Back again!

[N.K.Watson]

Here we are again! Last time I requested feedback, my novel was two chapters in. Here I am now, 5 chapters in and writing chapter 6, requesting your opinions!

Please be honest, but not too brutal - for I am a sensitive little baby who might cry (not really but really).

I would like to become a better writer, and I'm sincerely enjoying my first time writing fiction.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Could you add a link to the story?

 

[N.K.Watson]

Could you add a link to the story?

Divided - Chapter 1 | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

It's linked in my signature as well :) Thank you!

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Divided - Chapter 1 | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

It's linked in my signature as well :) Thank you!

Thank you! I'll give my feedback soon.

 

[StoneInky]

Here we are again! Last time I requested feedback, my novel was two chapters in. Here I am now, 5 chapters in and writing chapter 6, requesting your opinions!

Please be honest, but not too brutal - for I am a sensitive little baby who might cry (not really but really).

I would like to become a better writer, and I'm sincerely enjoying my first time writing fiction.

I dunno if I reviewed it before. Will try.

I like the small detail of being too lazy to use em-dashes. Sucks how it's not on the keyboard. I do that too, lmao.

 

[N.K.Watson]

I dunno if I reviewed it before. Will try.

I like the small detail of being too lazy to use em-dashes. Sucks how it's not on the keyboard. I do that too, lmao.

If we're being honest, it's less about laziness and more about not wanting to over-use it and have people think i am using AI. lol. Maybe i'm overdoing it, because I love a good em-dash personally, but the thought of being eaten alive over my use of it scares me lol.

You were my ONLY review before on my two chapters. :)

 

[Fairemont]

First person?

*Adds to reading list.*

 

[N.K.Watson]

First person?

*Adds to reading list.*

Yes, first person! I prefer getting inside the MC's head. Thank you, I hope you enjoy it! I'm just getting to writing the *good* parts, you could say, i'm excited to write the coming chapters.

 

[Representing_Tromba]

Here we are again! Last time I requested feedback, my novel was two chapters in. Here I am now, 5 chapters in and writing chapter 6, requesting your opinions!

Please be honest, but not too brutal - for I am a sensitive little baby who might cry (not really but really).

I would like to become a better writer, and I'm sincerely enjoying my first time writing fiction.

From what I can gather in the first chapter, your descriptive abilities are profoundly captivating and the world itself is very grounded. The characters are introduced naturally and in a very appealing manner that I envy. You do have it tagged a slow romance which matches with the tone and pacing perfectly. Though from the first chapter alone, I am given very little reason to care about the characters or plot as the dialogue feels flat at times and lacks something to hook me in. This is a pretty easy to work on so I wouldn't stress about it. I would give it a 4/5 for the first chapter alone. Later chapters may have more of a hook but this is the initial impression I have. I do hope this helps.

 

[Fairemont]

Yes, first person! I prefer getting inside the MC's head. Thank you, I hope you enjoy it! I'm just getting to writing the *good* parts, you could say, i'm excited to write the coming chapters.

I write first person, too!

My story is a mix of first and third person. I enjoy writing it, though I tend to go with present tense when I include first person for the punchy, real-time component.

 

[N.K.Watson]

I write first person, too!

My story is a mix of first and third person. I enjoy writing it, though I tend to go with present tense when I include first person for the punchy, real-time component.

I find myself mixing present and past tense... a no-no, something I'm working on. One moment I write "she looked" and the next I write "she looks". I don't always notice it, so there may still be errors in my writing. I've never written creatively before, all new to me here :)

From what I can gather in the first chapter, your descriptive abilities are profoundly captivating and the world itself is very grounded. The characters are introduced naturally and in a very appealing manner that I envy. You do have it tagged a slow romance which matches with the tone and pacing perfectly. Though from the first chapter alone, I am given very little reason to care about the characters or plot as the dialogue feels flat at times and lacks something to hook me in. This is a pretty easy to work on so I wouldn't stress about it. I would give it a 4/5 for the first chapter alone. Later chapters may have more of a hook but this is the initial impression I have. I do hope this helps.

Thank you, this is wonderful feedback. Dialogue building is new for me.

There is more hook in the coming chapters, but do you have any suggestions for making that first chapter a bit more enticing for readers? I will definitely take a look at it.

 

[StoneInky]

If we're being honest, it's less about laziness and more about not wanting to over-use it and have people think i am using AI. lol. Maybe i'm overdoing it, because I love a good em-dash personally, but the thought of being eaten alive over my use of it scares me lol.

You were my ONLY review before on my two chapters. :)

Oh yeah. I remember this one! I think it had a different cover at the time, tho? Is it just me?

In that case, no review. I'll just read it. Love that there's more chapters.

 

[N.K.Watson]

Oh yeah. I remember this one! I think it had a different cover at the time, tho? Is it just me?

In that case, no review. I'll just read it. Love that there's more chapters.

No, same cover! I did have an AI-assisted synopsis however, which has since been ever-so-slightly edited (not changed entirely. I will still come up with a new one, i just don't have the time to focus on that right now. I really shouldn't be on this site right now, i'm supposed to be writing a literary analysis for class. ).

I'm getting to the good parts, the parts I'm excited about writing. Thank you for checking it out!!

 

[StoneInky]

No, same cover! I did have an AI-assisted synopsis however, which has since been ever-so-slightly edited (not changed entirely. I will still come up with a new one, i just don't have the time to focus on that right now. I really shouldn't be on this site right now, i'm supposed to be writing a literary analysis for class. ).

I'm getting to the good parts, the parts I'm excited about writing. Thank you for checking it out!!

Ah. Thattttt explains why your actual story has such a different tone from the synopsis. I thought I was going crazy or something. You went from generic author A to traditional old prose.

You better change it quick then lmao. But good luck in class!

 

[N.K.Watson]

Ah. Thattttt explains why your actual story has such a different tone from the synopsis. I thought I was going crazy or something. You went from generic author A to traditional old prose.

You better change it quick then lmao. But good luck in class!

I've never written a story before, let alone tried to summarize it and hook a reader into it in one brief description, and I'm still trying to figure out how to do that in my own words. I've been lucky enough to start taking this literary interpretation class for my degree while writing, though, which has been fun to do in tandem!

Thank you

 

[Representing_Tromba]

There is more hook in the coming chapters, but do you have any suggestions for making that first chapter a bit more enticing for readers? I will definitely take a look at itit.

The best I can offer would be to audibly talk to yourself with the dialogue you want to see if it sounds right. I would also consider adding in certain ticks for certain characters that some people may have. This can be a tongue click, a lisp, a type of voice, or even a pause between certain words. Such things can make the characters seem more 3 dimensional because they have flaws that make their voices unique.

As for creating a hook through the dialogue, perhaps add some juicy gossip or drama into the conversations. Stuff that isn't worth a full arc but plays into certain emotions and character archetypes. For example, Leora was trying to go out to the fields to work with her brother and gave off some good reasons her dad didn't buy for good reason. Why does her leaving so early seem so odd to her dad? What has she done in the past yo make him feel odd about wanting to be on top of field work? Perhaps since she is tomboyish, as you put in the tags, you could have her dad mention some past event he is worried about her causing or interacting with again. Something to make the characters reasonings and background more fleshed out with little things that are interesting enough to make you want to learn more about them.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I find myself mixing present and past tense... a no-no, something I'm working on. One moment I write "she looked" and the next I write "she looks". I don't always notice it, so there may still be errors in my writing. I've never written creatively before, all new to me here :)

I don't think I do that much (at least anymore) but I know I've had to go back and rewrite chapters where I suddenly shifted into or out of first person narration for a character and then realized it was not how I'd written the rest of the story.
For one chapter in one book, I was about to POST it when I realized this!