[Closed for now!<3]

[OatMush]

Hello! It is I! Oatmush!
I have quite a long queue in my other thread so I'd like to close submissions, but that thread is too old to modify the title, so I thought it would be reasonable to start a new thread.
Everyone in that queue is of coursed still listed, and I will get to you as I can.

Also, sorry everyone for the wait, I have not had as much free time as I'd hoped I would!


Now let's try to chip away at the ol' queue.

How about my latest?

State of the Art

In a near-future world where reality often feels like an afterthought, players escape into A Realm Reforged Again—a groundbreaking VR MMORPG offering unparalleled character customization. Follow Jason, Ryan, Emmy, and Sophie as they navigate personal struggles both in and out of the game...

www.scribblehub.com

Ok, sorry for the wait! It's unfortunate I seem to start every review this way!

Well... I've read till chapter 3! It's good! But not for me.

Firstly, phenomenal first chapter! I was hooked! It reads easily and I found Sophia's breakup very natural. Well done!
Secondly, decent second chapter! I'm not a personal fan of POV changes, at least early on, but you seem to have good reason to do so. I did wonder if making Ryan being so obviously trans is best. I feel that the whole "everyone knows character is trans except said character" thing is a bit played out. But, I'm not trans, so maybe that's a common occurrence in real life? And theirs no reason the trope couldn't work, just removes a lot of the mystery, and maybe risks making their self ignorance more frustrating to the reader. Not sure though, and I'd have to read more to find out how you handle this.
Thirdly, the third chapter! This is where my interest waned. I've never really been interested in VR, or RPGs, or MMOs... or VRMMORPGs... SO I'm afraid I'm not really being swayed by this setting.

In bittersweet consolation, my review is going to be very short for very good reasons. I just really didn't find anything to fault with your story. You seem very competent in your craft, and for people interested in the genre I'm sure they'll have a bully old time! But it isn't for me, so I'm afraid my review is quite short! Keep it up! Have fun!

 

[RoyalTime]

Bro who are you?

I'm not getting any of what you're talking about?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Bro who are you?

I'm not getting any of what you're talking about?

I believe this refers to THIS thread:
(3) I will tell you when and why I stopped reading your story. | Scribble Hub Forum
Might have helped to include a link in the first poste but those of us who visited it could at least guess without one.

 

[Clo]

In bittersweet consolation, my review is going to be very short for very good reasons. I just really didn't find anything to fault with your story.

Thanks for reading! It saddens me the genre isn't to your liking, as I was eager to hear your feedback as the story went on and your perception of the characters evolved with them.

Thank you once again for the feedback and comments! I knew going in that my story would not be for everyone, and I have gotten a few feedback to that effect lately. All in similar vein as yours: no real issues, just not for them.

 

[OatMush]

Bro who are you?

I'm not getting any of what you're talking about?

I am Oatmush. I said so at the beginning.

I believe this refers to THIS thread:
(3) I will tell you when and why I stopped reading your story. | Scribble Hub Forum
Might have helped to include a link in the first poste but those of us who visited it could at least guess without one.

Thought about posting link, no real point though cause I'm not looking for more submissions, will edit when\if I get through what I've got.

Thanks for reading! It saddens me the genre isn't to your liking, as I was eager to hear your feedback as the story went on and your perception of the characters evolved with them.

Thank you once again for the feedback and comments! I knew going in that my story would not be for everyone, and I have gotten a few feedback to that effect lately. All in similar vein as yours: no real issues, just nlt for them.

Yeah, your writing is quite good, all the best too you.

 

[OatMush]

If it doesn't overload the work you already have!

Aura: The soul’s true nature

Auras. These are a power that can only be used by a select few. They grant the user an unique ability linked to their soul. All auras come in unique shapes and forms. It is unknown how many people roam the gigantic city with one. Ymeno tries to live life...

www.scribblehub.com

I'm not sure I can be overloaded if I'm hardly even updating!

I stopped organically here:
Expose the gods that ruled this city. They had eyes everywhere. That's the only thing that he knew. These gods treated the city like a big playground, providing guns to all sorts of gangs small and big, because those were a rarity. Every major crime always felt like they had something to do with it.
My main issue was strange wording and grammar. In the above extract I can't tell who the pronouns are talking about—what are 'those' that are rare? Are big or small gangs rare? Are guns rare? Then, next sentence, you mention 'they', does this mean the gangs? Because that's the last 'they' you mention.
Bare in mind, I'm dumb, so I can't give solid advice on grammar or wording, but here's a few other sentences that just read wrong:

Putting the mask on felt like a switch being flipped, going from ordinary person to someone who can take on everything.
This reads bad to me, I think you're mixing tense? Maybe try changing can to could?
Bitterness and anger are what drove the vigilante, alongside a gigantic conviction of justice.
Bad word choice maybe? Or odd phrasing? Maybe it's just cringe? I cringed reading it, anyway.
Now that the mask was put on,
Why are you saying now? Isn't the story past tense? This is a place where I don't know what the correct answer is, but it reads wrong.
Being a vigilante in this city was playing with your life; A game so skewed, there are none left except Ray.
Mixing tense again, 'was' is past, 'are' is present.

Skimming through the rest of the chapter, tense seems to be a huge weakness of yours. As a reader, every mistake I find takes me out of the experience. I'll forgive one or two, these are free webnovels afterall, but if every other sentence reads wrong or has odd phrasing it's too much for me. Your first chapter should be what brings in new readers—if it's poorly edited, it implies the whole story will be poorly edited.
So fix your tenses! And have fun while doing it!

 

[KersenBloemNL]

I'm not sure I can be overloaded if I'm hardly even updating!

I stopped organically here:
Expose the gods that ruled this city. They had eyes everywhere. That's the only thing that he knew. These gods treated the city like a big playground, providing guns to all sorts of gangs small and big, because those were a rarity. Every major crime always felt like they had something to do with it.
My main issue was strange wording and grammar. In the above extract I can't tell who the pronouns are talking about—what are 'those' that are rare? Are big or small gangs rare? Are guns rare? Then, next sentence, you mention 'they', does this mean the gangs? Because that's the last 'they' you mention.
Bare in mind, I'm dumb, so I can't give solid advice on grammar or wording, but here's a few other sentences that just read wrong:

Putting the mask on felt like a switch being flipped, going from ordinary person to someone who can take on everything.
This reads bad to me, I think you're mixing tense? Maybe try changing can to could?
Bitterness and anger are what drove the vigilante, alongside a gigantic conviction of justice.
Bad word choice maybe? Or odd phrasing? Maybe it's just cringe? I cringed reading it, anyway.
Now that the mask was put on,
Why are you saying now? Isn't the story past tense? This is a place where I don't know what the correct answer is, but it reads wrong.
Being a vigilante in this city was playing with your life; A game so skewed, there are none left except Ray.
Mixing tense again, 'was' is past, 'are' is present.

Skimming through the rest of the chapter, tense seems to be a huge weakness of yours. As a reader, every mistake I find takes me out of the experience. I'll forgive one or two, these are free webnovels afterall, but if every other sentence reads wrong or has odd phrasing it's too much for me. Your first chapter should be what brings in new readers—if it's poorly edited, it implies the whole story will be poorly edited.
So fix your tenses! And have fun while doing it!

Thank you! I thought it was fixed, but apparantly not. Gonna work on that ASAP. Was feeling conflicted on chap 1 as is, this helps put in perspective why.