Criticism and comment for Boys gang

[Sunsetinapainting]

Tell me what you think I'm a new writer. With zero experience. I can't improve without tips. Thanks for your help.

 

[Corty]

I think you need to learn how to express yourself and what you want in a better way than... whatever this supposed to be.

 

[Eldoria]

1. What do you mean by boy gang?
2. I don't understand what you're referring to...who are they?

 

[Sunsetinapainting]

1. What do you mean by boy gang?
2. I don't understand what you're referring to...who are they?

Sorry for the confusion it's a novel series I am writing. I don't have much comments and I wanted to know what people thought about it.

 

[Eldoria]

Sorry for the confusion it's a novel series I am writing. I don't have much comments and I wanted to know what people thought about it.

If you're asking for feedback... please create a thread in the feedback category.

Don't post it here, don't forget to include links and specifics of what you're criticizing.

Please don't make misunderstanding to others. Regards.

 

[Kitsuna]

I think... Something... Probably

 

[CupcakeNinja]

Tell me what you think

Woman(?) Your chapters are shorter than my will to live wtf. Im just gonna say this: you need to pad your story. I need description. I need background. It's like you grabbed a fistful of my hair and slammed my head into the scene. I could get over that, but then 30 seconds in it just ended and the next chapter was much the same.

Who wants to read a story you can finish in 10 minutes? I would suggest just combining two or three chapters. Stick with around 2k words per chapter, thats a sweet spot I've noticed. Doesn't NEED to quite reach it but its a good bench mark. If you made a chapter or two every single day maybe you could get away with this but theres less than 10 chapters since dec 25.

Then in the second chapter you have these bullet points. It's just not necessary to be honest and at first I thought you gave us an authors note and was explaining the story, like a glossary. I didn't realize.it was supposed to be an organic part of the story. Get rid of the bullet points, is what I wpuld suggest. Every five sentences, break off into the next paragraph to not make a wall of text, too. Well thats just a style choice, no one is holding you to It but its more traditional.

My best advice? Go read your favorite author and follow their example. Western authors follow a certain standard, so they might be best, but any well known and popular light novel fitting your ideal would also work for a site like this.

I think... Something... Probably

Don't try too hard. You'll hurt yourself.