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Huzzah! So, onto the Copy Knight. Again, it's a matter of setup that gets explained later in the story. The intention was less "he's a buffoon" and more he's a sarcastic, reluctant participant. If he's coming across Jar-Jar then it might require a rewrite although it's the first time I've heard...

Thanks for the feedback! It's funny, because before I was told there was too much build up of the scene before things got started so trimmed it down :unsure: Everyone's tastes are different I guess:LOL:

I'm game: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/401254/underland-and-the-forehidden-kingdom/

I've revised the first chapter. Would be interesting to hear how it reads now!

Ultimately that's why I'm here! To get feedback and improve my story. So yeah, this is helpful. Basically, the prose needs to be a bit less poetic so as to not give the reader too much whiplash when the tone shifts. The problem I foresee is that everything in that opening sequence has ties to...

To be fair, my intent was to create a sense of mystery that kept the reader reading to find out more. So mission partially accomplished? lol I'm toying with restructuring the first chapter to have that initial portion as a prologue, but again the change in tone is intentional. The first section...

I'm definitely down for some feedback: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/401254/underland-and-the-forehidden-kingdom/

That's awesome! Congratulations

Congratulations!

Here's mine: Ever since his dad left five weeks ago, Keon Wesley has struggled to adjust to life in a single parent household. When a schoolyard fight drives the rift between him and his father further apart, he discovers a mysterious parallel world beneath his bed. Drawn against his will...

Sure, mine's right here. High portal fantasy.

"Bloody hell!" is my general go to, followed closely by "What the heck?" Or “flip sake”

ahhhh, I see. Thanks! Thanks everyone for your help. Problem solved!

Gotcha, thanks!

Just the link to my novel on SH.

Hey there, new here and trying to put a link to my book in my signature. Keep getting the message "Your content can not be submitted. This is likely because your content is spam-like or contains inappropriate elements. Please change your content or try again later. If you still have problems...