CHECK OUT BOYS GANG.

[Sunsetinapainting]

Could you please check out my novel boys gang.here is the link. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2063982/boys-gang/
I would really appreciate some feedback on my latest chapters.
It would.be nice if someone tells me what they think of my novel

 

[Daeron]

I read your latest chapters, well I could tell you want to make it sound more Comics-like story. The dynamic between MC and his butler(?) Xavier quite good. Xavier was clearly overworked and MC quite chaotic, typical teenage boys.

But, this is my opinion, I need to read it 3 times to understand the plot, before i realized, there's no plot in this story.
You didn't make the plot yet aren't you?

You got good idea about the dynamics or how should a teenage boy act. But if you write without proper plot, the reader will be lost easily.
Let me suggest you some manga with strong slice of life element, the title is Ichigo 100%. It was completely teenager slice of life but the plot and character development was very good.

 

[Sunsetinapainting]

I read your latest chapters, well I could tell you want to make it sound more Comics-like story. The dynamic between MC and his butler(?) Xavier quite good. Xavier was clearly overworked and MC quite chaotic, typical teenage boys.

But, this is my opinion, I need to read it 3 times to understand the plot, before i realized, there's no plot in this story.
You didn't make the plot yet aren't you?

You got good idea about the dynamics or how should a teenage boy act. But if you write without proper plot, the reader will be lost easily.
Let me suggest you some manga with strong slice of life element, the title is Ichigo 100%. It was completely teenager slice of life but the plot and character development was very good.

Thanks alot

 

[K_Nishi]

I really enjoyed the reveal in this chapter. The transformation scene was the moment that stood out the most to me, and it made me curious about what happens next.

Because of that, I wonder if this line might work even better as the chapter ending:

“Then I felt my body shift not dramatically but just enough to notice, I felt lighter and when I looked into the mirror I was shocked by the sight before me, staring back at me was an extremely cute boy with white hair and pointed ears.”

To me, ending the chapter right at that reveal could make the cliffhanger feel a little stronger, because it leaves the reader with a clear surprise and a reason to immediately continue.

Of course, this is just my impression as a reader, but I thought that moment had the strongest impact, so it might be a very effective place to stop.

 

[Sunsetinapainting]

I really enjoyed the reveal in this chapter. The transformation scene was the moment that stood out the most to me, and it made me curious about what happens next.

Because of that, I wonder if this line might work even better as the chapter ending:

“Then I felt my body shift not dramatically but just enough to notice, I felt lighter and when I looked into the mirror I was shocked by the sight before me, staring back at me was an extremely cute boy with white hair and pointed ears.”

To me, ending the chapter right at that reveal could make the cliffhanger feel a little stronger, because it leaves the reader with a clear surprise and a reason to immediately continue.

Of course, this is just my impression as a reader, but I thought that moment had the strongest impact, so it might be a very effective place to stop.

Thanks so much, I'll make the needed change. And don't worry I need all the suggestions I can get, I'll keep improving and keep getting better.

 

[Sunsetinapainting]

I just published CHAPTER 16 of boys gang, hope you read it and tell me what you think.