Feedback and/or discussion would be wonderful.

[Fondofwisdom]

A Yankii Odyssey: The Ironcrown Compact

Japan, 1985. Gōki Takanouchi is an 18-year-old delinquent on his last chance to graduate high school. A camping trip in the mountains becomes the catalyst that throws him beyond the bounds of reality. No cheat powers. No divine blessings. No leveling system. Just classic isekai adventure.

www.scribblehub.com

So I have issues with a lot of what Isekai offers today. So I thought I might as well try my hand at it instead of just complaining.
But i haven't written stories since highschool and I have no idea if the way i write is good, or proper, or even makes sense.
After the prologue it changes perspectives.
First person writing is weird and I'm not sure if I'm handling it well.
Some things are weird or hard to understand on purpose.

But I'm getting off topic, I just need to know if what im creating is even in the right direction of a decent story, I'm stubborn, and a lot of stuff is on purpose, but I am also not particularly successful and hearing what people think would really help me decide on how I should handle things.

 

[Bayleyrockstar]

A Yankii Odyssey: The Ironcrown Compact

Japan, 1985. Gōki Takanouchi is an 18-year-old delinquent on his last chance to graduate high school. A camping trip in the mountains becomes the catalyst that throws him beyond the bounds of reality. No cheat powers. No divine blessings. No leveling system. Just classic isekai adventure.

www.scribblehub.com

So I have issues with a lot of what Isekai offers today. So I thought I might as well try my hand at it instead of just complaining.
But i haven't written stories since highschool and I have no idea if the way i write is good, or proper, or even makes sense.
After the prologue it changes perspectives.
First person writing is weird and I'm not sure if I'm handling it well.
Some things are weird or hard to understand on purpose.

But I'm getting off topic, I just need to know if what im creating is even in the right direction of a decent story, I'm stubborn, and a lot of stuff is on purpose, but I am also not particularly successful and hearing what people think would really help me decide on how I should handle things.

So I've said a few of these in the other post, but I'll go into more detail here.

First, your upload schedule. There's no pattern to it. Webnovels are not like fanfiction. You'll lose more readers than you gain with an inconsistent upload schedule.

Second, and this is even more important than your upload schedule, your paragraphs. Your layout is terrible even for a proper novel, let alone a webnovel.

You have too many ideas in one paragraph. You don't have to aim for 3 or 4 sentences.

Finally, while a lot of people will teach that you can put dialogue in the middle of text, don't. It's always clunky. Start a paragraph with dialogue, or end it with dialogue. But don't put it in the middle.

These are the worst things I can see losing you viewers. Otherwise the story is interesting.

 

[Fondofwisdom]

So I've said a few of these in the other post, but I'll go into more detail here.

First, your upload schedule. There's no pattern to it. Webnovels are not like fanfiction. You'll lose more readers than you gain with an inconsistent upload schedule.

Second, and this is even more important than your upload schedule, your paragraphs. Your layout is terrible even for a proper novel, let alone a webnovel.

You have too many ideas in one paragraph. You don't have to aim for 3 or 4 sentences.

Finally, while a lot of people will teach that you can put dialogue in the middle of text, don't. It's always clunky. Start a paragraph with dialogue, or end it with dialogue. But don't put it in the middle.

These are the worst things I can see losing you viewers. Otherwise the story is interesting.

Editing is something i struggle a lot with, I see so many ways people write and I tend to fall back on what I remember from school with paragraphing, or what was 'proper'. I thought dialog had to go at the end or middle more often to help readers keep track of who's talking.

Later chapters switch perspective entirely and that's its on barrel of issues. But i'll keep that in mind for the future for the paragraphing, i was mostly using it to separate scenes more then ideas.

as for upload schedule...that will probably not change unless I can dedicate more time to this, but I'll keep that in mind.

thanks

 

[Bayleyrockstar]

Editing is something i struggle a lot with, I see so many ways people write and I tend to fall back on what I remember from school with paragraphing, or what was 'proper'. I thought dialog had to go at the end or middle more often to help readers keep track of who's talking.

Later chapters switch perspective entirely and that's its on barrel of issues. But i'll keep that in mind for the future for the paragraphing, i was mostly using it to separate scenes more then ideas.

as for upload schedule...that will probably not change unless I can dedicate more time to this, but I'll keep that in mind.

thanks

No worries. Dialogue in the middle is 'proper' but it should be rarely done. And text before and after should only be a sentence or two. For example:

Nick met Juavae on the street. Waving to each other, Nick asked, "How was your day?"

"How was your day?" Nick asked Juavae as they passed each other in the street.

 

[Fondofwisdom]

No worries. Dialogue in the middle is 'proper' but it should be rarely done. And text before and after should only be a sentence or two. For example:

Nick met Juavae on the street. Waving to each other, Nick asked, "How was your day?"

"How was your day?" Nick asked Juavae as they passed each other in the street.

mmm i see, at some point I'll have to go back through and edit a lot of the earlier stuff, for now I will keep that in mind for what comes next
Now the swap to first person is meant to be a touch jarring, but does the first person read properly? I want the story to be firmly inside his head, what he sees and what he thinks and cares about is what the audience gets to have a view of, I wanted to try and make it immersive and the world to feel like a strange new land instead of letting readers know more then he does.

 

[Rolanov]

I read the prologue until chapter 1, for me your writing doesn't have any issue. Since I could picture it very well about the story idea.

And if you're wondering why your story sunk, perhaps you need to see the fact that your story exist since Oct. 2025 and it only had 9 chapters. Web Novel readers are very cautious to 'unfinished' or 'hiatus threat'.

 

[Fondofwisdom]

I read the prologue until chapter 1, for me your writing doesn't have any issue. Since I could picture it very well about the story idea.

And if you're wondering why your story sunk, perhaps you need to see the fact that your story exist since Oct. 2025 and it only had 9 chapters. Web Novel readers are very cautious to 'unfinished' or 'hiatus threat'.

mmm I was worried that might be the case, its one of those 'life's busy' sort of things, I like writing but can only commit so much time to it next to other things, especially when other things bring money in.

Oh also thank you

 

[Rolanov]

mmm I was worried that might be the case, its one of those 'life's busy' sort of things, I like writing but can only commit so much time to it next to other things, especially when other things bring money in.

Oh also thank you

Then I suggest, try write 4 chapters when you had your flow kicked in. And schedule it later on, maybe like once or twice a week. That way, you will have better time management on your story while you can focus on your other things.

 

[Fondofwisdom]

Then I suggest, try write 4 chapters when you had your flow kicked in. And schedule it later on, maybe like once or twice a week. That way, you will have better time management on your story while you can focus on your other things.

mmm that is probably a good idea, It'll depend a lot of other stuff going on but I'll try to be at least a little more consistent.