kagayaki-hime
New member
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2025
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Hi, everyone. I’m looking for someone to help me improve my story, 12 Gems. I originally wanted the series to be a webcomic and maybe an animation. But I thought that starting out with prose format would be easier and faster. Also, it might be more accessible for blind or low vision people with screen readers.
Content warnings: contains strong language, fantasy violence and peril, child abuse (physical and verbal), child labor, racial discrimination, bullying, narcissistic parenting, narcissistic characters, and some other bigotry/discrimination.
My story is about a 14-year-old girl who becomes a Birthknight. A Birthknight is a magical superhero who uses elemental powers based on their zodiac sign. Their costumes are the same color as their birthstones.
The main character has to face a lot of bullying at school and at home. She’s PoC, and adopted by a white family. Her weight is also an issue. She is under pressure to change who she is. Because of the way she was raised, she lacks confidence and critical thinking. I’m not that good at reading or writing, but I used to write a lot of fanfics. I’ve been told that the main character is too sad, and a net negative, but her character development is going to be a very slow burn.
If anyone has any suggestions for clarity, characterization, and plot planning, please let me know.
Here’s Chapter 1. I hope you enjoy. https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1549510--gems/chapter/1549543/
Content warnings: contains strong language, fantasy violence and peril, child abuse (physical and verbal), child labor, racial discrimination, bullying, narcissistic parenting, narcissistic characters, and some other bigotry/discrimination.
My story is about a 14-year-old girl who becomes a Birthknight. A Birthknight is a magical superhero who uses elemental powers based on their zodiac sign. Their costumes are the same color as their birthstones.
The main character has to face a lot of bullying at school and at home. She’s PoC, and adopted by a white family. Her weight is also an issue. She is under pressure to change who she is. Because of the way she was raised, she lacks confidence and critical thinking. I’m not that good at reading or writing, but I used to write a lot of fanfics. I’ve been told that the main character is too sad, and a net negative, but her character development is going to be a very slow burn.
If anyone has any suggestions for clarity, characterization, and plot planning, please let me know.
Here’s Chapter 1. I hope you enjoy. https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1549510--gems/chapter/1549543/