual content ?? (even weird stuff, I don't judge)
However, this isn't a chapter feedback thread; it is a scene feedback thread. This means that unless the entire story revolves around a specific scene, I won't read it.
There are exceptions. Sometimes, if I don't understand, I'll read a few chapters back to see if previous events enhanced the build-up. I am a fast reader, though, and I use text-to-speech software, so it's not a problem to go back several chapters.
If you want feedback, please copy and paste and fill out this form.
Book Name/Link Embed:
Scene/Chapter to be reviewed:
Explain the scene and what you want to express:
Example:
Book Name/Link Embed: Callixtus
Scene/Chapter to be reviewed: Chapter 4, Hurt
Explain the scene and what you want to express: The main character mourns for her dying mother and then turns vengeful. Even though it's her in-game mother, is her ambition and vindictive thoughts believable based on the previous events?
Example 2:
Book Name/Link Embed: Hollow Love
Scene/Chapter to be reviewed: Chapter 16, Kindling
Explain the scene and what you want to express: Sexual scene involving the duke and his princess bride. I want some feedback on the sensory of the text, and if it's more lovey-dovey, then `PLAP PLAP PLAP GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT!!`
If you're unsure what to inquire, type a sentence or ask a question. I'll follow up if I need additional clarification.
That is all fiends! ??? Right now, I'm accepting the first three fiends. Depending on how well it goes, I'll open it for all! However, even after I select three people, you can post here to secure a spot if I continue to do scene reviews.
P.S. If you don't want to post your work or scene in the thread, feel free to DM me.
