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First of all, thank you so much for giving it a proper review! (from your pov) Honestly, it helps a lot when coming from another person. Now, I wanna try to reply to some of your critiques, and explain my reasoning on "why I did it" (not saying your wrong). Going in firstly about narration...

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2240570/with-you-i-can/ Here is mine. First time publishing anything of this kind. So, it would definitely be helpful to receive some feedback. Definitely, I would not mind any harsh criticism if it does require any.