Can someone have a second look on my synopsis or first chapter?

[AstraMagically]

I'm not asking much, but I'm simply want to know whether what I have now is enough to hook readers?

To be honest, it's not bad, but I have seen it too many times that I don't know if there is something wrong with it anymore.

Thank you in advance.

 

[ModernGold7ne]

I'm not asking much, but I'm simply want to know whether what I have now is enough to hook readers?

To be honest, it's not bad, but I have seen it too many times that I don't know if there is something wrong with it anymore.

Thank you in advance.

It feels generic, a synopsis that could be adapted for any other novel of the same genre.

 

[AstraMagically]

It feels generic, a synopsis that could be adapted for any other novel of the same genre.

Hmm, thank you for your opinion. But I don't know how to make it better...

 

[ModernGold7ne]

Hmm, thank you for your opinion. But I don't know how to make it better...

In your synopsis, you should feature the main points of your story.
Make it interesting, but don't spoil your plot.
Make sure it's presentable.
Read the synopses of other stories, that would give you good examples.

Well, hope I helped, and good luck with your story.

UNRELATED:

Read your story a few days ago, thought it was interesting, I too am an aspiring writer, I'd appreciate your opinion if you ever have the time.

 

[Niame]

I'm not asking much, but I'm simply want to know whether what I have now is enough to hook readers?

To be honest, it's not bad, but I have seen it too many times that I don't know if there is something wrong with it anymore.

Thank you in advance.

Just looking at the synopsis alone, I'd say you can cut this line entirely:
"Unfortunately, Vincent was bound to become a programmer even in this other world with his [Programming] and [Developer Interface] Vocations"
It's clunky and distracting, and doesn't convey any more information than this line does:
"What will an average programmer student do when he finds out that he can code the dungeon?"

Other than that, you should consider what make your novel unique, and try to convey that. Harem isekais about controlling a dungeon are a dime a dozen, so if you want to get more readers you need to give them a reason to pick your novel over all the others.

 

[greyblob]

it's fine imo thoughI I'd cut it after this

But no one said that this new world would be easy…

 

[AstraMagically]

Just looking at the synopsis alone, I'd say you can cut this line entirely:
"Unfortunately, Vincent was bound to become a programmer even in this other world with his [Programming] and [Developer Interface] Vocations"
It's clunky and distracting, and doesn't convey any more information than this line does:
"What will an average programmer student do when he finds out that he can code the dungeon?"

Other than that, you should consider what make your novel unique, and try to convey that. Harem isekais about controlling a dungeon are a dime a dozen, so if you want to get more readers you need to give them a reason to pick your novel over all the others.

it's fine imo thoughI I'd cut it after this

Thank you for your both opinions.

@Niame You're right on that one! It doesn't add anything.
@greyblob The one you suggest can work and short as well, but it feels a bit lacking somehow.

In your synopsis, you should feature the main points of your story.
Make it interesting, but don't spoil your plot.
Make sure it's presentable.
Read the synopses of other stories, that would give you good examples.

Well, hope I helped, and good luck with your story.

UNRELATED:

Read your story a few days ago, thought it was interesting, I too am an aspiring writer, I'd appreciate your opinion if you ever have the time.

I think your synopsis is the exact opposite from mine.
And personally, I like it more when a synopsis is not one paragraph and a bit more spread out.
You can spoil the plot a bit to become a hook, otherwise you will make your potential readers wondering what's truly inside your story.

 

[MoonlitSonata]

well, can anyone check mine 'https://www.scribblehub.com/series/...influential-warlord-is-in-obsession-with-me-/ 'too

 

[ModernGold7ne]

@AstraMagically I redact my previous comment, my synopsis is worse than yours!

 

[AstraMagically]

@AstraMagically I redact my previous comment, my synopsis is worse than yours!

Actually what concern me about your story is neither the content nor the synopsis but the cover.
You certainly have one of the most popular tag in Scribble Hub, being "Gender Bender," but you didn't capitalize on that.
Most Authors with similar genre as yours have sexy anime girls as covers for attracting you know readers.
Maybe you can have fairy like the one in SAO as your cover or something. I don't know.
But that's only my two cents on the matter, so take with a grain of salt.

 

[ModernGold7ne]

Actually what concern me about your story is neither the content nor the synopsis but the cover.
You certainly have one of the most popular tag in Scribble Hub, being "Gender Bender," but you didn't capitalize on that.
Most Authors with similar genre as yours have sexy anime girls as covers for attracting you know readers.
Maybe you can have fairy like the one in SAO as your cover or something. I don't know.
But that's only my two cents on the matter, so take with a grain of salt.

That would be misleading and I have long since fixed my synopsis.
The problem wasn't the cover, it was the confusing sypnosis.
Also, I wasn't trying to capitalize on anything.
The colours in my cover represent the soul and the background, the unknown.

 

[AstraMagically]

That would be misleading and I have long since fixed my synopsis.
The problem wasn't the cover, it was the confusing sypnosis.
Also, I wasn't trying to capitalize on anything.
The colours in my cover represent the soul and the background, the unknown.

I see, you have a point.

 

[Salvador_Sequeira]

I enjoyed it, though I'm a sucker for litRPGs in general haha