Can someone review my books?

[Boltha1]

I made a couple of books but i dont know if they are good especially my new one can someone please tell me what you think of it.

 

[John_Owl]

Can you post links? I'll give a brief overview. Not sure if I'll read, as I'm rather picky as a reader.

 

[Boltha1]

To catch A YANDERE

``This is a fanmade series created in the USA for entertainment purposes only. It incorporates elements inspired by a series called 'To Catch a Predator' by Chris Hansen, but this series focuses on a yandere cultural twist. ``` ``` Now Yandere... they are vile, unforgiving beings who care for...

www.scribblehub.com

The mind reader Omniscient (F.P.V

The sun beat down mercilessly on the vehicle transporting me to Tartaros, the worst prison in the world. Sweat trickled down my back as I sat in the cramped interior, surrounded by the stifling air and the incessant chatter of my fellow inmates. Their thoughts assaulted my mind, a cacophony...

www.scribblehub.com

Here you go these are the ones that i like best.

 

[Anonjohn20]

To catch A YANDERE

``This is a fanmade series created in the USA for entertainment purposes only. It incorporates elements inspired by a series called 'To Catch a Predator' by Chris Hansen, but this series focuses on a yandere cultural twist. ``` ``` Now Yandere... they are vile, unforgiving beings who care for...

www.scribblehub.com

The mind reader Omniscient (F.P.V

The sun beat down mercilessly on the vehicle transporting me to Tartaros, the worst prison in the world. Sweat trickled down my back as I sat in the cramped interior, surrounded by the stifling air and the incessant chatter of my fellow inmates. Their thoughts assaulted my mind, a cacophony...

www.scribblehub.com

Here you go these are the ones that i like best.

I summon @Tempokai

EDIT: The legendary Tempokai

 

[John_Owl]

Here you go these are the ones that i like best.

I take it you're fairly new here. I didn't see your reply, since it doesn't automatically follow threads you reply to - You'd have to reply, quote, or @ mention me for me to be notified. But that's fine, we all start somewhere.

Onto the series homepages.
To catch a YANDERE:
The synopsis is short and to the point, but doesn't really draw me in. It starts with a short bit that sounds like it's supposed to be a play on the Law and Order intro "The men and women who investigate these crimes are the Special Victims unit. These are their stories." But then it suddenly switches to just a warning. Warnings should be placed after the portion that draws you in, so it can still be plainly seen, but it's not scaring away potential readers before they've been hooked by the synopsis.
Tags: There aren't a lot of tags. While this isn't bad or wrong, it can scare away potential readers. We don't really know what to expect going in. Most readers won't want to risk getting hooked into a series early chapters only for later chapters to raise a topic a reader isn't comfortable with.
I'll read it when I have time and leave a review of the content on the series when I'm able to, but also please be aware that it's #2 of a total 2 series in the "yandere" fandom tag. Not saying this to dissuade you, just to give you realistic expectations that it's not a hugely popular tag. That said, I love yandere (one of my favorite indie games is Yandere Sim) and I'm genuinely excited to have the chance to read it.

The mind reader Omniscient:
The synopsis is longer, which is good. It gives a good guess at the series' content, but there's a lot of profanity and sexual talk. This, combined with the "sexual abuse" tag will turn off a lot of readers. Again, author's choice, but realistic expectations. I write questionable content and tags as well, but I've learned to moderate my expectations for each. I just don't want you to get your hopes up to only crash. It's better to expect nothing and get the world.
Tags: again, not a lot of tags. same issue as above. Not wrong or bad, but it can limit success. You cna have up to 25 tags and there are a LOT available. I'd recommend going slowly through the list and pick out the ones you plan to use.
Again, I'll read it when I have time and will leave a review of the content on the series itself. That said, the genres and existing tags look good. There are some interesting sounding combinations. The grammar looks good from what I see, though as said, the profanity in the synopsis seems a little excessive. But I do look forward to reading it.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Yes people will but, normally you get better results posting here: Story Feedback | Scribble Hub Forum

 

[Nexus_English]

Have cookie

 

[Anonjohn20]

I was so foolish, Tempokai can't be summoned. He or she is just too strong.

 

[Tempokai]

First, lack amount of chapters. Seriously, you think 3 chapters with merely 1400 words each will entice someone who isn't bored so hard that he'll read crumbs? Do more chapters. MAKE THE CHAPTERS LONGER. KEEP UP WITH THE UPLOADING, NOT DROPPING IT ONCE "I have no views, bohoo" THOUGHTS IN YOUR MIND. The first reader is always you, and then the other readers who have a mild interest will come to give opinions. Or not. I will not bother analyzing the stories plot wise because of word count. Just keep uploading, screaming into the entertainment void called SH, and you'll get your results.

I was so foolish, Tempokai can't be summoned. He or she is just too strong.

amogus

 

[Anonjohn20]

First, lack amount of chapters. Seriously, you think 3 chapters with merely 1400 words each will entice someone who isn't bored so hard that he'll read crumbs? Do more chapters. MAKE THE CHAPTERS LONGER. KEEP UP WITH THE UPLOADING, NOT DROPPING IT ONCE "I have no views, bohoo" THOUGHTS IN YOUR MIND. The first reader is always you, and then the other readers who have a mild interest will come to give opinions. Or not. I will not bother analyzing the stories plot wise because of word count. Just keep uploading, screaming into the entertainment void called SH, and you'll get your results.


amogus

The reviewing legend is here.

 

[beast_regards]

A few tips:

1) Your approach (i.e. write a chapter or two and wait if someone reacts) would work better on the sites like Spacebattles or Sufficient Velocity. They are forum-based, which means last post on the top, and people randomly browsing the forum are more likely to react to the latest post, especially if it is just a one or two chapters. Sites like the Scribble Hub to expect a commitment from writers - you are noticed after a week or two of daily posting, assuming the other criteria are met. You don't post a chapter here and wait a month if someone reacts. The algorithm doesn't work this way, your story is assumed dead.

2) Don't ask for feedback like this. You are most likely to receive a negative response you don't want, which will bury your motivation to write. Doing the same on a different site would most likely be even worse for you. Internet is horrible for positive affirmations. This approach practically never helps.

3) The only purpose of the brief chapters on the site like this is to game the algorithm. I.e. your chapter is a thousand words long, but you post every day. If you just post a few brief chapters so you know "if it is good" you will get ignored (which is exactly what happened to you here).

4) The feedback from the sites like this is very likely not going to the helpful when it comes to learning how to write because ... well, it's Internet ... and also because the sites are conceived as a place where you present your final product. I know, we are all amateurs without any formal education or training in the matter of writing, and we don't know how to write properly, but it doesn't change the fact how those sites work.

 

[Boltha1]

Thank you all for the information that all of you provided to me i will take it into consideration and i have a wonky schedule so i upload when i can. And also i made my new book super descriptive because i wanted people to feel what it was like in Y/n's situation anyways i will update and all of that.
@beast_regards @anonjohn20 @Tempokai @CharlesEBrown @Nexus_English @John_Owl

 

[beast_regards]

Thank you all for the information that all of you provided to me i will take it into consideration and i have a wonky schedule so i upload when i can. And also i made my new book super descriptive because i wanted people to feel what it was like in Y/n's situation anyways i will update and all of that.

This is how many fan-fics are written...

Vast majority of the fan-fics on the sites like Spacebattles or Sufficient Velocity like this because, as you said, authors want to test the idea, and usually there isn't much beyond that.

The web novel sites are somewhat harder on writers ...

 

[Boltha1]

I understand, thanks for telling me this. @beast_regards

First, lack amount of chapters. Seriously, you think 3 chapters with merely 1400 words each will entice someone who isn't bored so hard that he'll read crumbs? Do more chapters. MAKE THE CHAPTERS LONGER. KEEP UP WITH THE UPLOADING, NOT DROPPING IT ONCE "I have no views, bohoo" THOUGHTS IN YOUR MIND. The first reader is always you, and then the other readers who have a mild interest will come to give opinions. Or not. I will not bother analyzing the stories plot wise because of word count. Just keep uploading, screaming into the entertainment void called SH, and you'll get your results.


amogus

Oh and also this isn't my first book, or rodeo if you please I found this app on accident I'm usually on Wattpad working with my three accounts which have more than four books but I actually want to make these seriously and not for fun.