What the f*ck is this notepad format chaps?Battle of Megacity-0 is now complete, your feedback would be greatly appreciated, this collection of short stories explain the hardships that people of this once thriving city went through during this violent time in their lives, and how all of it could have been avoided.....Battle Of Megascity-0
Bloodshed, Pain, Suffering, this was the norm during the chaos during the Battle of Megacity-0 listen to the tales of those tired and failed to survive it as well as those who did. Survival of the Fittest was never like this.....www.scribblehub.com
I've tried, you're just going to have to meet me halfway here.....
My slothful laziness is going to hate it.
Battle of Megacity-0 is now complete, your feedback would be greatly appreciated, this collection of short stories explain the hardships that people of this once thriving city went through during this violent time in their lives, and how all of it could have been avoided.....Battle Of Megascity-0
Bloodshed, Pain, Suffering, this was the norm during the chaos during the Battle of Megacity-0 listen to the tales of those tired and failed to survive it as well as those who did. Survival of the Fittest was never like this.....
@MC-Stories The MVP right here.Alright, first? Respect. It's deserved to you because you're not being timid in the slightest; you commit. Every chapter has had choices made, followed through with them, and the best part is that they have consequences. That? That separates you from an amateur who drafts action scenes with nothing happening as an aftermath.
As for the formatting problem here? Meh. I read it without an issue. But you do have a control issue and it repeats throughout the novel.
So, for example, you've got quite a few spelling mistakes. I dunno, but maybe the keys on your keyboard are being a little stuck or something because these mistakes look like you were typing too fast for the keys to respond in time; like "i" instead of it being in uppercase, dicipline, canbalism, seccond, strengh, and some others. Also, there's quite a few commas being littered everywhere.
Now, those I don't mind when I get what you're conveying. I got the vision in my head. But other readers may lose their boner over this.
What does become an issue is when the tenses get mixed up. That becomes a problem because I can no longer tell if this happened already or if it is going on now. See what I mean?
You write fast. That's what I am getting from these mistakes. Good news is that they are extremely easy to go back, proofread it, and make those amends.
Now for the not so easy stuff. You fall under the "telling" and not the "showing" style of writing. Like I can pick a few out of there to give you an example: "I was horrified", "It was genocide", "I felt my rage building", "I failed", or "It was madness" and such.
Remember consequences? Stories also need impact before we see the results. Something like solid sensory details, a physical reaction, and some space to give us a real comparison if it is a scene that we will never experience in real life. Okay, that last one might be difficult to understand, so let me explain a little: if we go back to the Vietnam War and see an American plane carpet the jungle in napalm, we're going to know it's a fire, but we need something to compare it with like how that shit is like sticky mud that burns, that can't be simply brushed off with a swipe of our hands because then our own limbs catch on fire too. The horror of such a chemical weapon should be presented as an experience, so immerse us.
Actually, speaking of immersion, I'm noticing a pattern with each chapter. I'm not gonna say that's bad, but it is predictable when you have the narration at the beginning, the explanation of the chaos, then you proceed to have something horrific pop out at us, we get something violent or tragic in response, and then it ends on a moral note.
The reason I am bringing that up is because when something becomes predictable, something we can foresee, it loses that thrill. You know, when we grip the arms of our chairs when reading what will happen next? That sort of deal.
Oh... uh, we also have a small bit of tonal whiplash too. Like, panther kills a father rather brutally, but follows after a shower and a decent nap... huh? I get that's supposed to show how common stuff like that is, but it's rather jarring in the wrong way. You're going for tragedy here, but it feels like this stuff resolves itself too... too cleanly? Where's the mess?
Consequences should be messy. You have them, just that they are currently picture perfect.
Speaking of picture perfect, what is an Awakened? And why did cannibalism escalate so quickly? Oh, also, what did trigger the riots? I get there was some serious discrimination going on, but where did that come from too? Let's get some backstories that'll build the foundation of these incidents because, right now, it just gives me the message that society collapsed because people are evil.
That's a thesis, not a setting.
As for everything else? Great! Well, at least in concept. You still need to go back and proofread it all to transform them into an epic; it's not that far off from being one.
We got the point of views of these chapters and the concepts of them are awesome. Like, we get the morals and they are consistent. Things such as the church's cannibalism, the panther awakening, the pilot tackling Marcus mid-air, and the bartender saving that poor one-armed girl; those are an instinct we can tap into. It's like a raw muscle where we don't have to be conscious to comprehend, we feel it.
Uh, but I do have to say that your epilogue is... dude, I fall asleep on lectures, so I am glad that was the last chapter.
Alright, first? Respect. It's deserved to you because you're not being timid in the slightest; you commit. Every chapter has had choices made, followed through with them, and the best part is that they have consequences. That? That separates you from an amateur who drafts action scenes with nothing happening as an aftermath.
As for the formatting problem here? Meh. I read it without an issue. But you do have a control issue and it repeats throughout the novel.
So, for example, you've got quite a few spelling mistakes. I dunno, but maybe the keys on your keyboard are being a little stuck or something because these mistakes look like you were typing too fast for the keys to respond in time; like "i" instead of it being in uppercase, dicipline, canbalism, seccond, strengh, and some others. Also, there's quite a few commas being littered everywhere.
Now, those I don't mind when I get what you're conveying. I got the vision in my head. But other readers may lose their boner over this.
What does become an issue is when the tenses get mixed up. That becomes a problem because I can no longer tell if this happened already or if it is going on now. See what I mean?
You write fast. That's what I am getting from these mistakes. Good news is that they are extremely easy to go back, proofread it, and make those amends.
Now for the not so easy stuff. You fall under the "telling" and not the "showing" style of writing. Like I can pick a few out of there to give you an example: "I was horrified", "It was genocide", "I felt my rage building", "I failed", or "It was madness" and such.
Remember consequences? Stories also need impact before we see the results. Something like solid sensory details, a physical reaction, and some space to give us a real comparison if it is a scene that we will never experience in real life. Okay, that last one might be difficult to understand, so let me explain a little: if we go back to the Vietnam War and see an American plane carpet the jungle in napalm, we're going to know it's a fire, but we need something to compare it with like how that shit is like sticky mud that burns, that can't be simply brushed off with a swipe of our hands because then our own limbs catch on fire too. The horror of such a chemical weapon should be presented as an experience, so immerse us.
Actually, speaking of immersion, I'm noticing a pattern with each chapter. I'm not gonna say that's bad, but it is predictable when you have the narration at the beginning, the explanation of the chaos, then you proceed to have something horrific pop out at us, we get something violent or tragic in response, and then it ends on a moral note.
The reason I am bringing that up is because when something becomes predictable, something we can foresee, it loses that thrill. You know, when we grip the arms of our chairs when reading what will happen next? That sort of deal.
Oh... uh, we also have a small bit of tonal whiplash too. Like, panther kills a father rather brutally, but follows after a shower and a decent nap... huh? I get that's supposed to show how common stuff like that is, but it's rather jarring in the wrong way. You're going for tragedy here, but it feels like this stuff resolves itself too... too cleanly? Where's the mess?
Consequences should be messy. You have them, just that they are currently picture perfect.
Speaking of picture perfect, what is an Awakened? And why did cannibalism escalate so quickly? Oh, also, what did trigger the riots? I get there was some serious discrimination going on, but where did that come from too? Let's get some backstories that'll build the foundation of these incidents because, right now, it just gives me the message that society collapsed because people are evil.
That's a thesis, not a setting.
As for everything else? Great! Well, at least in concept. You still need to go back and proofread it all to transform them into an epic; it's not that far off from being one.
We got the point of views of these chapters and the concepts of them are awesome. Like, we get the morals and they are consistent. Things such as the church's cannibalism, the panther awakening, the pilot tackling Marcus mid-air, and the bartender saving that poor one-armed girl; those are an instinct we can tap into. It's like a raw muscle where we don't have to be conscious to comprehend, we feel it.
Uh, but I do have to say that your epilogue is... dude, I fall asleep on lectures, so I am glad that was the last chapter.
Ok, just because I didn't change anything, doesn't mean i don't care about others opinions, i CAN'T make any changes to the writing format, i've tried, god knows I tried, and what you just said now isn't helping my self esteem, and my short attention span won't allow me to just start over
I have tried various ways to make my text easier to digest, nothing worked, and SH's tools were difficult for my short attention span to handle, also, the last time i downloaded a free writing program, it gave my laptop a virus, so i'm very wary of that.
I never. Called you anything!
You tagged him, so...
Thanks, i will take that into consideration....i did try wattpad, but it's tools were difficult to use, SH was the only site i could easily access
We all are, sometimes or when new. Don't feel so bad about it.
If you need some clarifications, feel free to tag and ask me. I can't be messaged in my profile now because I'm supposed to isolate myself (did not happen ?) while writing my novel.
Dunno if it helps but i use Notion. It’s free and in my opinion one of the best writing apps for any creative, i use it for literally everything