Asking for feedback.

[RMlionheart]

Hoping people can give me feedback/criticism on my story, as I am finding that fewer people read my chapters or drop halfway. I want to figure out why, so in case I want to rewrite, I will never have to repeat my mistakes. Or I can keep writing, increasing my skills as I go. I don't mind harsh reviews; I really want to improve in this fun hobby of mine and make the best story I can.

I Reincarnated As The Duke From The North

 

[R.G.Graf]

It's a bit difficult to follow the main character's words when they're sometimes in parentheses, sometimes italicized, and it's hard to tell when he's thinking and when he's speaking.
Especially since he sometimes thinks in parentheses, sometimes italicized. It would be a good idea to keep his thoughts only in italics and with parentheses, since all statements work that way.
Continually adding "I this" and "I that" after actions also slows things down.
Sometimes it's better, for example, to use "The sudden rise in my voice scared her" instead of "I yelled at her and she got scared," or instead of "I winked." Charles straightened, and a mischievous smile appeared on his freckled face. Give: Charles straightened, and when he noticed my wink, a mischievous smile appeared on his freckled face.
Also, allow for more mental descriptions, since we're in his head.
Besides, I like your story, and I'm glad the hero is a grown man and not a baby with an adult mind.