Asking for Feedback (Original Story)

[Archivist]

Good day any who read,

I am looking for feedback on my story "The Archive", only 9 chapters are posted so far and I upload new ones every Tuesday and Thursday. I'm trying out a new way of story telling for me and I sorta wanna know how it reads.

Synopsis :
*
"I will become a Magician"

Those were the words we all spoke in some capacity that day as we stood up on their pretentious stages, all of us miles apart but bound together by a fleeting wish from five hundred years ago. That would be the day everything we knew would change forever. We were nothing more than children reaching for a dream, some of glory and some of simple escapism, but we'd become this world's heroes by anything but choice. We were given one year to complete the impossible, to save the world. Did we? Well, I guess that's really up to who you talk to. We all have our own versions of this story, so you'll just have to decide for yourself, reader, as to who we really helped in the end.

This here story is written from different points of few down the same winding path, so cohesion wasn't really the forte. I apologize for that, Reader.
*

Thanks for any help in advance!

 

[melchi]

First off, you shouldn't post a bunch of chapters in a single day. Scribblehub will think it is trying to bump the story and not show it on the new chapters list.

First, the synopsis is full of run on sentences. It also doesn't address the question: Why should I give reading this a shot?

Readers don't care who we helped in the end unless they have a reason to.

I see the tag "Multiple Protagonists" and my first reaction is to not give it a chance. Readers seek a main character. Expect readers to be less forgiving the further from the protag the story drifts.

The first paragraph is enough reason not to finish the first chapter.

Looking for a hook, a premise:

Finding: 4th wall breaking, "Dear reader" stuff.

Nope nope nope.

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

Good day any who read,

I am looking for feedback on my story "The Archive", only 9 chapters are posted so far and I upload new ones every Tuesday and Thursday. I'm trying out a new way of story telling for me and I sorta wanna know how it reads.

Synopsis :
*
"I will become a Magician"

Those were the words we all spoke in some capacity that day as we stood up on their pretentious stages, all of us miles apart but bound together by a fleeting wish from five hundred years ago. That would be the day everything we knew would change forever. We were nothing more than children reaching for a dream, some of glory and some of simple escapism, but we'd become this world's heroes by anything but choice. We were given one year to complete the impossible, to save the world. Did we? Well, I guess that's really up to who you talk to. We all have our own versions of this story, so you'll just have to decide for yourself, reader, as to who we really helped in the end.

This here story is written from different points of few down the same winding path, so cohesion wasn't really the forte. I apologize for that, Reader.
*

Thanks for any help in advance!

Personally, I think Melchi here is being overly harsh. Actually scratch that. They are being way too harsh, period. While the sentences could be split up, besides that, there is plenty to give it a shot. The prose and grammar is enjoyable and the intrigue (How do they become Magicians? What is the take the author will give on this?) is real and a good hook (lookin' at you Melchi). Fourth wall stuff is difficult to handle. I occasionally try to do that and I'm not sure if I actually succeed in doing it well. So caution is given for that type of thing.
And if you can handle multiple protagonists, then go ahead. It's certainly more difficult, but if you don't shoot for the stars, you'll never reach orbit. Don't let this person try to stick you in the box of one titular protagonist.

Good day any who read,

I am looking for feedback on my story "The Archive", only 9 chapters are posted so far and I upload new ones every Tuesday and Thursday. I'm trying out a new way of story telling for me and I sorta wanna know how it reads.

Synopsis :
*
"I will become a Magician"

Those were the words we all spoke in some capacity that day as we stood up on their pretentious stages, all of us miles apart but bound together by a fleeting wish from five hundred years ago. That would be the day everything we knew would change forever. We were nothing more than children reaching for a dream, some of glory and some of simple escapism, but we'd become this world's heroes by anything but choice. We were given one year to complete the impossible, to save the world. Did we? Well, I guess that's really up to who you talk to. We all have our own versions of this story, so you'll just have to decide for yourself, reader, as to who we really helped in the end.

This here story is written from different points of few down the same winding path, so cohesion wasn't really the forte. I apologize for that, Reader.
*

Thanks for any help in advance!

Uhhh, where's your story? It's not showing up when I search it, nor when I press the link LOL.