Can someone check what I have out?

[Zuko-Mee]

It's kinda sorta loosely based off of Tower of God but with more Sci-Fi mixed in with the Fantasy and a handful of Xianxia's I've read over the years. I had some other influences that were kinda random but nothing major and important enough to mention specifically with a title.

Its around 9,000+ words an split into 3 chapters. Please let me know what you guys think?? MC is something like a mixture of a pervert/lazy and a serious type.

SANCTUARY

 

[Zuko-Mee]

I don't care much about the grammar wide of things, just want to know is it interesting? Does it progress smoothly? That sort of thing.

 

[Maple-Leaf]

Pity the fucking fool who is me

 

[Zuko-Mee]

Well then, I take it I won't be getting any takers here. Alrighty then. Thanks anyway I guess.

Sorry, I forgot to set my priviliges and some asshole deleted what I had and troll'd up the entire post.

So yeah, fuck you whoever did that.

 

[Maple-Leaf]

Well then, I take it I won't be getting any takers here. Alrighty then. Thanks anyway I guess.

Sorry, I forgot to set my priviliges and some asshole deleted what I had and troll'd up the entire post.

So yeah, fuck you whoever did that.

Sure. Definitely.

Anywho, it's nice. I'm no critic, but a pause between the "Duke thought"s and what he's thinking could help, I found myself reading it all together and getting confused. Genuinely could see myself reading it, but the summary blurb will make or break that decision. Not because of any formatting issues or anything, just because of how I judge the story's going to go. Depends on what kind readers you're trying to attract I guess.
Overall, looks great to me, but I've always thought I was bad at judging what I read.