Could somebody please give a feedback on my first work?

[Lana]

It is the first time I'm writing something, so I would really apresiate Your oppinion. Here is the link to the first chapter

Necromancer. The awakening of Legends. - 1. THE WAY HOME | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[HyperiousTheSun]

Not the friendliest first chapter I've read, but at least you have something so that's a plus.

Your dialogue is a bit confusing and I had to read over the paragraphs a few times to understand what is going on. Smaller paragraphs would also help.

Having a few, single line or short paragraphs will also send a strong message. I can see your already doing this with some of your lines, but your other paragraphs are huge and can be broken down.

I don't know about other people but when I see long paragraphs I tend to skim read or ignore it completely. If it happens often in the first few chapters, I would stop reading entirely. So I suggest breaking down the paragraphs into smaller ones. I know its difficult writing short paragraphs when you're overflowing with ideas particularly when you just start writing but just slow down a bit.

I would suggest writing out a chapter, then leave it for a day or two before going back and checking it over again. With a fresh mind you can notice a lot of mistakes or unclear aspects of your writing. This also works for assignments, if you are a student and studying at the moment.

Hope you keep writing your story premise is not bad.

Edit: I would also link your story to your signature. That way more people will see it.

 

[JM_Webb]

You need a better cover if you want an audience

 

[Lana]

Not the friendliest first chapter I've read, but at least you have something so that's a plus.

Your dialogue is a bit confusing and I had to read over the paragraphs a few times to understand what is going on. Smaller paragraphs would also help.

Having a few, single line or short paragraphs will also send a strong message. I can see your already doing this with some of your lines, but your other paragraphs are huge and can be broken down.

I don't know about other people but when I see long paragraphs I tend to skim read or ignore it completely. If it happens often in the first few chapters, I would stop reading entirely. So I suggest breaking down the paragraphs into smaller ones. I know its difficult writing short paragraphs when you're overflowing with ideas particularly when you just start writing but just slow down a bit.

I would suggest writing out a chapter, then leave it for a day or two before going back and checking it over again. With a fresh mind you can notice a lot of mistakes or unclear aspects of your writing. This also works for assignments, if you are a student and studying at the moment.

Hope you keep writing your story premise is not bad.

Edit: I would also link your story to your signature. That way more people will see it.

Thanks for your opinion

You need a better cover if you want an audience

Thanks for a tip

 

[SakeVision]

Your cover looks a bit stretched, find an image that fits this site's proportions.

 

[LilTV1155]

I checked it and sent a comment to your first chapter.

 

[Lana]

I checked it and sent a comment to your first chapter.

thank you ??