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... Roll an investigation check to find a rope, a chair and a bar of soap.

Roll 2d20 to check for rope and soap, because you already have a chair at your desk.

3 and 9. I guess I failed. Then I touch the tiddy of the elemental elf, because what else could I do?

The rope is already tied around you in a very strange manner, and the soap is stuck to the ceiling. Roll d20 for stealth.

Nah, no roll, if I die because I touched a tiddy, then I die a happy death.

I rolled for you, you got 18. You successfully cop a feel. It is squishy.

"Aww man, I just genderbent back."

Nice. That's probably it, I go back to sleep.

Roll d20 for what happens when you sleep.

Another 9.

You sleep, but you wake up immediately. The time you are in is black, and in the corner of your simulated vision is a clock telling the space, which says: "12:07". In the center of your vision is a button that says: "The Space is 12:30 PM?"

This is getting out of hand, how could a simple dark joke about game-ending could've led to this? I press the button and hope to get back to the elf, because at least there were tiddies. Rolled 11 this time.

The button does nothing and remains in its current time. You wait, confused. The clock which tells the space is now at "12:30", and you press the button again. Realizing it was a dream, this time you awaken to the elf getting dressed. You notice that she is wearing a wedding band on her left ring finger, and can feel something around yours.

Alright, that's probably enough, let's just say two married lesbian elves live happily ever after. I'm too tired to think