Asking if there's something wrong with my work or not

[DaisukeHanashi]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/998951/chronicles-of-the-lost-hallow/

I don't know why my work receives a stagnant statistics. Giving a hand for constructive criticism

 

[MasFaqih]

Maybe the description of your story is a bit confusing for an adult novel?. That's what I think.

 

[FlyingPotatoes]

I tried reading your work and here is my honest thoughts and suggestions.

1. Maybe you need to make your prologue chapters combined in one long chapter instead. Based on your description, readers will assume that after reading one chapter they will see the character already in the futuristic chapter. But what you did here is you literally tell the entire story before she arrived in that future time.

2. I applaud your use of language. Reading you work made me feel like I am watching and english knights and conquest movie. That said, this theme are barely popular in my opinion. What's more, your use of the language makes it hard for the average readers to continue.

3. The overall theme. If I understand correctly the mc is a known lady that conquers land and her change upon her arrival in that future world makes it feel like ridiculous. Although it is understandable that she need a guide for she is technically an outsider in that time but making her value lower just to learn is not good. It would be great if her character and her past as a conqueror continued unless that change is your initial goal and plans form the very start then I can't do anything about it.

4 and lastly I'd say life. If your goal is to make your work popular then I fear that might be hard with this theme. If you observe the most novels that always stay at the popular table you can see that the most themes used are way different that what you are working on.

I dare say your work is pretty interesting and it made me get absorbed for a good while that said, take a look at my suggestions and opinion. You might see something to change or improve and who knows? Someone might like your work and offer more deeper review than what I did which is just a simply reader's view.

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

If I understand correctly the mc is a known lady that conquers land and her change upon her arrival in that future world makes it feel like ridiculous.

I wouldn't say she's changed as if she has to lower her value, but more so, she upholds her values and dignity. Imagine she's a proud popular content creator who often does weird funny things in the internet, but when you get to meet her personally somewhere, she usually restrict herself from 'expressing her weird (or even true) side. That's a mindset I've written for her. Besides, she's thirty and a mother, so she's likely mature enough to accept things what they are, except she has a negative view on 'indecent fashion' and 'filthy wenches' (for example). And because she's conservative, she also tends to be sanctimonious and arrogant on her own ways. So yeah, there's that.

It would be great if her character and her past as a conqueror continued unless that change is your initial goal and plans form the very start then I can't do anything about it.

I'd also agree that her past as a conqueror could be continued, but I also think there's no point on... overly narrating about that unless there's an adequate and appropriate need (or coincidence) for referencing her moment and its impact. Besides, I have plans for that, and I'll see to it when the time comes. For now, I'm focused into establishing worldbuilding and MC's initial values.

Nevertheless, your suggestions are interesting to me so far. I'm glad you give yourself some time to read and understand my work. It really does encourage me to keep going no matter what. I'll try my best not to be so obsessive regarding the work's statistics, but only the quality of my work.

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

Maybe the description of your story is a bit confusing for an adult novel?. That's what I think.

I just thought the genre 'Adult' is kind of like... the MC (or even main cast) is mostly consisted of adults.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

I just thought the genre 'Adult' is kind of like... the MC (or even main cast) is mostly consisted of adults.

No nonono, Adult genre contains content only suitable for adults. So stuff like gratuitous violence or sexual content.

 

[MasFaqih]

I just thought the genre 'Adult' is kind of like... the MC (or even main cast) is mostly consisted of adults.

Ugggh how do i say this.

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

No nonono, Adult genre contains content only suitable for adults. So stuff like gratuitous violence or sexual content.

Mine has gratuitious violence, so I guess the tag still remains.