I need feedback on one of my characters, his name is aegis and this chapter perfectly captures how he behaves. I want to know your opinions on this particular character.
Chapter 4 - The boy from the arena.
Aegis wiped the table clean. His faded tunic bore tiny holes, and his burning red eyes followed the cloth in his hand without focus. Lantern light painted his face in restless gold. A cold breath brushed his skin. Aegis froze.
His gaze darted across the tavern before settling on the stranger in the doorway. It was the champion from the arena — the one who had silenced the crowd. Before any words could escape his mouth, a foot crashed into his ribs.
The blow sent him into the stone wall with a dull thud. Pain burst through his chest as his lungs struggled for air. After a moment, Aegis leaned back against the stone, vision blurred, fingers pressed against his ribs. The growls, snarls, and sharp voices did not stop. No one cared.
Until—
“Blood ale.”
The voice sounded wrong. As if a hundred voices spoke through one throat. Fangs hid, tails curled, and silence spread across the tavern. After a moment, loud footsteps resounded as his master made his way into the kitchen.
Aegis looked up, the stranger stood near a table. The stranger’s gaze slowly turned toward aegis and stopped, a chill run down his spine. But before Aegis could react, the mysterious Eldari turned away and sat in a corner. Aegis exhaled in relief, he slowly stood up. However, a sharp pain invaded his senses, his right shoulder felt weak.
Not again! His shoulder joint slipped out of place. Aegis clutched his shoulder and rotated it around, hoping it would slide back into position and ease the pain. A sharp hiss escaped between his fangs as he kept trying. But he failed. Eventually, he gave up, his right arm dangled uselessly as he wiped tables with his left arm.
“You there.” A calm voice reached his pointy ears. Aegis turned his gaze in the direction of the voice. It was the stranger. His heart raced, what could this scary old man want? His feet carried him toward the stranger, a knot formed in his throat.
Soon, he stood before the stranger. The table in front of him was small, but enough for a person. Aegis prepared himself to speak, “W-what can I do for you, sir— ?” his voice cracked before the word could finish.
The Eldari turned his gaze toward his dangling arm, Aegis stood motionless. “Follow me,” he gestured toward Aegis’s arm and gripped his shoulder. Aegis clutched his shoulder and tried to follow the stranger. The stranger pushed his shoulder upward. Aegis mirrored the motion.
My Devil…It worked! A warm breath of air escaped his lips. “Thank you sir…” he let the silence stretch. The champion nodded. He patted the wooden chair beside him, “Come, sit with me, Boy.”
Aegis froze, confusion crawled into his mind, Is he jesting? Why would he want me to sit beside him?
SNAP.
The pale red fingers of the champion snapped, “What? You don’t want to sit with me?”
Aegis quickly sat beside him and bowed. Out of the corner of his eye, Aegis caught a few disgusted glances directed at him. Whispers spread across the hall, but the man beside him spun a coin on the table until it stopped, and he spun it again. Aegis’s caught sight of it. Its gray-black surface and the figure with countless horns engraved upon it looked unlike any normal coin.
A soul coin! His eyes burned bright. A quiet blue radiance beneath its cold metal surface was oddly beautiful, His jaw dropped. His faded tunic was unbuttoned and the scars on his chest were visible. Before the stranger could notice, Aegis quickly buttoned his shirt.
The champion’s gaze turned toward him, “What is your name, boy?”
Aegis was caught off guard, “A-Aegis—” his voice cracked again.
A faint smile appeared on the stranger’s pale red face, “It’s my honor to meet you Aegis.” He bowed. Aegis’s gaze was fixed on the stranger, Who takes honor in meeting filth?
By now his master stood in front of the table with a glass bottle of blood ale in his hand, “Pardon me, sir, but I only had one bottle of—” his voice stopped mid-sentence as he noticed his slave sitting beside his patron.
“ Wha—” before he could finish, the man beside him spoke, “Put the bottle down and leave.” A distorted voice escaped his mouth again. This time the dancing flames inside the tavern died plunging the hall into darkness, the sunset light seeped through the windows.
His master’s face twisted in fear. He bent his fat body and left them alone. “How long have you been living here, in the Pitt?” Without any delay Aegis turned his gaze toward the stranger. After a pause, Aegis spoke in a low voice, his gaze avoiding the stranger’s.
“Fourteen years… sir.”
“So I take it you know every part of this city?” the stranger spoke after taking a sip from the bottle. Aegis nodded in agreement.
The stranger put down the bottle. “What can you tell me about the southern part?” Aegis froze, his heart skipped a beat.
The stranger added, “Ashen chapel?” The name itself drew wary glances toward their table, every fiend in the hall turned toward them.
“Not here…” Aegis replied hastily. Aegis’s meek voice shifted into something calmer, more controlled, “The name of the place still terrifies the fiends in here.” He paused and continued, “And terrified fiends are no less than rabid hounds.”
Low snarls and growls slipped past the patrons’ fangs, but the stranger paid no attention, instead he took a sip from the bottle. “Very well. Take me to the slums in the southern part.” The color drained from Aegis’s face. “Tell me about it there.”
Aegis opened his mouth, but words did not come out of him, Why is it always me?. In that moment, his fat master’s face flashed in his mind. Aegis spoke hastily, “I-I can’t, I need to give a coin to my master to go out.”
The calm face of the stranger dropped, his lips frowned. Aegis expected a hard blow on his cheeks but the stranger handed over two gold coins, “Is this enough?” Aegis’s eyes gleamed. Why would someone take interest in him? Let alone a scary champion. After a long pause, he grabbed the coins. The wood creaked as Aegis lifted himself up. His feet carried him to the kitchen. A few moments passed before he emerged out of kitchen with a red cheek. His feet dragged him to the table while, his palm rubbed his cheek. Aegis halted before the table.
One of his hands moved forward with his palm open while, the other rubbed his cheek. “My master wants two more coins” he said with a deadpan stillness in his face. The stranger handed two more gold coins to him.
Two spotless white crescents rose on the horizon as they made their way out, Aegis heart beat like a war drum. Calm down, calm down. Soon, after walking for a while, they reached the southern part of the city. The iron street lanterns painted the surroundings in restless gold. The gray stone buildings were replaced by thatch and wood, the fiends become scarce as the frail cambions roamed the street. The stone pavement was littered with dirt and filth. They entered the slums, or at least the better part of it.
Both of them stopped, before them a long stone road was stretched into the horizon before being cut off by a tall black wall. It stretched across the horizon like a severed boundary. Beyond it, on a tall hill of rubble and stone stood a lone cathedral eclipsing a crescent, its gold decorations lost its shine, gray fog spread across its root and the dead city surrounding it.
Aegis pointed his finger toward it, “Ashen chapel…” The stranger beside him averted his focus toward the chapel. Aegis stood motionless behind him as he studied the ruined chapel and its surroundings. Soon, the stranger turned back, “What do you know about it?” his voice grew grim. Aegis and the stranger sat on a stone block in an alley.
Aegis exhaled as he prepared himself, “The Ashen chapel was once a beautiful monument of the Pitt,” he rubbed his palms as the darkness of the night carried faint whispers. “Citizens of the Pitt showed their gratitude for the Arch Devil Vorax— the lord of hunger, greed, and glory.”
The champion leaned in, as he continued “Every single creature in Inanitas— Fiends, cambions, and corrupted paid tribute with gold for granting them life and ambition.”
“Until—”
Chapter 4 - The boy from the arena.
Aegis wiped the table clean. His faded tunic bore tiny holes, and his burning red eyes followed the cloth in his hand without focus. Lantern light painted his face in restless gold. A cold breath brushed his skin. Aegis froze.
His gaze darted across the tavern before settling on the stranger in the doorway. It was the champion from the arena — the one who had silenced the crowd. Before any words could escape his mouth, a foot crashed into his ribs.
The blow sent him into the stone wall with a dull thud. Pain burst through his chest as his lungs struggled for air. After a moment, Aegis leaned back against the stone, vision blurred, fingers pressed against his ribs. The growls, snarls, and sharp voices did not stop. No one cared.
Until—
“Blood ale.”
The voice sounded wrong. As if a hundred voices spoke through one throat. Fangs hid, tails curled, and silence spread across the tavern. After a moment, loud footsteps resounded as his master made his way into the kitchen.
Aegis looked up, the stranger stood near a table. The stranger’s gaze slowly turned toward aegis and stopped, a chill run down his spine. But before Aegis could react, the mysterious Eldari turned away and sat in a corner. Aegis exhaled in relief, he slowly stood up. However, a sharp pain invaded his senses, his right shoulder felt weak.
Not again! His shoulder joint slipped out of place. Aegis clutched his shoulder and rotated it around, hoping it would slide back into position and ease the pain. A sharp hiss escaped between his fangs as he kept trying. But he failed. Eventually, he gave up, his right arm dangled uselessly as he wiped tables with his left arm.
“You there.” A calm voice reached his pointy ears. Aegis turned his gaze in the direction of the voice. It was the stranger. His heart raced, what could this scary old man want? His feet carried him toward the stranger, a knot formed in his throat.
Soon, he stood before the stranger. The table in front of him was small, but enough for a person. Aegis prepared himself to speak, “W-what can I do for you, sir— ?” his voice cracked before the word could finish.
The Eldari turned his gaze toward his dangling arm, Aegis stood motionless. “Follow me,” he gestured toward Aegis’s arm and gripped his shoulder. Aegis clutched his shoulder and tried to follow the stranger. The stranger pushed his shoulder upward. Aegis mirrored the motion.
My Devil…It worked! A warm breath of air escaped his lips. “Thank you sir…” he let the silence stretch. The champion nodded. He patted the wooden chair beside him, “Come, sit with me, Boy.”
Aegis froze, confusion crawled into his mind, Is he jesting? Why would he want me to sit beside him?
SNAP.
The pale red fingers of the champion snapped, “What? You don’t want to sit with me?”
Aegis quickly sat beside him and bowed. Out of the corner of his eye, Aegis caught a few disgusted glances directed at him. Whispers spread across the hall, but the man beside him spun a coin on the table until it stopped, and he spun it again. Aegis’s caught sight of it. Its gray-black surface and the figure with countless horns engraved upon it looked unlike any normal coin.
A soul coin! His eyes burned bright. A quiet blue radiance beneath its cold metal surface was oddly beautiful, His jaw dropped. His faded tunic was unbuttoned and the scars on his chest were visible. Before the stranger could notice, Aegis quickly buttoned his shirt.
The champion’s gaze turned toward him, “What is your name, boy?”
Aegis was caught off guard, “A-Aegis—” his voice cracked again.
A faint smile appeared on the stranger’s pale red face, “It’s my honor to meet you Aegis.” He bowed. Aegis’s gaze was fixed on the stranger, Who takes honor in meeting filth?
By now his master stood in front of the table with a glass bottle of blood ale in his hand, “Pardon me, sir, but I only had one bottle of—” his voice stopped mid-sentence as he noticed his slave sitting beside his patron.
“ Wha—” before he could finish, the man beside him spoke, “Put the bottle down and leave.” A distorted voice escaped his mouth again. This time the dancing flames inside the tavern died plunging the hall into darkness, the sunset light seeped through the windows.
His master’s face twisted in fear. He bent his fat body and left them alone. “How long have you been living here, in the Pitt?” Without any delay Aegis turned his gaze toward the stranger. After a pause, Aegis spoke in a low voice, his gaze avoiding the stranger’s.
“Fourteen years… sir.”
“So I take it you know every part of this city?” the stranger spoke after taking a sip from the bottle. Aegis nodded in agreement.
The stranger put down the bottle. “What can you tell me about the southern part?” Aegis froze, his heart skipped a beat.
The stranger added, “Ashen chapel?” The name itself drew wary glances toward their table, every fiend in the hall turned toward them.
“Not here…” Aegis replied hastily. Aegis’s meek voice shifted into something calmer, more controlled, “The name of the place still terrifies the fiends in here.” He paused and continued, “And terrified fiends are no less than rabid hounds.”
Low snarls and growls slipped past the patrons’ fangs, but the stranger paid no attention, instead he took a sip from the bottle. “Very well. Take me to the slums in the southern part.” The color drained from Aegis’s face. “Tell me about it there.”
Aegis opened his mouth, but words did not come out of him, Why is it always me?. In that moment, his fat master’s face flashed in his mind. Aegis spoke hastily, “I-I can’t, I need to give a coin to my master to go out.”
The calm face of the stranger dropped, his lips frowned. Aegis expected a hard blow on his cheeks but the stranger handed over two gold coins, “Is this enough?” Aegis’s eyes gleamed. Why would someone take interest in him? Let alone a scary champion. After a long pause, he grabbed the coins. The wood creaked as Aegis lifted himself up. His feet carried him to the kitchen. A few moments passed before he emerged out of kitchen with a red cheek. His feet dragged him to the table while, his palm rubbed his cheek. Aegis halted before the table.
One of his hands moved forward with his palm open while, the other rubbed his cheek. “My master wants two more coins” he said with a deadpan stillness in his face. The stranger handed two more gold coins to him.
Two spotless white crescents rose on the horizon as they made their way out, Aegis heart beat like a war drum. Calm down, calm down. Soon, after walking for a while, they reached the southern part of the city. The iron street lanterns painted the surroundings in restless gold. The gray stone buildings were replaced by thatch and wood, the fiends become scarce as the frail cambions roamed the street. The stone pavement was littered with dirt and filth. They entered the slums, or at least the better part of it.
Both of them stopped, before them a long stone road was stretched into the horizon before being cut off by a tall black wall. It stretched across the horizon like a severed boundary. Beyond it, on a tall hill of rubble and stone stood a lone cathedral eclipsing a crescent, its gold decorations lost its shine, gray fog spread across its root and the dead city surrounding it.
Aegis pointed his finger toward it, “Ashen chapel…” The stranger beside him averted his focus toward the chapel. Aegis stood motionless behind him as he studied the ruined chapel and its surroundings. Soon, the stranger turned back, “What do you know about it?” his voice grew grim. Aegis and the stranger sat on a stone block in an alley.
Aegis exhaled as he prepared himself, “The Ashen chapel was once a beautiful monument of the Pitt,” he rubbed his palms as the darkness of the night carried faint whispers. “Citizens of the Pitt showed their gratitude for the Arch Devil Vorax— the lord of hunger, greed, and glory.”
The champion leaned in, as he continued “Every single creature in Inanitas— Fiends, cambions, and corrupted paid tribute with gold for granting them life and ambition.”
“Until—”
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