Can Someone review my writing

[FrenzyWanderer]

I am new to writing, I started writing a story. Which is in the fantasy genre. I started writing as a hobby but still catching up on most of the skills. I decided to do that while writing the story.

I'm currently writing the story forward while revising the previous chapters, Hoping these "Revisions" would make my skills sharper

So can anyone give their feedback on this chapter specifically
And whether I'm doing the things right? I mean the plan

Also how can I improve on my writing, Any advices?

I've already about to finish the story in first draft. It's still messy but the story looks promising to me. That's why I just transitioned from writing as a hobby to getting into this seriously

 

[Sparkle_Writers]

Hi, I'd love to.
You can send a DM so we can talk better.