I only skimmed through the first chapter, because I'm not really into this stuff.
The scene has a strong atmosphere, and the transition from dream to reality at the end is well-executed. The intimacy is vivid and easy to visualize, and the possessive line adds a darker edge that sets up the later “ruined your life” bitterness nicely.
A couple of things could make it sharper: the middle kiss section runs a bit long and repeats similar warm/sensory beats, so trimming and choosing fewer, more distinctive details would increase impact. Also, “tomorrow is really important” is a good tension seed, but one concrete hint of why would raise the stakes without info-dumping. Finally, dropping “The End” and ending on the last haunting line/image would keep the aftertaste stronger, I think.
Good luck.
