Scribble Hub Forum

If you want feedback, which means you may tell me to shut up if you don't want to hear it, but I do suggest when Lenn walks to school, those snippets you wrote about his grandfather's advice could be better expressed in the chapter as flashbacks; that would tie the scene to the current moment and add some extra weight to it.

I was thinking of reworking the walk to school scene, currently though I think the story is too focused on the grandfather and not enough on Lenn. I worry a flashback would worsen that issue, if I were to do that I would have to do something similar to how Lenn calmed himself down later in that chapter.

Correct me if you think I am wrong, of course. Often we need two, or more, pairs of eyes to find the best way forward.

That's... nah, you are right. That really is a good point. Lenn is the protagonist here, but the grandfather is the one who's dominated the center stage. Too much more of him and it stops feeling like legacy and starts feeling like his story instead of Lenn's. I'm not saying cut the grandfather out or anything like that, his influence is crucial on what Lenn does next.

Yeah, what do you think about that scene currently. I have aded something’s included as mentioned earlier.