As a reader, which narrative do you prefer in conveying a character's emotions?

[Eldoria]

Narration of the Direct Emotion vs Subtle Emotion vs Mixed Emotion​

As a reader, which narrative do you prefer in conveying a character's emotions?

Direct emotion, the narrative tells the character's emotional state.

Spoiler: For example 1:

"Aaauuu..." A wolf's howl could be heard from outside.

Harry was scared. He covered his mouth and hid under a pile of wheat straw.

"Tap... tap..." The wolf-monster took a step, approaching the wheat granary.

Harry was nervous. He was afraid of being caught. He tried to hold his breath so the monster wouldn't notice.

When the monster moved away... Harry released his hand. Harry felt sad, scared, and depressed. He said, "I'm sorry... my friend—"

Harry could only curl up, clutching his friend's cracked silver locket. He cried, regretting his friend's death at the hands of the wolf-monster.

Subtle emotion, the narrative shows the character's emotions through body language and circumstances.

Spoiler: For example 2:

"Aaauuu..." A wolf's howl could be heard from outside.

Harry covered his mouth and hid under a pile of wheat straw.

"Tap... tap..." Footsteps could be heard, getting closer, getting louder... approaching the wheat granary.

His breath was held. His hands wouldn't stop shaking, with each echoing footstep.

As the footsteps receded... Harry released his hand. His breath hitched. He bit his lip and said, "I'm sorry... my friend—"

Tears fell, wetting the straw. Harry curled up, clutching his friend's cracked silver locket.

Mixed emotion, the narrative shows the character's emotions first through body language and circumstances, then sharpens it by telling the character's emotions.

Spoiler: For example 3:

"Aaauuu..." A wolf's howl rang out from outside. A werewolf-monster was striding toward the wheat granary.

Harry covered his mouth, hiding under a pile of wheat straw, making sure the monster didn't discover his hiding place.

"Tap... tap..." The footsteps came closer, getting closer to the wheat granary.

His hands wouldn't stop shaking. Harry tried to hold his breath, reassuring himself that he was safe.

As the footsteps receded... Harry released his hand. His breath hitched. He bit his lip and said, "I'm sorry... my friend—"

Tears fell, wetting the straw. Harry curled up, clutching his friend's cracked silver locket.

Only then did Harry understand the weight of the loss, fear had kept him alive, but grief was what crushed him.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Other. A version adapted from the old Chill Roleplaying Game's rulebook:

Harry shuddered again. There it was, the noise, the scratching at the door he knew he locked. He clutched the object in his hand tighter, pulled the sheets of the bed closer around him, and waited.
Scratch. Scratch.
Then the sounds of something padding away.
He relaxed, but then the padding returned, and more scratching.
Scratch. Scratch.
Each time the thing moved away from the door, he let himself relax, almost drift off to sleep, but each time it came back, with the relentless scratching.
Finally, the sun came up, creeping across the room with painful slowness.
To reveal the scratch marks ... on the inside of the door.

 

[Eldoria]

Other. A version adapted from the old Chill Roleplaying Game's rulebook:

Harry shuddered again. There it was, the noise, the scratching at the door he knew he locked. He clutched the object in his hand tighter, pulled the sheets of the bed closer around him, and waited.
Scratch. Scratch.
Then the sounds of something padding away.
He relaxed, but then the padding returned, and more scratching.
Scratch. Scratch.
Each time the thing moved away from the door, he let himself relax, almost drift off to sleep, but each time it came back, with the relentless scratching.
Finally, the sun came up, creeping across the room with painful slowness.
To reveal the scratch marks ... on the inside of the door.

Well, I appreciate your answer. But, I'm not comparing which example is better.

I'm simply looking for a method of narrating character emotions that resonates more with readers.

If you have other methods beyond the three options above, please explain them conceptually before providing concrete examples. This way, other formulas for narrating character emotions might be applicable to fiction. Thanks. Regards.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Well, I appreciate your answer. But, I'm not comparing which example is better.

I'm simply looking for a method of narrating character emotions that resonates more with readers.

If you have other methods beyond the three options above, please explain them conceptually before providing concrete examples. This way, other formulas for narrating character emotions might be applicable to fiction. Thanks. Regards.

Well, you seemed to be doing an emotional horror scene. In my experience, the goal for such a scene is to make the reader feel the same emotions the character should be. One tactic for that is a reversal - turn the audience's expectations around just as you show that the character did not have all the facts either. The reveal of the locket in your examples kind of does this, and explains the character's feelings of guilt (and, in this context, your third example is the best - but overall the "subtle emotion" one is preferable, as it is less flowery, quick, to the point, and gives the reader no "wiggle room" to assume the character is experiencing something they are not)..

In other words, I couldn't answer the poll because all three versions have their place, and which version I (or, likely, most readers) prefer depends on the specific type of story more than the example itself.

 

[TinaMigarlo]

I like first person. I was recently told about "intimate" first person they called it. The long inner monologue. I get to "hear" the thoughts that go into everything the MC experiences. Under stress? I get to hear the short, fast snippets of theior racing thoughts under adrenaline. Sitting back, thinking, I get hear the slow ruminations and metaphors in their head as they try to relate to something they understand, to crack the problem. Its like I'm seeing the world through their eyes. What touches them, I feel.

that said, a lot of readers will freak at that. you hear things like "navel gazing" and they sneer at it. "dude. You could do this with one poaragraph and like three lines of quick dialog. Get over yourself. I don't need to be bored while your MC thinks and thinks. action and dialogue and move the fuck on."

I enjoy what I described. I assume others do, because those books were printed and reprinted. Maybe when I get better at it I'll quit hearing that. Or maybe I'm a trad pub author forced to try to get started in a webnovel only universe. Who knows these things.

 

[McPhoenixDavid]

As long as the author can make us feel or at least make us understand what the character is feeling, I'm cool with anything.

 

[JordanIda]

The effectiveness of the examples given depends upon the audience.

The first example I suppose would work best with children, who have to be told that a particular situation calls for fear. Or happiness. Or what-have-you. "Jane ran up the hill. Jane was tired. Jane wanted a nappy. Dick ran up the hill. Dick stopped halfway. Dick stubbed his toe. Dick cried. Dick was sad." Etc.

The second example seems to be just more of the first (somewhat more verbose), with analysis tacked on at the end. Off the cuff it is reminiscent of YA lit, which typically has to provide retrospectives, to tell the attention-challenged twelve year olds what they've just skimmed.

The third example is the most mature and requires an audience that both reads and has the capacity for mature comprehension. (Not mature in terms of licentious, I mean mature in terms of ... hell, grown up. You know. Mature.) But as to whether the third method of delivery is in fact effective depends on much more. The reader has to be sufficiently immersed in the plot and invested in the character. It's not a local mechanism or conceit that one can simply plug into a particular action sequence, with the expectation that it will work. Effective delivery of emotive significance must be integral to overall narrative style.