Apologies for being a leech, but I need feedback again.

[Rookieqw]

Good day to you all, I hope you are all healthy and doing great. Sorry for being a bother, but I need fresh perspective, if you have time to spare. Could you please read these two chapters:

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1042505-hordedoom/chapter/1093034/

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1042505-hordedoom/chapter/1094732/

I need to know if Janine (the MC) comes across as too cowed and immature or not.

If there is a clear distinction between how Devourer acts in public and in private.

And in general, if the story is grammatically readable or not, and if I am overusing words or not.

 

[Tempokai]

I read two of them. These chapters were too dense, as always, but it's your writing style, whatever.

1) Janine is not immature. She's more like upper-management personnel, if you know what I mean. Moreover, she has courage under that politeness and terror. Imagine demanding something from your boss, who can split you in two before you even have time to process it, and still saying stuff that could make any hostile person just disappear.

2) Yes, there is a distinction, and the voice of that character translates well to both public and private occasions. In public, he is an orator, while in private, he's more like a disappointed parent who knows when to lash out intellectually. So it tracks.

3) Too dense. As I was writing previously, you need to tighten the scenery descriptions and know when the reader can infer that something happened without putting it into words. You basically need an editor who can cut down expository paragraphs without destroying the scene, which is... yeah, good luck with that.

Basically, it's okay, given the nature of the story. If your intent was to not make the MC immature or cowardly, you've done that—good job! Find an editor.