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Thank you so much for the detailed feedback, i was having a hard time looking at my own work from a third person perspective and you've completely highlighted the things i couldn't see myself. You're completely right about me telling rather than showing explanations about the system and why...

Let me receive your bonk ? https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1899236/the-neutral-system/

oh you were right, i didn't notice thank you so much

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1899236/the-neutral-system/ appreciate your detailed feedback

Damn your persistence is commendable 100 plus chapters my story The Neutral System haven't even reach 10 chapters

Thank you for the detailed feedback regarding the story. Yeah I guess I really need to flesh out more his character, I was kinda thinking if chapter 1 would be too long for the readers so your response really help me. The thin line to neutrality I guess is really hard to present as a story so...

I would like to humbly request your opinion regarding my novel it's a work in progress prologue-chapter 3. any insight would be appreciated. The Neutral System

would love to hear your take on mine too. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1899236/the-neutral-system/

can you review mine here