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Since the genre is LitRPG, the best approach is to ensure that readers can enjoy the story in a stress-free way and feel a sense of satisfaction. With that in mind, it seems better not to make the story too complicated.

The villainous intent definitely comes through, so your direction is clear. At the moment, though, he feels somewhat archetypal — a character whose role we immediately recognize. Often, the most memorable antagonists are those who don’t see themselves as evil, but act from a belief system they...

The operatic mask works visually, but I wonder if some readers might momentarily struggle to picture how much of his face is visible. Clarifying whether it covers only the upper half might sharpen the image and make the smirk land even stronger.

Trust isn’t shown through grand confessions, but through small choices at the dinner table. For example, even in the middle of a fight, you still unconsciously avoid the ingredients your partner dislikes.

He forms bonds of love with all his enemies, building both a harem and a kingdom. This is pretty interesting. Maybe I’ll try writing it myself when I have some free time.

For example, it would be helpful if you could share which specific work that was said about, and provide an example.

If it were me, I would ask a trusted friend to read it and give me their honest opinion — no sugarcoating.

Simply put, if a character has strengths that make up for their flaws, they will become compelling.

The Principles of Food Theory in Storytelling In characterization, "Food Theory" suggests that a character's nature is revealed through their interaction with food. Good characters treat food with respect and care, reflecting their moral integrity. Conversely, villains treat food carelessly or...

There are too many characters, so let’s reduce the number. It places too much of a burden on the reader to keep track of all the information.

I felt that this story skillfully transplants the Korean-origin dungeon genre format into 1979 American society, portraying the lives of women constrained and bound by social expectations with striking realism. What is truly terrifying—monsters, or the system itself? It is a story that...

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and for your thoughtful feedback. Your comments helped me notice areas that would benefit from additional clarification, and I’ll be sure to keep them in mind as I continue revising the story.

While reading, there were several points that didn’t feel realistic to me, and I found myself unable to clearly visualize the fight scene in my head. I’d like to point out those moments below. “Teruya tried to punch again, but Jackie dodged it, letting him hit the hard concrete wall. The...

Hi Jaymi, thanks for doing this — it’s a really kind idea. I’d love it if you gave my story a look. The title is HELL’S RETURNERS. A big motivation for me was wanting to bridge a gap in understanding — especially for readers who might not have personal experience with this kind of trauma. I...

Honestly, this is something you’ll only truly understand once you try writing it. You can plan as much as you want, but until you actually draft the first chapter, you won’t know what feels right for Ben or where the story naturally wants to go. My advice would be: Make a simple outline (just...

Hey, I’m really glad my feedback helped — and congrats on writing all of this in such a short time. Five hours for a first draft is honestly impressive. To answer your questions honestly: Do I think this story can get noticed? Yes, it has a chance — especially if you keep improving the opening...

Hi! I read your prologue on the Scribble Hub and wanted to share a few thoughts. First, I personally really enjoy dark fantasy, so I’m genuinely interested in where this is going. The tone is grim and unsettling in a good way, and the chapel/ritual imagery is strong. A few suggestions that...

This is a very solid start. The pacing is good, the imagery is clear, and the voice feels natural. You have a strong sense of scene and tension, which is not easy for a beginner. With some polishing, this could really shine. I have a few suggestions that might help strengthen the opening even...

I really enjoyed the atmosphere and core concept of this chapter. The idea of a “survival-based power” and the cockroach analogy are very strong, and the opening does a great job of establishing Michael’s desperation and emotional weight. The contract scene in particular has a solid sense of...

I’ve read up to Chapter 2, and while there are many important elements, the frequent shifts in emotional perspective make it hard for the reader to know whom to emotionally invest in. Simply choosing one emotional anchor per chapter would greatly improve immersion. If Fiona is the protagonist...