Envy's Free Feedback Thread [Thread Closed]

[Deleted member 84247]

?Welcome to the resident vampire's feedback thread ?​

RepresentingEnvy here to give all of the mortals feedback on their novels. If you have stumbled across a feedback thread before, then you should understand. Still, I am here to give you the obligatory explanation. I will provide feedback on the first chapter of your novel, and if I enjoy it I might read further. Keep in mind that this will all be my subjective opinion as a reader first.

?Disclaimer?​

I am not a professional Reviewer/author. All of this will be my own subjective opinion. If you don't agree with my review/rating, you are free to dismiss it entirely. I am just a biased vampy.

?Rules?​

1. I will provide feedback on at least the first chapter of your novel.​
2. You will put the link to the novel you want reviewed.​
3. You will tell me if you want the review in the thread or in a PM (If neither is specified the review will go in thread).​
4. Stories I won't read: Mind break, Mind Control, R*pe (Basically anything that doesn't involve consent in sexual acts. PS: This includes the sexualization of lolis.)​
5. The first score provided will be writing enjoyment (how much I enjoy your prose/style) on a scale of 1/5 ?. Example: Writing Enjoyment: ?????(Max Score)​
6. The second score will be how much I personally enjoyed the story. This will be on a scale of 1/5 ?. Example: Personal Enjoyment: ?????(Max Score)​
7. The last rating will be how much I think your story will appeal to a general audience. This will be on a scale of 1/5 ?‍. Example: Appeal: ?‍?‍?‍?‍?‍(Max Score)​

Thread Closed

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh ?‍
Be patient if you want feedback.
Don't take my review as gospel.
???????
​

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Genuine I

I have slain endless enemies gloriously Stood as idol before aspiring youths Integrated magic with my swordsmanship & reached the peak The entire world reveres or fears me, but at least I have their respect. Then the prompt came: [Your world shall be baptised in the Survival Game. As the...

www.scribblehub.com

Review in thread or PM?

 

[georgelee5786]

In the Library [oneshot]

The record of my endless march through an endless place and conversation with an endless being...

www.scribblehub.com

thread. Go for it, murder it, disintegration acceptable

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Genuine I

I have slain endless enemies gloriously Stood as idol before aspiring youths Integrated magic with my swordsmanship & reached the peak The entire world reveres or fears me, but at least I have their respect. Then the prompt came: [Your world shall be baptised in the Survival Game. As the...

www.scribblehub.com

?Preface ?
I am not a professional reviewer/author, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Writing Enjoyment: ?(1/5)​

I can only give you 1 ?. I do not enjoy the writing style at all. The paragraph formatting is too weird, and most of the time completed sentences don't end in periods. The tenses and even the perspective swaps throughout the chapter. It is very hard for someone to tell what is even going on. There are unique words thrown in there, but that isn't enough for me to raise the writing score.

Personal Enjoyment: ??(2/5)​

Despite having very little idea what is going on, it was oddly barely enjoyable. Mostly because of how unique it is. I don't think I have ever read something quite like this in the first chapter of a scribblehub novel. That being said, it was only enough to raise the review by 1 ?. I read the entire chapter, and I am still unsure as to what exactly happening. So much random stuff happened. I think some people were killed? There was a system (like) thing, and I am not entirely sure if half of the chapter was in a game or not.

Appeal: ?‍(1/5)​

I don't think this has any appeal to a large audience due to the reasons stated above. I believe you know a lot of random vocabulary, but that vocabulary needs to be transformed into a story that is easily understood. As it is now, I can't see you getting a lot of readers on the platform with your style. The whole thing comes off as a meme, frankly.

?Conclusion?​

You should try to emulate someone else's style, and try to formulate a story that will make sense to a general audience. I don't think most people would understand what is even going on in this chapter.

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh?‍
???????​

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Aeya.

But I really like it and think it's perfect?

So what should I do?

I'm very sad

You are free to disregard my opinion entirely. If you enjoy it, then keep writing it the way you want too

 

[DataNerdX]

I offer up Renalia's Tale for your enjoyment. Let there be blood.

In thread is fine.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

In the Library [oneshot]

The record of my endless march through an endless place and conversation with an endless being...

www.scribblehub.com

thread. Go for it, murder it, disintegration acceptable

?Preface ?
I am not a professional reviewer/author, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Writing Enjoyment: ???(3/5)​

I gave you 3?. I was going to give you 4, but upon reflection that is a bit too high. I like the way you write. It is easy to understand what is going on, and your style is simple (not too flowery). I am personally biased towards this type of writing, but I had to take away 2?. This is simply because I found words that were repeated a bit, and it was lacking in subtlety. What I mean by that is it was mostly "I did this, and then this happened"(if that makes sense). I had no problem with the paragraphing or the sentence structure, so you are good on that front. There weren't any grammar mistakes that I could find, but there were a few typos. All in all, I personally enjoyed your writing.

Personal Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

I gave you 4?. It was a fun little one-shot that was very enjoyable. The philosophical questions were fun, and I liked the whole idea behind it. In fact, I think this would be great as the start to a full novel. The interactions between the angel (?) and the human (?) were interesting. Frankly, it led me to want to read more of these interactions. Still, I understand why you would make this a one-shot. The ending leaves you with lingering questions, which I like! (I also love any story to deal with strange books in strange libraries)

Appeal: ?‍?‍(2/5)​

I think this type of story would appeal to a decent number of people. The only reason that I rated a 2 ?‍, is that it is a one-shot. Personally, I believe this could gather a lot of readers on scribblehub at least. It is easy to understand, and it is a fun little read. Stories with gods/angels are able to garner attention on this site, so I think it has potential. I can clearly see you have a great imagination!

?Conclusion?​

It was an easily digestible story that asked interesting questions. I personally would like to see this be a full story. Many people on this site could enjoy this type of story!

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh?‍
???????​

 

[Alseki.]

?Welcome to the resident vampire's feedback thread ? ​

RepresentingEnvy here to give all of the mortals feedback on their novels. If you have stumbled across a feedback thread before, then you should understand. Still, I am here to give you the obligatory explanation. I will provide feedback on the first chapter of your novel, and if I enjoy it I might read further. Keep in mind that this will all be my subjective opinion as a reader first.

?Disclaimer?​

I am not a professional Reviewer/author. All of this will be my own subjective opinion. If you don't agree with my review/rating, you are free to dismiss it entirely. I am just a biased vampy.

?Rules?​

1. I will provide feedback on at least the first chapter of your novel.​
2. You will put the link to the novel you want reviewed.​
3. You will tell me if you want the review in the thread or in a PM.​
4. Stories I won't read: Mind break, Mind Control, R*pe (Basically anything that doesn't involve consent in sexual acts. PS: This includes the sexualization of lolis.)​
5. The first score provided will be writing enjoyment (how much I enjoy your prose/style) on a scale of 1/5 ?. Example: Writing Enjoyment: ?????(Max Score)​
6. The second score will be how much I personally enjoyed the story. This will be on a scale of 1/5 ?. Example: Personal Enjoyment: ?????(Max Score)​
7. The last rating will be how much I think your story will appeal to a general audience. This will be on a scale of 1/5 ?‍. Example: Appeal: ?‍?‍?‍?‍?‍(Max Score)​

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh ?‍
Be patient if you want feedback.
Don't take my review as gospel.
???????​

Intriguing scale!
????
??
?????

 

[ARandomTurtle]

Was already thinking of how I’d get a feedback from you. The sun see’s my thoughts ? I’d love your reply on the thread or PM ?; tch, anyone. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/764812/ravenswood/

 

[georgelee5786]

?Preface ?
I am not a professional reviewer/author, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Writing Enjoyment: ???(3/5)​

I gave you 3?. I was going to give you 4, but upon reflection that is a bit too high. I like the way you write. It is easy to understand what is going on, and your style is simple (not too flowery). I am personally biased towards this type of writing, but I had to take away 2?. This is simply because I found words that were repeated a bit, and it was lacking in subtlety. What I mean by that is it was mostly "I did this, and then this happened"(if that makes sense). I had no problem with the paragraphing or the sentence structure, so you are good on that front. There weren't any grammar mistakes that I could find, but there were a few typos. All in all, I personally enjoyed your writing.

Personal Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

I gave you 4?. It was a fun little one-shot that was very enjoyable. The philosophical questions were fun, and I liked the whole idea behind it. In fact, I think this would be great as the start to a full novel. The interactions between the angel (?) and the human (?) were interesting. Frankly, it led me to want to read more of these interactions. Still, I understand why you would make this a one-shot. The ending leaves you with lingering questions, which I like! (I also love any story to deal with strange books in strange libraries)

Appeal: ?‍?‍(2/5)​

I think this type of story would appeal to a decent number of people. The only reason that I rated a 2 ?‍, is that it is a one-shot. Personally, I believe this could gather a lot of readers on scribblehub at least. It is easy to understand, and it is a fun little read. Stories with gods/angels are able to garner attention on this site, so I think it has potential. I can clearly see you have a great imagination!

?Conclusion?​

It was an easily digestible story that asked interesting questions. I personally would like to see this be a full story. Many people on this site could enjoy this type of story!

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh?‍
???????​

I was not expecting that. Thank you for you time

 

[Deleted member 84247]

I offer up Renalia's Tale for your enjoyment. Let there be blood.

In thread is fine.

?Preface ?
I am not a professional reviewer/author, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Writing Enjoyment: ???(3/5)​

I like your style as it is fairly unique. The only times where I saw grammar mistakes were in the quotes of the grandma character, but I assume that was intentional as part of her character. Interestingly, I found that the writing got better the further I got into the first chapter. At first I could barely understand what was going on, but by the ending I had a fair grasp. I would recommend maybe rephrasing the first few paragraphs because it was a bit difficult to tell what was going on. All in all, I enjoy your writing style, and it is for the most part easily digestible. I am kind of curious about the difference in writing as the chapter goes on.

Personal Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

Even though it is different from the type of novel I usually read, I did enjoy this one chapter. I would probably read more later to follow you on your journey. If you manage to get at least 10 chapters up, I will read them (Be sure to remind me, if you want the update). Then I will update the review. As I said before the story itself is enjoyable, but I realize that I won't have a clear picture over just one chapter. The future diary at the end of the first chapter does serve as a pretty good hook with that last sentence, but I will hold off on reading further for now. Overall, I like the direction the story is headed so far, but I can tell it will be a slow ride (I'm all for it).

Appeal: ?‍?‍(2/5)​

Despite everything I just said, I don't believe this story appeals to a large audience (on this site at least). There are a few reasons for this. The main reason is based off of the nature of the novel. From my experience readers here don't really like the slow burning and tragic type stories. Plus, I think the first chapter will not immediately hook readers with short attention spans. If you are trying to capture a large reader base on SH, then the first chapter will need some work.

?Conclusion?​

While I personally enjoyed the first chapter, I don't think it is the type of story most readers here will enjoy. I am willing to read more chapters (if you get up to at least 10). I will keep this one in the back of my mind.

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh?‍
???????​

 

[Bartun]

Cool! I thought about posting my story there is a trigger warning in the prologue. I wish you good luck though!

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Cool! I thought about posting my story there is a trigger warning in the prologue. I wish you good luck though!

You have told me before that it doesn't actually feature r*pe, I believe? I am willing to give it a try (If that is the case). Let me know, and tell me if you want the feedback here or PM.

 

[Bartun]

You have told me before that it doesn't actually feature r*pe, I believe? I am willing to give it a try (If that is the case). Let me know, and tell me if you want the feedback here or PM.

Yeah! The prologue gives the impression but it actually ends before anything happens. I'll leave the link and you can give the feedback here.

Link:

Nowhere to Run - Prologue: Nowhere to Run | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Thanks in advance!

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Was already thinking of how I’d get a feedback from you. The sun see’s my thoughts ? I’d love your reply on the thread or PM ?; tch, anyone. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/764812/ravenswood/

?Preface ?
I am not a professional reviewer/author, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Writing Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

I want to start off by saying that I read the prologue and the first chapter. Overall, I think your writing style is really good. It is better than my own. Your sentences are varied, and sometimes I ended up asking myself if they were run-on's (I don't think any of them were). The main reason I have to deduct a point is mostly because of flow. Sometimes the sentences didn't flow as well as other sentences (usually they were the long sentences). A few times I did have to go back and read them. If you were to improve on the flow somehow, I would give it a perfect 5 ?.

Personal Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

If I was to rate personal enjoyment from the prologue alone, it would be 5?. Personally, I think the prologue is an amazing hook into your story. It isn't some really long lore dump about gods (which is common). I was actually feeling nervous for the pair at some point through it. Which I think is a good thing.
Chapter one loses a ?for me, unfortunately. I realize that some things weren't explained for the future of the story, but a concern I have with it is how quickly the MC seems to adapt to his situation. I know humans are fairly adaptable, but the change seems really fast. He doesn't seem too panicked (Then again I don't know much about the MC yet).

Appeal: ?‍?‍?‍(3/5)​

This has me a bit conflicted. I don't think it really appeals that much to the SH reader base, so I want to give 2 ?‍;however, I think your writing is good enough to carry this story. It does hook you in, and the set-up is really nice. The prologue alone could probably hook in some people, but I am sure there would be a bunch turned off by your style. As I said before, I like your style, but I think it would turn away many readers here.

?Conclusion?​

It is a really nice read, and I can tell you spend time crafting sentences. The story hooked me from the prologue, and I will probably read some more later. That being said, it will be hard for you to gain a large reader base but not impossible. (If I do read more, I will update the review and notify you)

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh?‍
???????​

 

[DataNerdX]

?Preface ?
I am not a professional reviewer/author, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Writing Enjoyment: ???(3/5)​

I like your style as it is fairly unique. The only times where I saw grammar mistakes were in the quotes of the grandma character, but I assume that was intentional as part of her character. Interestingly, I found that the writing got better the further I got into the first chapter. At first I could barely understand what was going on, but by the ending I had a fair grasp. I would recommend maybe rephrasing the first few paragraphs because it was a bit difficult to tell what was going on. All in all, I enjoy your writing style, and it is for the most part easily digestible. I am kind of curious about the difference in writing as the chapter goes on.

Personal Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

Even though it is different from the type of novel I usually read, I did enjoy this one chapter. I would probably read more later to follow you on your journey. If you manage to get at least 10 chapters up, I will read them (Be sure to remind me, if you want the update). Then I will update the review. As I said before the story itself is enjoyable, but I realize that I won't have a clear picture over just one chapter. The future diary at the end of the first chapter does serve as a pretty good hook with that last sentence, but I will hold off on reading further for now. Overall, I like the direction the story is headed so far, but I can tell it will be a slow ride (I'm all for it).

Appeal: ?‍?‍(2/5)​

Despite everything I just said, I don't believe this story appeals to a large audience (on this site at least). There are a few reasons for this. The main reason is based off of the nature of the novel. From my experience readers here don't really like the slow burning and tragic type stories. Plus, I think the first chapter will not immediately hook readers with short attention spans. If you are trying to capture a large reader base on SH, then the first chapter will need some work.

?Conclusion?​

While I personally enjoyed the first chapter, I don't think it is the type of story most readers here will enjoy. I am willing to read more chapters (if you get up to at least 10). I will keep this one in the back of my mind.

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh?‍
???????​

Thanks for the feedback. I'll take a look at the first paragraphs again.

It'll take awhile to get to 10 chapters but I'll definitely remember to ping you.

Yes, I didn't expect to get many ?‍ as I'm not catering to the audience. Just a small readership is fine.

 

[ARandomTurtle]

?Preface ?
I am not a professional reviewer/author, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Writing Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

I want to start off by saying that I read the prologue and the first chapter. Overall, I think your writing style is really good. It is better than my own. Your sentences are varied, and sometimes I ended up asking myself if they were run-on's (I don't think any of them were). The main reason I have to deduct a point is mostly because of flow. Sometimes the sentences didn't flow as well as other sentences (usually they were the long sentences). A few times I did have to go back and read them. If you were to improve on the flow somehow, I would give it a perfect 5 ?.

Personal Enjoyment: ????(4/5)​

If I was to rate personal enjoyment from the prologue alone, it would be 5?. Personally, I think the prologue is an amazing hook into your story. It isn't some really long lore dump about gods (which is common). I was actually feeling nervous for the pair at some point through it. Which I think is a good thing.
Chapter one loses a ?for me, unfortunately. I realize that some things weren't explained for the future of the story, but a concern I have with it is how quickly the MC seems to adapt to his situation. I know humans are fairly adaptable, but the change seems really fast. He doesn't seem too panicked (Then again I don't know much about the MC yet).

Appeal: ?‍?‍?‍(3/5)​

This has me a bit conflicted. I don't think it really appeals that much to the SH reader base, so I want to give 2 ?‍;however, I think your writing is good enough to carry this story. It does hook you in, and the set-up is really nice. The prologue alone could probably hook in some people, but I am sure there would be a bunch turned off by your style. As I said before, I like your style, but I think it would turn away many readers here.

?Conclusion?​

It is a really nice read, and I can tell you spend time crafting sentences. The story hooked me from the prologue, and I will probably read some more later. That being said, it will be hard for you to gain a large reader base but not impossible. (If I do read more, I will update the review and notify you)

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh?‍
???????​

Thank you for your time

 

[T.K._Paradox]

Alrighty Envy,

I would like a response in the thread, hope you enjoy it.

The Occult Files Of Michael Bloom

A story following the adventures of an eccentric detective as he takes on cults, mystical beings, and the social elite.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[HelloHound]

For Want of A House

Waking up is always a difficult part of anyone's day- it's even worse if you wake up inside some squalid room to spit out mysterious black cubes in a land you are not familiar with. Now imagine what Sybil's going through. Watch this short and tempered child grow, seeking a...

www.scribblehub.com

I am procrastinating on actually writing rn in favor of seeking feedback o-o hopefully you like it decent ^^

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

?Welcome to the resident vampire's feedback thread ?​

RepresentingEnvy here to give all of the mortals feedback on their novels. If you have stumbled across a feedback thread before, then you should understand. Still, I am here to give you the obligatory explanation. I will provide feedback on the first chapter of your novel, and if I enjoy it I might read further. Keep in mind that this will all be my subjective opinion as a reader first.

?Disclaimer?​

I am not a professional Reviewer/author. All of this will be my own subjective opinion. If you don't agree with my review/rating, you are free to dismiss it entirely. I am just a biased vampy.

?Rules?​

1. I will provide feedback on at least the first chapter of your novel.​
2. You will put the link to the novel you want reviewed.​
3. You will tell me if you want the review in the thread or in a PM.​
4. Stories I won't read: Mind break, Mind Control, R*pe (Basically anything that doesn't involve consent in sexual acts. PS: This includes the sexualization of lolis.)​
5. The first score provided will be writing enjoyment (how much I enjoy your prose/style) on a scale of 1/5 ?. Example: Writing Enjoyment: ?????(Max Score)​
6. The second score will be how much I personally enjoyed the story. This will be on a scale of 1/5 ?. Example: Personal Enjoyment: ?????(Max Score)​
7. The last rating will be how much I think your story will appeal to a general audience. This will be on a scale of 1/5 ?‍. Example: Appeal: ?‍?‍?‍?‍?‍(Max Score)​

?‍Bleh-Bleh, Bleh ?‍
Be patient if you want feedback.
Don't take my review as gospel.
???????​

I have a question. There are no sexual acts up to chapter 6 (after that, I'm not particularly sure where you draw the line on abuse of royal status by an antagonist, so you may not want to read any more). There is however mind control used in a trashy fast food restaurant to make the MC work faster in the first chapter. Would you want to rate my story? Totally understand if that's either not your cup of tea, not comfortable, and/or not good health-wise!

Charisma

I, the wholly happy-go-lucky character, go through life on an alternate Earth with some 'minor' differences. Yes indeedy do! I promise an absolutely joyous time! I tell no lies. What minor differences you ask? Well, here's some advice. Don't drink that lava in a bottle, or you'll spend a night...

www.scribblehub.com